Please allow me to deceive you in itty-bitty bits. Ostrich Jerky has the ostrich in it – it even has the ostrich on the front of the package, yet it’s infused with some beef.

But let me tell you, people. The ostrich makes ALL the difference. I may never put another piece of fully jerked beef in my mouth again. It’s all about the ostrich infusion with its light flavor and chewiness that doesn’t hurt your eating-jaw or cause trauma to the claws of your teeth. The Ostrim brand comes in long, thick strips, not thin, short pieces. It also does a fantastic job at keeping the blast of sodium taste to a minimum while delivering a subtle dose of Teriyaki that’s right on the mark.

The entire package is seriously cheap if you get it online at LuckyVitamin.com, and it’s freakishly low in calories even when you chew on the ENTIRE package. I don’t know of another way to enjoy a stomach-satisfying snack that smashes you with 10 grams of protein for only 60 calories.

You need to be trying this, ASAP! I think I’m in ostracized heaven… wait, is that right?

OSTRICH NOTES

• Price Paid: $1.41 for package
• Serving size: Entire package (2 large strips)
• Calories: 60
• Fat Calories: 10
• Sat. Fat: 0g
• Sodium: 310mg
• Carbs: 3g
• Sugars: 1g
• Protein: 10g

REACTIONS FROM THE TASTE TEST CREW

Health-hater Husband: So this is what ostrich tastes like? It’s good.

Greedy Kid #1: It’s better than normal jerky because you can actually chew it.

Greedy Kid #2: Nope. I’m eating oatmeal right now. It’s gonna ruin the flavor.

Greedy Kid #3: It tastes like ham. <–(huh?)

Yum UP! to: LuckyVitamin.com! I loving that place more and more and more. And a big thank you to Dubya Wife for revealing to me the secrets of the ostrich.

Yuck Down to: Hard beef… (the jerky kind).

View the complete Taste Test Directory and Fast Food Cheat Sheets.

Go on gurl. Rock ‘dat style for East-ahh!

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Jolly Ranchers are da bomb, but these might give you hairballs.

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Eh, I prefer regular Skittles over the pastel variety.

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Because no barbecue is complete without the drinks.

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This one qualifies as edible, because it’s grocery money.

Have a ghetto-fabulous day, err-body!

Well, nope. I’m not calling my Greed Baby an idiot. But let me prove to you how I am the one that is very stupid.

I saw a post on About.com talking about the 10 Best Abs Exercises yada-yada something err other. The Ab Roller was on the list at #9, so I bought it at Target for 12 bucks.

But then I re-read that same list and realized what it really was listing was the 10 Best To Worst Ab Exercises For Strengthening the Rectus Abdominus, with ab roller STILL at #9 as the almost absolute worst. Duh! But the writer must have been stupid, too, because #10 on that list is blank. (Edited 3/8/11: okay, so it’s not empty like I thought, but go check out the “terrible” ab exercise that is #10. What idiots!)

Why the hell would I count on this ghetto list to teach me anything? And yes, I am asking this question to distract from the fact that I bought the ab roller in the first place.

So I decided to do some ab-rolling for myself.

And yeah, I’m still an idiot.

I’m not gonna use this damn thing. It hurts my back when I ab-roll. What a waste of money. I could have bought the $12 lunch special at that sushi place instead.

Have you ever bought a fitness apparatus that was a waste of money?

…and now in other news. The Bikini Body Blog Roll is up on the left sidebar! Check out the peeps who are in on the Bikini Body Challenge, and then get in on it with us if you haven’t already.

I’m an extremely lazy busy woman. And that means on some days, I have less than 30 minutes to put in work for the Bikini Body Challenge. I shared this time squashing problem with the man-blogger that is Rog Law (who is also a Personal Trainer and Certified Strength and Conditioning Coach) and forced asked him to create a tailor-made workout for the people of YumYuckytopia (that’s you and me) that can be done in as little as 20 minutes. So are you ready to workout!?

Watch Rog in this quick 2-minute video tutorial that showcases all the moves, then read on for his full explanatory breakdown of the workout.

Bodacious Bikini Body Blaster

When it comes to working out consistently, finding enough time is one of the main hurdles that most people face, but have no fear for I am here to help! The following workout requires no fanciful equipment or major investment of your time, so as long as you’re willing to kick it up a few notches for the entire session, you will be handsomely rewarded for your efforts. Alright Yuckers and Yucketts, no more chatting – it’s time to get your sexy on!

The Workout: Starting with A (below), perform each exercise in order for the prescribed number of reps, taking only as much rest as you need to before moving on to the next one. Once you reach the end, cycle back through the exercises again until the allotted time expires. Make sure to mark down how many total reps of each exercise you perform and aim to beat this number the next time you repeat this workout. Rest 2 minutes before moving onto the next series and repeating the same process.

Here is a breakdown of how this would look:

A (10 – 15 minutes)

• Elevated Torso Pushup – 5 reps
• Goblet Squat Presses – 5 squats + 5 press = 1 rep (5 reps total)
• Seal Jumping Jacks – 25 reps
• Leg Lowering – 5 each

Rest 2 Min

B (10 – 15 minutes)

• Mountain Climbers – 20 each leg
• Half Kneeling Curl To Press – 5 each arm
• Stability Ball Deadbugs – 5 each side
• Weighted Glute Bridge – 5 reps

Rest 2 Min

C (5 – 10 minute bonus round)

• Squat Uppercut – 5 each side
• Ali Shuffles – 15 per foot

The Weight: For all of the weighted exercises, start with a weight that you think that you could only do 10 times with good form and adjust accordingly if it’s too heavy or light. You’ll notice that you’re only doing 5 reps with that weight, and that’s by design. By the time you get towards the end of the workout, you most likely won’t even be able to perform the 5 reps that you started out with, and that’s fine. Only do as many reps as you can with good form.

Exercise Form Notes

• Mountain Climber: Work to minimize badonkadonk bouncing. Keep it as still as possible
• Leg Lowering: Make sure to keep your core tight so that your low back is pressed into the floor during the entire movement. Try not to let the leg that you aren’t lowering move at all.
• Deadbugs: Make sure to keep your core tight so that your low back is pressed into the floor during the entire movement.
• Weighted Glute Bridge: Only go as high as squeezing your butt will take you – don’t excessively push your hips through in order to use your lower back.
• Elevated Torso Pushup: Keep your core tight and don’t allow your hips to sag when performing the movement. If it’s too hard or too easy, adjust the height of the incline accordingly.

Now go forth into the world and conquer, but don’t forget to come back here and let me know how badly this workout kicked your buttcheeks!

Rog Law is committed to your Sexification. For your weekly dose of fitness fun, wacky antics and more information on how to take your life into your own hands, follow @RogLaw on Twitter and check him out at RogLawFitness.com.

Back when I was toying with the daring idea to be ready for a bikini, Kohy was one of the first to encourage me to go through with it. That’s when the Bikini Body Challenge was born! So I’ve called on the man-blogger that is Kohy to take us to the School of Abs to find out exactly what it takes to make this body-part look sexy in a bikini. Just take a look at his own abs right there in picture. Did I pick right one for this post, ya’ll!? (wink)

How To Get Great Abs

Kohy is showing off his abs, yo!

As a South Floridian, I often forget that this is the time of year to start planning vacations to various sandy destinations across the country. While you may call me me sun- spoiled, I’m forced to forego my winter fattening phase and maintain a lean beach appearance year round. So when I challenged Yum Yucky to commit to the bikini, it was only fitting that I offer my insight on the topic of how to get those abs beach ready.

Before I dig into the meat of the subject at hand, let’s put ourselves in the proper mindset for developing a great pair of abs. If what you desire is a lean, defined, tight midsection…or just a slightly less flabby version of your current gut, we must properly assess all actions involved. Great abs can simply be defined as a midsection that bares very little excess fat. The degree to which one displays a rigid six pack will vary based upon the amount of muscle mass in the abdominal area. Before I get into what goes into getting a great pair of abs, allow me to cover a few things that won’t.

•    No number of crunches is going to burn the fat off your gut. Feeling the burn (in your muscles) should not be confused with burning fat cells. Weighted abdominal exercises may build bigger muscles, but it won’t make your waist smaller.

•    Neoprene waist-belts are often marketed as products that will help you sweat the fat off. While there is some merit behind the practice of removing subcutaneous water, it won’t make a bit of visible difference if your body fat percentage is higher than the number fingers you have…on one hand.

•    If you’re pursuing a workout plan for the sole purpose of obtaining a slimmer waistline you’re setting yourself up for failure. The truth is, getting a great pair of abs is less about the abs themselves, but more about reducing overall body fat. You can’t burn fat from a specific area any more than you can control where you gain it.

Training: The exercises you choose may vary based on body type or desired appearance. A little research on the anatomy of the abdominals and how they function will provide great insight on how to train them effectively. A majority of us want to create the appearance of a narrow waistline. Therefore you should avoid weighted exercises of the obliques, as this may result in a stronger, but wider waistline. Often overlooked is the Transversalis Abdominis that lies underneath the 6 pack region which serves to suck the stomach in. “Sucking it in” will train the inner abdominal muscles which are responsible for giving the appearance of a flat stomach. To get the most bang out of your ab training, inhale deeply at the top of the movement and forcefully exhale and contact your abs as you crunch your knees toward the torso.

Cardio: In order to reveal what you’ve built with your training, you must incorporate sufficient cardio. If you’re one of those people who starts your routine on the treadmill for an hour only to trudge through 20 min of uninspired dumbbell-work, you may want to rethink the order of your routine. The body will burn fat more efficiently while performing aerobic activity (cardio) after glycogen (fuel) stored in the muscles and liver have been depleted. Guess what type of exercise uses glycogen as fuel? Weight-lifting!

Diet: Great abs are a badge of honor reserved for the most disciplined. Your resolve will be put to the test every time you step a foot in the kitchen. Your sworn enemies will be sugar, refined carbs, and junkfood of any kind. Arm yourself with 5-6 meals of lean protein, whole grains, high fiber and you will win the war. There’s saying that “abs are made in the kitchen”, and if you think you’re going to get into that bikini without adhering to a meticulous diet, you might as well start looking for a one-piece.

Kohy Holmes is a Professional Gym Rat and “Transformation Model” for VPX Sports. He blogs as an advocate for weight-training, eating big, and smart-supplementation. For a glimpse into all things cool in the world of fitness, follow him @HDtrainingzone and KohyHD.com.