Meet Tori – she is infamous for doing bedtime cardio. So when this chick got the crazy notion that text messaging might burn calories, she let her fingers do the exercising.
TORI’S DAY OF TEXTING
First, Tori called out of work on the busiest day of the month with the false claim that her dog was sick. Then she did a HAHAHA text-exercise because she got off for the day.
At high noon, Tori rolled out of bed to make breakfast. But she ended up doing a SMH text-exercise because there was no bread, milk, or eggs within claw’s reach of the roaches that live in her kitchen. Too bad she doesn’t own a bacon bra.
Tori immediately engaged in a ROTFL text-exercise to hunt for loose change under the couch so she could order up a pizza. This resulted in a ROTFLMAO intensity move when she found 2 bucks. This was obviously a very big deal, but still not enough to get lunch.
At 4pm, Tori got a call from her boss after word got back that she doesn’t have a sick dog…..or a healthy one.
She has no pets at all.
Tori was fired on the spot. Then she did a FML text-exercise because her job at the weasel farm fell through and she didn’t eat all day.
Tori is a dumb-azz. She should have gone to work. They were giving out free weasel chips that day. Who in their right mind would say no to free weasel chips?
And then her cell was disconnected for non-payment.
Total Calorie Burn = 2,498. Don’t ask me how. It just is.
Text Message Answer Key
- HAHAHAHA = HAHAHAHA. doh!
- SMH = Shaking My Head
- ROTFL = Rolling On The Floor
- ROTFLMAO = Rolling On The Floor Laughing My Azz Off
- FML = FRACK My LIFE (except Frack is replaced by that cuss word, ya know?)
…in a serious Josie voice: Please don’t text while driving. I, myself, am shamefully guilty of this, but today I pledged to NEVER do that again. You could save your life or someone else’s.
You may also need to refrain from clipping your toes with your teeth, talking on your cell at the movies, and picking (your own) wedgies in public. These things are very annoying to witness. So stop that, okay?
[photo]
Jessica @ How Sweet says
April 28, 2010 at 4:45 pmI stopped texting while driving too, after many close calls. So dangerous!
Eunice says
April 28, 2010 at 4:49 pmI actually hit someone while texting and driving. 🙁 Thankfully it was just a bump and no one got hurt. Except my poor wallet! Texting and driving is for suckers, yo.
There are many things wrong with the bacon bra, btw.
Yum Yucky says
April 29, 2010 at 8:46 amyour wallet? was it a “pay me, or I’ll sue!” kinda thing? ugh
Jody - Fit at 52 says
April 28, 2010 at 5:48 pmYour mind works in the most “amazing” ways! 🙂 BUT, great message! I DO NOT talk or text while driving. It is against the law here in Ca BUT people still do it non stop. I see it all the time & of course they are the ones causing probs on the road! I think they really need to up the penalty here so people stop!
THX JOSIE!
amanda says
April 28, 2010 at 5:50 pmI like the fact a lot of states have banned cell phone usage while driving. I also thought it was interesting that just recently truck drivers are not allowed to use cell phones while driving. I mean really…you have a huge 53ft truck that weighs up to 83,000 pounds and you are txting?!?! WTF? (btw, I use to drive truck over the road with my hubby and that is why I know this information! lol)
JourneyBeyondSurvival says
April 28, 2010 at 6:48 pmI get it now…
I’m still riding my broom without a license though. And I’m jealous that you’re getting 500 calories a HAHA pop even if you aren’t driving. I’m a jealous fiend today.
Hubbend txts while driving. Plus he switches apps and scrolls through emails, contacts etc.
DRIVES ME CRAZY!!! A football field passes between look up and look down at freeway speeds! Stop it.
Yum Yucky says
April 29, 2010 at 8:47 ammine does the same thing with his iPod in car. Wracks me nerves.
Jen says
April 28, 2010 at 8:59 pmI don’t text while driving and I rarely talk on the phone either. Only because I usually forget my cell at home.
I wish it worked like that, just think of the calories I burn typing every day. I have noticed my fingers are ripped.
Erin says
April 28, 2010 at 9:22 pmNo way I am going to txt while driving prego or when Sam comes!
Tara Savage says
April 28, 2010 at 11:01 pmHaha sadly stuff like this happens in the work place all the fricken time!
But 100% refrain from texting while driving, i need to focus or 1 I get lost or 2 will more likely than not get into an accident and cost my people injuries or death, just not worth it. Have you ever seen the video of the girl who is texting while driving and ends up crashing her car? its really powerful.
RI, where I live has actually made it illegal to text and drive at the same time.
She-Fit says
April 29, 2010 at 1:23 amI use to text and drive all the time but recently started turning my phone off when I got in the car. It doesn’t tempt me from checking it when it goes off.
Yum Yucky says
April 29, 2010 at 8:49 amthat’s a really good idea
Marisa says
April 29, 2010 at 2:45 amSo it’s okay to pick someone else’s wedgie ?? Whooooo-hoo! 😀
Yum Yucky says
April 29, 2010 at 8:47 amya. totally fine. It’s like a public service.
Miz says
April 29, 2010 at 5:51 amok wait. is FMF a real “thing?”
IM TOTALLY USING THAT NOW.
marisa n says
April 29, 2010 at 12:52 pmoh dear, that bacon bra is revolting.
Kacy says
April 29, 2010 at 4:23 pmThanks for the translations, I never know what that shiz means. I’m ancient when it comes to texting lingo.
Josie says
April 29, 2010 at 4:50 pmuh oh. I forgot to give Greedy Kid #1 credit for the translations.
Nicole, RD says
April 29, 2010 at 5:53 pmHaha, I love it! Have you heard of BAER? Big @ $$ eye roll 🙂 That’s my favorite!
cher says
May 4, 2010 at 10:14 pmyes.. i agree with the no texting or driving too! my ex’s uncle was hit and killed on the road here in town.
as for the texercising.. wtg! lmao too funny!!!
merri says
May 10, 2010 at 8:45 pmi dont drive but i do text while walking. 🙂 luckily i havent walked into anything yet.
Adam - Ditto Effect says
February 6, 2011 at 2:10 pmI wish i lost more weight while texting.