I refer to you Exhibit A (above). These are some typical breasts that a man might stare at. No, mine do not look like that. And no, I unfortunately never caught a man-stranger staring at what remains of my breasts after birthing four child-spawns.
Now these men I refer to, unless drunk or encouraged by the big-breasted woman, will typically NOT touch said breasts in Exhibit A. The look-but-don’t-touch policy is morally ethical and keeps them out of jail.
Here are some things that might happen when at morally ethical (hopefully, single) man notices some breasts (and yes, this post is STILL about food cravings, so work with me here):
- He looks, then does a double take.
- He stares on the down low so no one knows he’s looking.
- His mind starts to wander and imagine.
- He gets real excited.
- He wishes he could touch.
- He knows he will face consequences if he acts on his instincts, so he does nothing.
- He departs from the presence of big-breasted woman.
Uh huh. We all know it’s true, so I scientifically analyzed the behavior of the morally ethical man and gained knowledge from how he resists reaching out his hand to touch what he desires. These same man-principles can be applied to our food cravings.
CASE STUDY #89
I’ve been visiting the bakery in desire of sugary sh!t. But it’s not what you think. I activate the man-principles:
- I gaze at all the baked goods… ALL of it. Some items are behind a glass case and some are available for me to grab with no barrier.
- I stare and imagine.
- My salivary glands get excited.
- I wish I could touch the baked goods, but I don’t, because I know there will be fattening consequences.
- I depart from the bakery having touched nothing at all.
I guess I’m a food pervert?
The visual display of baked goods and the blissful imaginations that follow are enough to satisfy me. When I get home, I typically chow on the sweetness I set aside. A healthier sweet in moderation instead of the big-azz cupcake and cinnamon roll temptation.
This weird food-craving excercise of mine has done me well this past summer and strenghtened me to not go overboard on the sugary sh!t. I stop at a sensible point in time or don’t eat it at all.
Now, as we head into the sugary holiday season, I’m all geared up to NOT gain weight by adhering to the principles of men who stare at breasts.
Disclaimer: In case you’re wondering, the no-sugar e-Book, Yum Yucky’s Guide to Taming the Sugar Beast is still in production. Watch for it before the holidays hit.