“She fed me Rat Salad” ….that is what my child-spawn is about to tell you if his smart-azz keeps requesting it for dinner.
This is true, people.
The daycare lady is supposedly feeding Greedy Kid #3 Rat Salad for lunch. And now he wants me to make it at home. He is like a broken record, asking for Rat Salad all the damn time. Are my non-diseased meals not good enough for him? Must he want the infectious Rat instead?
So I wonder. What if I humor this whining child-spawn and really give him what he wants?
RAT SALAD – THE RECIPE
(warning: do not read this if your breakfast/lunch/dinner is NOT fully digested yet)
1 freshly-trapped rat from the inner walls of my old apartment when I was 24.
2 large handfuls mildew-withered spring mix
1 rotten antelope egg, finely chopped
1/4 cup slimy carrot shavings
1 tbsp rancid Parmesan dust
3 plucked nose hairs from the snout of this man
1/4 cup regurgitated walnut pieces
1/2 cup feet-stomped tomato residue
3 cups boiled vinegar dressing
Mix it all up and feed to your child. Purposely withhold barf bag and make him clean up his own mess.
You see that! My kids are spoiled. They get exactly what they ask for. Its Rat Salad for dinner.
Disclaimer: Rat Salad is NOT to be confused with the Rat Cakes that were for sale. They are actually very good.