Dear Mr. Fast Food,
It's just about over between us. You are not sexy anymore. Your greasy goodness and fried fanfare used to sparkle like the sun and hypnotize my digestive tract. I was hungry like the wolf for your love, but now, not so much.
Remember when I adored you? It began as puppy passion with those 20 chicken nuggets. I was damn proud to polish off every single one. Then it turned teenage crush when I feigned for you each weekend.
But then you brought the horror. Ugly, rotten, gastric horror.
Why did you give me food poisoning? Twice? I was a faithful woman, but you gave me a bunch of crap. Your antics went way too far.
You alienated me from my slender size 6 and bloated my ass till it ripped my favorite jeans. I had to work real hard to deflate my thighs and stomach. I won't go through this again!
Just between us, you actually look real pretty when you're photoshopped in print, but I'll never step out of my safe zone:
- Chick-fil-A sandwich, 430 calories
- Wendy's Spicy Go Wrap, 320 calories
- Egg McMuffin, 300 calories
And don't call me a hypocrite for those Fast Food Cheat Sheets. They help Fast Food Junkies transition away from your monster grip and start eating with a half-brain of sanity.
Your Former Love,
Josie
Do you still need to send your break-up letter to Mr. Fast Food? If yes, what are you waiting for?
