“She fed me Rat Salad” ….that is what my child-spawn is about to tell you if his smart-azz keeps requesting it for dinner.
This is true, people.
The daycare lady is supposedly feeding Greedy Kid #3 Rat Salad for lunch. And now he wants me to make it at home. He is like a broken record, asking for Rat Salad all the damn time. Are my non-diseased meals not good enough for him? Must he want the infectious Rat instead?
So I wonder. What if I humor this whining child-spawn and really give him what he wants?
RAT SALAD – THE RECIPE
(warning: do not read this if your breakfast/lunch/dinner is NOT fully digested yet)
Ingredients:
1 freshly-trapped rat from the inner walls of my old apartment when I was 24.
2 large handfuls mildew-withered spring mix
1 rotten antelope egg, finely chopped
1/4 cup slimy carrot shavings
1 tbsp rancid Parmesan dust
3 plucked nose hairs from the snout of this man
1/4 cup regurgitated walnut pieces
1/2 cup feet-stomped tomato residue
3 cups boiled vinegar dressing
Directions:
Mix it all up and feed to your child. Purposely withhold barf bag and make him clean up his own mess.
——————-
You see that! My kids are spoiled. They get exactly what they ask for. Its Rat Salad for dinner.
Disclaimer: Rat Salad is NOT to be confused with the Rat Cakes that were for sale. They are actually very good.
yikes, rat salad? that’s quite the name for food!
😛
[email protected]! that is all
Sweet! I want some rat salad.
You have just enough ewwww and a bit of awesome to keep me coming back! See ya next time…
I am so confused!
Two words: Rat.Salad. <—why you be confused? Must I explain everythings!?!!?
Rat salad? What’s next! Sounds um… tasty….
You need to hook Greedy Kid #3 with a hidden camera or something and get the real dope on this Rat Salad.
Yes!
Hmmm…I know what I’m making for dinner tonight! WooT!
so you can get to that freshly-dead rat trapped in my old wall?
GROSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think I’ll pass on this one.
Oh, Greedy #3…silly goose!
You went to far with this one, friend.
eh, maybe. but my kid started it. he is to blame.
First of all, thank you for the dead rat pic. I especially like the blood oozing out of him. Second, I hope the day care lady isn’t actually feeding your Greedy Kid rats.
I won’t even get started on those links.
Another fine post, Yucky 🙂
Hmmm, too many calories. Can I sub in rat lite instead? 🙂
lol! you have got to share this story with his daycare lady. she will get a kick out of it and then you can find out what she is really serving him. 🙂
YUM!
i’ve got a backyard full of voles—maybe i can whip up some Vole salad instead?
OK, now my face is totally green. I am sure your son’s daycare provider isn’t feeding your child rodent flesh. I don’t know exactly what rat salad is, but I kind of guess that the dubious-sounding dish of which your boy speaks is the kiddie-cookbook standby with the pear half and raisins and other fruits/veggies, made to look like a little mouse. Here’s a version.
First place a lettuce leaf on the plate, then create this mouse
Body: 1 canned pear half (narrow end is the head)
Nose: small piece of cherry
Eyes: 2 currants or raisin halves
Ears: 2 marshmallow slices (easily cut with scissors)
Tail: 1 green bean.
Another version of this dish is as follows. Pear Mouse
Canned pear halves transform into an edible mouse in this kid’s snack. Have the child place a pear half, flat side down, on a plate. The small end of the pear will serve as the mouse’s head. The child places two cloves in the small end to make the eyes and a raisin below the eyes for the nose. Use two banana slices for the ears. Carefully break a toothpick in half to hold the banana slices in place. Remove the toothpicks before eating the pear mouse.