The Art of Laziness: 6 Tips to Improve Your Technique

Laziness is an art form. You should not feel bad about it. The techniques presented here are revolutionary. Don’t say I never helped you with anything…

#1. PROPER COUCH-AZZING POSITION: It’s an absolute must. If you didn’t know this already you are not worthy to indulge in laziness. Proper technique also requires creative use of blankets and/or pillows for ultimate lazy-comfort. Alternatively, you can lay your ass on the floor.

#2. BUCKET OF CRAPPY FOOD: Highly recommended. If you choose to be lazy while chomping on healthy food… well, that’s just all kinds of wrong. Grab some chips or something. Recommended food pairings also include Cheetos with Kool-Aid, popcorn with extra butters and/or multiple slabs of Bacon Jerky.

popcorn The Art of Laziness: 6 Tips to Improve Your Technique

#3. IF POSSIBLE, HAVE A CHILD NEARBY: Preferably, one who is not yet old enough to think fully for themselves. That way, when you command them to bring you cold drinks & snacks, there will be little-to-no fussing or back-talk from the kid. Although teenagers have the delusional idea they can 100% think for themselves, please save yourself the bullcrap. Use a younger kid instead.

lazy person The Art of Laziness: 6 Tips to Improve Your Technique

#4. TELEVISION REMOTE: Either have it nearby or act like you don’t know how to use the damn thing so someone will change the channel for you. I used the, “Oh my gawd, I don’t know what I’m doing” technique last week. It worked out well. The hubs came into the room and recorded my favorite show for me. So yes, this works.

#5. HEATING & COOLING SMARTPHONE APP: This is technologically impressive stuff for the most advanced lazy person. A heating & cooling app on your smartphone will empower you to not have to get your lazy ass up to adjust the thermostat setting in your home. Alternatively, you can bitch & whine until someone else adjusts the temperature for you. That is also very effective.

temperate app The Art of Laziness: 6 Tips to Improve Your Technique

#6. BONUS LAZY TIP FOR MOTHERS OF BOTTLE-FED BABIES: If the baby cries in the middle of the night wanting to eat, pretend you are sleeping. Pretend you don’t hear a damn thing so the husband will have to get up instead. I used this lazy technique frequently when my gremlin-children were babies. It’s very effective.

Disclaimer: The art of laziness is best performed in occasional bouts, intermixed with an active lifestyle. Be lazy at your own risk. I will not be held liable for excess laziness that leads to back pain, weight gain, or personal guilt stemming from you sitting on your ass for too long.

Do you find these tips uber-fabulous? Got any lazy techniques you’d like to share? Hit me up in the comments, baby.

FOLLOW ME!

Facebook

Twitter

YouTube

Instagram

Speak Your Mind! •

23 Comments

Good Morning, Bitch Face

bitchface Good Morning, Bitch Face

The clock read 6:08 am. Yup. She overslept.

Sandy crawled out of bed, let out a fart, then picked the wedgie from her butt crack. There’s just no pleasant way to put it. It’s what happened.

“Good morning to me,” she groaned in a bitchy voice. Self-directed sarcasm is apparently a thing now. Shame on you for not keeping up with the trends.

Getting out of bed was the easy part. Entering the hallway and traveling, ninja style, past the kid’s room to take a much-needed pee would require exceptional skill. The recruitment of additional brain cells required to strategically place her footing oh-so-gently to prevent the wood floors from creaking was pretty much a matter of life and death.

If she didn’t maneuver on the floor boards just right, it would ignite an explosive chain reaction that would begin by the kid waking up too early and totally screwing Sandy out of her workout. This apocalyptic event would conclude by the earth dislodging from its axis and our planet spinning wildly out of control throughout the universe.

Dear gawd, please don’t creak ‘dem floor boards.

Sandy pulled back her brunette bed-head into a messy bun and took that courageous first step into the hallway.

One foot maneuvers to the left. Now turn the right ankle inward in an uncomfortable, unnatural position for a 2-foot leap forward onto the toes only. Shhh! Quiet now. Keep the arms out for balance and hold breath. If breath is not held, the extra heaviness of oxygen moving in & out the lungs is enough to cause weighted pressure on the floor boards.

Slowly… SLOWLY!!!

Whew. Sandy made it to the bathroom with impressive, silent precision.

Just as she was about to close the bathroom door, the junk in her trunk bumped John’s electro-shaver off the edge of the sink. Dammit! The shaver broke into 3 large pieces on the floor — the kind of brokenness she hoped Krazy Glue would fix in a hurry if John wasn’t already stomping up the stairs to investigate the clanging.

John has Sasquatch feet dipped in concrete. So much for Sandy’s silent maneuvers across the floor boards. Didn’t make a difference now. She could’ve bowled herself across the hall instead, hitting every wall like a human pinball. Surely the earth is falling off its axis at this very moment. Please put on your crash helmet.

“Mom-meeeee. Where are you? I want youuuu.”

Oh great. It was the girl-child, Jilly. She had the morning voice of a 70-year-old chain smoking grandpa on valium. Rather unsavory for such a cute kid. And please, a quick sidenote here: Her name is pronounced Jill-e. Not “Jelly”. Don’t ever say, read or even think it to be pronounced as Jelly because the kid will have a bitch fit.

Considering John’s electro-shaver problem, he didn’t utter a word. The glazed over, pseudo-psychotic look in Sandy’s eyes was enough for him to pretend it never happened. He picked up the shaver pieces in dead silence. Sandy headed down the stairs, totally ignoring Jilly’s beckoning. The child would find her anyway.

6:14 am now. Workout must be done by 6:45 am. Workout clothes not even on yet. This is not good.

At the bottom of the steps Sandy sensed that planet Krypton had also fallen of its axis. The living room — her workout space — was in shambles. Broken crayons everywhere. A roll of toilet paper streamed across the couch. Why? No one really knows. Construction paper cut into 150,498 tiny confetti pieces all over the floor (yes, she counted). DVDs strewn everywhere, including the one they bought last weekend, now cracked in half from being stepped on. A bowl of Trix cereal sat upside down in a pool of milk on the area rug.

It was like a scene out of Sesame Street meets Hoarders.

“What the hell!!” Sandy’s bitch-voice rose 15 decibels and redirected itself at the people responsible: Jilly and John.

Jilly’s nickname is The Destroyer. No explanation necessary. Last night John hung out with Jilly so Sandy could hit the hay early. After tucking Jilly in way too late (did he even notice the mess?), he ate a sammich and fell asleep on the floor.

6:37 now. Sandy’s unexpected morning maid chores ate into her workout time like a chained-up billy goat eating its first meal in weeks. But there was just enough time for some quick stretching. Better than nothing. Better than whining. Better than being all woe-is-me about the situation.

Sandy gave herself a quick attitude adjustment in an effort to lose the bitch-face, and squeezed in a few successful minutes of stretching. At 6:45 she headed back upstairs to deal with The Destroyer and Silent John before getting ready for work.

But wait… she stepped on something hard & crusty. Upon closer examination it proved to be a piece of burnt bacon from last night’s BLT’s. There was a brief, zero-point-five seconds when she thought about eating it.

…because bacon makes everything all better?

THE END

FOLLOW ME!

Facebook

Twitter

YouTube

Instagram

Speak Your Mind! •

32 Comments

BCAA’s: Branched Chained Amino Acids for Intermittent Fasting, and Other Supplements I Use

This is a follow up to my post on Intermittent Fasting Results. Check that out if you haven’t already.

Isn’t supplementation for the muscle head dudes at the gym? Definitely not for girls. An absolute a no-no. Taking pills and powders to boost your fitness, nutrition and athletic performance is wrong… isn’t it?

NOPE!

First things first. There are supplements on the market that are well known and rooted in science to be effective when used as directed. We’re not talking about some of the craptastic stuff that Dr. Ozzy shills on TV. Here’s my advice: Anytime someone suggests a product/supplement/idea to you (including me), I encourage you to play the sleuth, do your own research and decide if it’s right for you before jumping in head first.

Why I Supplement

 

Supplementation helps me perform at a higher level during my workouts (higher level = greater results) and also aids in muscle recovery and muscle growth. It prevents my body from breaking down, especially on the days that I might not get the ideal amount of nutrition through food. In an epic nutshell, it supports my fitness efforts to the max. Supplementation wasn’t necessary back in the day when a whole bunch of too-much-cardio filled my workouts. However, with my dedication to strength training as a way of life, supplementation has been needed.

Sidenote: I don’t take a pre-workout supplement or eat a pre-workout meal. Even before Intermittent Fasting I always chose to train in a fasted since I’m an early riser. My workouts begin at around 6am each day.

BCAA’s: Branched Chain Amino Acids

 

Holy guacamole. This is a must for me. BCAA’s are essential nutrients found in protein-rich foods. The BCAA’s leucine, isoleucine, and valine are “essential” because they cannot be synthesized by the body. They must be obtained through food. BCAA’s are primarily metabolized in the muscle tissue, opposed to other amino acids that are metabolized in the liver.

bcaa powder BCAAs: Branched Chained Amino Acids for Intermittent Fasting, and Other Supplements I Use

Intake of BCAA’s during fasted training provides a quick and most direct source to feed muscles, providing energy while preventing the breakdown of muscle tissue. Unlike health shakes and other foods, you do not need to wait 30 minutes to an hour for BCAA’s to digest and “activate” before you begin your training. BCAA’s absorption takes place quickly, within 10-15 minutes of ingestion. This is why BCAA’s are a vital tool for training during Intermittent Fasting. I suggest you read How to Use BCAAs for Optimal Results for more info. It’s a great article, including an explanation on how it aids in fat loss.

My BCAA of Choice: NOW Sports Branched Chain Amino Acid Powder

 

I do not take BCAA’s on my rest days — only on the days that I strength train, which is typically 5 days per week. After a ton of research into if BCAA’s were right for me, I then began to read up on which particular product would be best. I learned that BCAA in pill form meant taking a lot. Way too many. Most of the powder forms I came across (the kind you mix with water in a blender bottle) turned out to have artificial flavors & artificial sweeteners to mask the taste.

Prior to receiving my first shipment of NOW Foods Branched Chain Amino Powder BCAAs: Branched Chained Amino Acids for Intermittent Fasting, and Other Supplements I Use (100% pure, no additives), I read that the stuff is super nasty, but I didn’t believe. How bad could it be?

Ohhh my freaking GAWWWD! The stuff is butt-ugly-nasty. But after playing the mad scientist, including a few failed experiments, I came up with a concoction that masks the taste without artificial crap, while “costing” me only 5 calories to ingest.

True Lemon BCAAs: Branched Chained Amino Acids for Intermittent Fasting, and Other Supplements I Use

A packet of 100% natural True Lemon is the answer. Find it at your grocery store in the Kool-Aid aisle. It’s got no artificial crap in it. True Lemon contains crystallized lemon juice, 1g sugar, 1g carb, Vitamin C and Stevia. It masks the tastes wonderfully. Although it technically contains 5 calories, I don’t count this as “eating” while on my fast, because 5 calories is so darn insignificant. The True product line has a bunch of other flavors BCAAs: Branched Chained Amino Acids for Intermittent Fasting, and Other Supplements I Use as well.

How I Mix My BCAA’s

  • approximately 17 ounces of water in blender bottle
  • 1 packet True Lemon
  • 3 teaspoons NOW Sports BCAA Powder

Shake all in blender bottle BCAAs: Branched Chained Amino Acids for Intermittent Fasting, and Other Supplements I Use. Then shake some more. Do a dance while you’re at it. That’ll shake it extra. Okay…now shake again. The stuff is hard to dissolve, but if you wait a few minutes it works out fine. There may be some BCAA residue at the bottom of your bottle with your last gulp. Always shake before drinking. It helps. This mixing suggestion ends up tasting like lemonade. There may be a very faint taste of the BCAA, but it’s not even worth complaining about.

I start sipping my BCAAs during warm up and I’m ready to re-fill my blender bottle by mid-workout. So that makes two full bottles of BCAA lemonade that gets slurped throughout my workout. It’s suggested by other BCAA users who fast to drink a 3rd helping around mid-morning, but I stop at 2 bottles, then have hot tea for the remaining duration of my fast. It’s just a preference.

Full list of supplements that I take on the days I strength train:

I did all my research and compared various brands before deciding on these specific products. All of this may seem like overkill, but I train hard. This is what I do to support my training.

Daily vitamins I supplement with include Vitamin C (a total of 6,000 mg daily), Biotin for my hair, skin & nails, Vitamin D and B12. I use Nature Made vitamins. It’s a top notch brand.

Related Yum: 4 Natural Fat Burners for Weight Loss

I’ll be posting more Intermittent Fasting progress pics in the near future, so stay tuned for that. And as always, please leave me your wonderful comments and inquisitive questions that I appreciate so very much. You can also send me tasty desserts if you dang well please. That would be fantastic.

FOLLOW ME!

Facebook

Twitter

YouTube

Instagram

Speak Your Mind! •

21 Comments

Lower Body Burnout Set

Leg day accomplished? Excuse me, but you ain’t finished yet. Tack this burnout set onto the end of your leg day routine. It’ll only take a few minutes. A burnout set will put the Oooo in your Ahhhh and keep you on the fast(er) track to transforming ‘dem legs and ‘dat booty.

LOWER BODY BURNOUT SET (complete one round)

  • 10 slow, deep squats with 2-second pause on the low end
  • 20 alternating curtsey lunges
  • 15 static lunge low-end pulses (left leg)
  • 15 static lunge low-end pulses (right leg)

Time under tension and proper form is key. Don’t perform these exercises too fast or rely on momentum. Keep it slow, controlled, and focus on the tension on the low end.

  • For more of a challenge: Add a dumbbell or kettelbell.
  • To make it a full workout: Complete 3 rounds instead of one.
  • To make it a hybrid workout: Add 20 pushups onto the end of each round, or use this burnout set as a mini leg workout before hitting upper body.

Good Reading: 9 Steps to Building Beautiful Female Muscle

…and don’t forget to S-T-R-E-T-C-H!!!

stretching Lower Body Burnout Set

FOLLOW ME!

Facebook

Twitter

YouTube

Instagram

Speak Your Mind! •

26 Comments

Greedy Recipe! Easy Mashed Fake-tatoes

Why should breast implants, hair weaves and Monopoly money have all the fun? In world of imitators, this is a damn good bowl of Fake-tatoes. You’re gonna go wild for the stuff. I promise.

cauliflower mashed potatoes Greedy Recipe! Easy Mashed Fake tatoesclick on image to enlarge the tastiness 

MASHED FAKE-TATOES

serves 3-4 hungry stomachs

  • 1 large head cauliflower
  • coconut oil (amount will vary)
  • white cooking wine
  • onion powder
  • garlic powder
  • pepper
  • sea salt

DIRECTIONS

  • Cut cauliflower into large florets and boil all until tender.
  • Transfer strained florets to large bowl for mashing.
  • Substitute coconut oil for the same amount of butter you would normally use in a regular mashed potato recipe.
  • Generously sprinkle in onion powder, garlic powder, pepper and sea salt.
  • Splash in a tiny amount of white wine (about 1 tablespoon) and continue mashing.
  • Any watery-ness at the bottom of the bowl? Carefully tilt bowl to drain additional liquid.
  • Allow mashed florets to cool down to warm (approximately 10 minutes).
  • Transfer mashed concoction to blender in 2 separate batches.
  • Puree each batch until smooth and silky in appearance, then transfer to serving bowl.
  • If you haven’t been greedy and ate most of the Fake-tatoes during the preparation process, you are now ready to enjoy this bowl of tastiness. ((burp))

You might say it’s a plate of cauliflower mashed potatoes, but I simply call it a bowl of low carb Wonderful. It’s great for dinner or packing in a container as part of your lunchtime feeding — real tasty ‘n stuff. Even though these “potatoes” are technically a fake imposter, I know that YOU, my friend, are seriously legit… too legit to quit.

FOLLOW ME!

Facebook

Twitter

YouTube

Instagram

Speak Your Mind! •

27 Comments
Disclaimer: Not all exercise programs are suitable for everyone. Check with your doctor before beginning any exercise program. Neither Josie, YumYucky.com, nor anyone else associated with this website will be responsible or liable for any injury you sustain while exercising.