Meet Tori – she is infamous for doing bedtime cardio. So when this chick got the crazy notion that text messaging might burn calories, she let her fingers do the exercising.
TORI’S DAY OF TEXTING
First, Tori called out of work on the busiest day of the month with the false claim that her dog was sick. Then she did a HAHAHA text-exercise because she got off for the day.
At high noon, Tori rolled out of bed to make breakfast. But she ended up doing a SMH text-exercise because there was no bread, milk, or eggs within claw’s reach of the roaches that live in her kitchen. Too bad she doesn’t own a bacon bra.
Tori immediately engaged in a ROTFL text-exercise to hunt for loose change under the couch so she could order up a pizza. This resulted in a ROTFLMAO intensity move when she found 2 bucks. This was obviously a very big deal, but still not enough to get lunch.
At 4pm, Tori got a call from her boss after word got back that she doesn’t have a sick dog…..or a healthy one.
She has no pets at all.
Tori was fired on the spot. Then she did a FML text-exercise because her job at the weasel farm fell through and she didn’t eat all day.
Tori is a dumb-azz. She should have gone to work. They were giving out free weasel chips that day. Who in their right mind would say no to free weasel chips?
And then her cell was disconnected for non-payment.
Total Calorie Burn = 2,498. Don’t ask me how. It just is.
Text Message Answer Key
- HAHAHAHA = HAHAHAHA. doh!
- SMH = Shaking My Head
- ROTFL = Rolling On The Floor
- ROTFLMAO = Rolling On The Floor Laughing My Azz Off
- FML = FRACK My LIFE (except Frack is replaced by that cuss word, ya know?)
…in a serious Josie voice: Please don’t text while driving. I, myself, am shamefully guilty of this, but today I pledged to NEVER do that again. You could save your life or someone else’s.
You may also need to refrain from clipping your toes with your teeth, talking on your cell at the movies, and picking (your own) wedgies in public. These things are very annoying to witness. So stop that, okay?