If you don’t know it already, I have 4 children. They are 22, 19, 10 and 6 years old. Look at the crazy things they have said to me over the years…
1. “Mom, I have diarrhea. Can I please borrow 20 dollars?” (yes, the kid asked to borrow 20 dollars because of his diarrhea)
2. I love how your stomach is so wrinkly and squishy.
3. Don’t be jealous of dad’s man cave. You already have a woman cave. It’s called the kitchen.
4. Mommy, your boobies are so flappy.
5. There was no Youtube when you were a kid? How did you get by?
6. Mom, my balls are sticking together!!! I need baby powder down there!!
7. You have the worst farts in the house. And don’t try to blame it on dad’s cooking.
8. You were born in 1873, right?
9. I knew I was gonna break curfew. I didn’t call to check in because I didn’t want to wake you.
10. Your cooking isn’t all that bad. You make really good corn from a can.
Bonus #11: Gosh mom, you took way too long in the bathroom. Did you eat too many gigabytes of food?
Hopefully these scoundrels will be nice to me from now on? I’m not counting on it.
LET’S BE FRIENDS!