I won’t go into useless details, but let me tell you this…. I was stressed the FRACK out. It was mainly my four kids (who torment me) and being on the phone with bitch-azz customer service people that did it. But don’t forget about my raggedy nails and nappy-headed hair that needs fixing. So basically, I’m stressed and I look a hot mess.
Stress made me whimper and get all watery in the eyeballs and feel like I could rip somebody’s head off – all of those emotions swirled at the same time. My cup overfloweth with stress, so I need to filleth mine Food Trap with the flesh of a cow shaped into burger patties. And I’ll taketh fries with that. Amen.
Stress told me to go get some burgers, but on the way to the cafeteria, my pimp handle got strong as I allowed the voice of reason to permeate my watermelon skull. That other voice, you know the one – the little devil-bastard who sits on your shoulder with a laundry list of reasons you NEED and DESERVE the CRAP FOOD that makes YOUR ASS GROW. Because you’re SAD and BEEN DONE WRONG and you FEEL STOMPED ON. So the least you can do is self-medicate with greasy food and sweets, right?
Nope. Not if you activate the pimp slap, aka, listen to your inner stomach-voice of reason. Pay it some attention. Don’t ignore it. Don’t allow the stressors to drown it out.
My pimp handle grew stronger as I continued to listen to the voice of reason, until finally, I found myself gnawing on a delicious salad instead of cheeseburgers.
Kids are highly skilled at torment and bitch-azz customer service people will always be around, but your pimp slap can grow from to strength to strength. I hope your next ridiculous-absurd food temptation turns into a pimp-slapping victory. Go ahead, take a few swings right now for some practice… SLAP!