Nope. This is NOT a sexy-time type of workout that leads to the booby trap prize of birthing a spawn. But this type of cardio does indeed require the bed as a fitness tool.

Some lazy people are by accident – because they have a really busy schedule and their booty body just konks out. Other lazy people are on purpose – because they don’t want to get off their azz to do anything.

Whichever lazy category you fall into, chances are you’ve experienced Pile of Clean Laundry on Bed Syndrome; and now it can earn you some cardio benefits!

HOW TO DO THE LAZY WORKOUT

you must do all steps…

• Step 1: Wash & dry your clothes.
• Step 2: Leave clean clothes in dryer for 2 or more days.
• Step 3: Remember clothes in dryer since you need clean underwear, bra, or jockstrap.
• Step 4: Pick desired garment(s) out of dryer, leave rest inside.
• Step 5: Tomorrow, transfer clean clothes to the folding platform: Your Bed
• Step 6: Go do something important, like watch TV or take a nap on couch.
• Step 7: Nighttime comes, so do more TV & couching.
• Step 8: Wake up tired as hell and head up to bed.
• Step 9: See large-azz pile on bed and get pisssed. (cardio burn = 0.25 calories)
• Step 10: Throw clothes onto chair or floor (cardio burn = 0.75 calories)
• Step 11: Jump into bed (cardio burn = 1.5 calories for the jumping part)
• Step 12: Wake up, put clothes back on bed, then Repeat Steps 6 thru 11 later that day.

Total Calorie Burn = 2.5 calories per day.

Incorporate this workout into your lazy-azz schedule and you will reach your goal weight within 15-20 years….. Congratulations.

Disclaimer: You are NOT allowed to ask Josie how she knows the ins and outs of this workout.

[photo credit]

Gimme some of them graham crackers, baby! Especially the ones when my half-azzing kids leave the package open, causing the cracker to get old and soft and chewy.

I like the stale ones best.

But wait! Now there’s Quaker Honey Graham Chewy. It’s infused with grahammy-ness. I don’t eat Chewies anymore, but I buy them all the time for Greedy Family. They can inhale 2 boxes (20 bars) in less than 5 days.

Don’t worry about a microscopic trace of graham-taste in this one. The flavor shows up big time. It’s good. Everything you know an ‘ole Quaker Chewy to be, but they put the graham in it.

Good job, Quaker. I ain’t gonna eat it, but my family will.

HONEY GRAHAM NOTES

Taste Testing Aftermath

• Price Paid: $2.50
• Calories:90
• Fat Calories: 20
• Total Fat: 2g
• Sat. Fat: 0g
• Sodium: 80mg
• Carbs: 18g
• Fiber: 2g
• Sugars: 5g
• Protein: 1g

High Fructose Corny-ness? Nope. But it has “oligofructose“. What the hell is that?

REACTIONS FROM THE TASTE TEST CREW

Health-hater Husband: Honey Graham flavor? I like that.

Greedy Kid #1: It’s good – just a regular granola bar, but I really like the graham taste.

Greedy Kid #2: I don’t want it. I already ate too much food today.<–party pooper

Greedy Kid #3: Oh yeah! This is good. I’m getting more.

YUM UP! to: Giving kudos to food I ain’t gonna eat.

YUCK DOWN to: 20 bars gone in 5 days. That’s ridiculous, dammit!

View the complete Taste Test Directory and Fast Food Cheat Sheets.

How’s this for bacon & eggs?

I think I just threw up inside my neck a little.

BOOGIES ON THE WALL

I’m just about sick and ready to turn beastly. Someone put a large boogie on the bathroom wall. Right by the throne. Which probably means they were poo-ing and picking boogers at the same time. By the time I found it, it was all dry and crusty.

So who the hell did that!?

One of the Greedy Kids? Or a visitor, maybe? No one will own up to it, of course, so I’m stuck picking petrified booger off the wall. Now you know what I do when I’m not Taste Testing food.

So let me tell you this: When Greedy Kid #2 was 4-years old, I caught him picking his boogies. So I demanded he put them in a tissue. He cried tears real hard and said, “…but I was gonna eat that!”

PLEASE VOTE FOR TRISH!

If you Twitter, please copy & paste this Tweet:

“Hey @BookieBoo I want @IamSucceeding to be the next #mamavation Mom. She has my Support.”

Trish from IamSucceeding is an awesome member of the blogging community, and she’s on a mission become the next Mamavation mom. If selected, she will receive 7-weeks of healthy lifestyle mentoring and support to help with her weight loss goals. She will also receive some awesome fitness tools, like this treadmill. Oooo!

Trish is full of love and support for others and she deserves this. Please Tweet the message above for Trish so she can move on to the next round of voting. It only takes minute. Pay it forward and show Trish your support! You can find her on Twitter at @IamSucceeding.

MY BLOG IS BLING

I’m giving major kudos to my tech-bloggy team that makes Yum Yucky go. Mack Richardson is the genius web designer that took my vision and made it pretty for your eyeballs. He also did my Typepad to self-hosted WordPress transfer. His price is reasonable and he listens to your needs.

Eleven2 is my web host (founded by Team Giles). As I am major-tech-illiterate, I’ve already made contact with Eleven2′s 24-hour support team on several occasions. They are responsive and have been quick to answer my questions and address my issues. Maaah-velous!

If you are considering an upgrade to make your blog bling, you should be in touch with Mack and Eleven2.

LIVIN’ FOR THE WEEKEND

So I might go computer-free for the weekend. I have a hot date with Husband. And then I have to finish scrubbin’ that boogie off the wall.

Disclaimer: No additional child-spawns will be conceived during the hot date. At least I hope not.

This is the honor system, people. So I’m totally busting out the garbage-food that is currently lurking in the Yum Yucky kitchen. This is with the assumed understanding that YOU, my dear friend, will tell me about your garbage too. But I’m not talking about this kind.

I have ludicrous-justifiable reasons for it all. So allow me to explain it away and reedemeth myself with excuses for why this garbage is in my house.

BLOCKBUSTER BUTTERY MOVIE THEATRE POPCORN

My mom bought the popcorn. For realz. I swear.

DRAKES FUNNY BONE SNACK CAKES

I was gonna do a Taste Test to have some stupid fun, but then Husband said it’s not a new product. So now he’s eating this garbage. But I wouldn’t eat it now anyway due to the dinosaur placenta that leaked onto the box – from the baby dino cracking out the egg.

2-LITER SODA

I bought this for my kid’s birthday so I could please her guests. But now it’s old and flat. And it’s nasty just like it was the day I bought it. Because it’s soda. And I don’t drink this crap. I only buy liquid garbage for other people to ingest.

COOKIE DOUGH ICE CREAM

Totally busted. No excuse. But if I think real hard I can come up with something. But wait! I’m too lazy-tired to think right now. I need some coffee.  ((snore))

Okay! Now it’s your turn. Check your kitchen right now and tell me what delicious garbage is lurking and waiting to smack you in the mouth at a weak moment. If you are not at home right now, do not fret. I’m certain you can recall the last piece of tasty-garbage you bought.