Good ‘ole greedy Salma. Had I known about this sooner, I’d have hired her hungry self to eat up those bastard termites that were infecting my house. Instead, we paid a bug slayer. But maybe somebody else can get Salma to eat up their ants, or dirty cockroaches, or silverfish, or whateva.

From Diets in Review: Salma Hayek’s Bug Diet

In yet another edition of “almost too disgusting to be believed,” Salma Hayek has confirmed that she enjoys eating bugs. While appearing on an episode of the David Letterman Show, Hayek confesses that she often dines on ants, worms and grasshoppers. The Mexican native said, “…the eggs of these little ants, fried, are amazing, with a little guacamole. And the worms… there are many, many different recipes for these.”

Adding that worms, ant eggs and grasshoppers are excellent sources of protein, she continued, “The little grasshoppers, they have a smoky flavor to them. I think it’s the way they cook them, and it’s really good.”

Could this be the key to her slim figure? I think I’d rather have a protein shake. Or even a steak.

In general, Hayek doesn’t have a “diet,” instead, she watches what she eats and minds her portion sizes. In the past she’s been connected with Diet Designs meal delivery program.

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Diets in Review is your online resource for health and weight loss information. More than 1000 reviews, daily diet blog and free healthy recipes. Shape a Healthier You!

Me, not exercising at the wave pool. Except the waves didn’t come yet.

Are you the poster child for functional fitness? There can be more than child on the poster, so let’s make it a group photo. Who says a workout isn’t a real workout unless you put on special sneakers and cardio at the gym?

It’s summertime, people. There are so many ways to exercise without technically exercising, and you might end up burning more calories. I’ve been running my azz off and doing other “technically exercise” stuff, but when you spend 6 hours at a water park – walking and splashing and mermaiding in water without barely sitting down the whole time – that’s better than a 5-mile run in the ugly humidity.

Then there’s hiking and leisure biking, or gardening and mowing the lawn. There’s beach-frolicking with sandcastles and volleyball. That’s all exercise, too. Summer isn’t over, so I suggest you enjoy it to the fullest with some “not-exercising” functional fitness.

Don’t freak if you miss out on a technical workout. If you simply focus on having a great time this summer, you will indeed be getting a healthy dose of exercise.

….and now in other news…. Greedy Baby tearing up my house again. I caught her sticking Honey Nut Chex in the air vents.

How do YOU do functional fitness. That is, exercising without technically exercising?

Never mind that I’m wearing a disguise. Today I don’t give a damn about my hair standing up all wild like I suffered electrocution therapy. So far this week I went on a 2.5 hour rocky hike and burned almost 1,300 calories. Then I frolicked at a water park for close to 6 hours with a helluva-lotta walking. My feet hurt to prove it.

And did I mention we’re painting the house this week? The OUTSIDE of the house. So today is that one day in my week of Staycation-ing that I didn’t brush my hair.

So here I am in an un-natural state. Without a comb and exercise free. Just lounging o-round.

I was inspired to make the deee-licious-looking No-Cook Summer Tomato Pasta from @WritersKitchen. But then I got vegetable-lazy. The tomatoes just sat… and sat… and sat. They are now a moldy mess fit to be force fed to a wicked step-mother-in-law or someone such as. The tomatoes are rotten and my money is lazy-wasted. I am left without this greedy-good dish inside my Food Trap.

Frackin’ foodie fail.

And here we have Exhibit #2. It is my first sincere attempt at some good ‘ole fried chacken (that’s chacken with an ‘A’). But well seasoned, yet charred poultry is NOT my fault. In the middle of cooking, Greedy Kid #1 called for a ride home, so I left the frying chacken for husband to administer. But he was playing Xbox and so the chacken was neglected. Husbands and frying chackens just don’t mix.

And now in other news….

Disclaimer: I’m only doing this because I was born with Flintstone Feet. This cereal is pictured on Greedy Baby’s potty-throne. Because it tastes like sh!t.

So what the hell is going on here? They extracted the all-natural rainbow coloring out of the Pebbles and implanted that vibrant pigmentation into some marshmallows – except now it’s pastel colored.

The nutrition label lists a train wreck of un-natural ingredients concocted in the evil pits of hell. Open up the package of Marshmallow Pebbles and it wreaks from the smell of artificial-ness. Until now, I have NEVER been stomach-twisted over the smell of a Taste Test. Greedy Kid #1 likens it to the aroma of a cheap vanilla candle. I gotta be honest. I don’t want to do this, but here it goes….

#$!@#%! …. Please don’t do this to your children. That would be child neglect. The pebbles have a flavor from the scum of a pond and the marshmallows are the malfunctioned clones of some unLucky Charms. So. Very. Nasty. This box of Pebbles is trash-bound.

PEBBLES NOTES

• Price Paid: $4.29 for 11-ounce box
• Serving Size: 3/4 cup (so unrealistic)
• Calories: 110
• Fat Calories: 5
• Total Fat: 0.5g
• Sodium: 70mg
• Carbs: 24g
• Fiber: less than 1g
• Sugars: 10g
• Protein: 2g

REACTIONS FROM THE TASTE TEST CREW

Health-hater Husband: No. I’m not tasting that.

Greedy Kid #1: It’s not nasty, but it tastes weird. (and then she threw it out)

Greed Kid #2: Tastes like low-end Lucky Charms.

Greedy Kid #3: Mama, I like it! (and I’ll never allow him another bowl)

Yum UP! to: Fred Flintstone.

Yuck Down to: Stomach twisting food fumes.

View the complete Taste Test Directory and Fast Food Cheat Sheets.