“I’m a Badass and I Know It”

Welcome to February, all you lovely peoples! Last month’s theme was “No More Jiggle in the Middle”. And while your jiggly parts may not be totally gone yet (emm, I know mine aren’t), I hope you trained hard to continue decimating those jigglies with cardio and firming it up real sexy with weight training.

Oh, good. Okay then.

Now moving on to February’s theme… “I’m a Bad Ass and I Know It”

This month’s theme was inspired by me wanting to quit in the middle of my last workout. It was hard. Really hard. I didn’t think I could finish. It was KILLER. But I’m not a quitter and stopping in the middle of a workout is totally unacceptable.

So in the middle of my 3rd round of push-ups, I started to say to myself out loud, “I’m a badass… I’m a badass… I’m a badsass…”

And yep, that affirmation gave me the steam I needed to stay strong and finish strong. Sometimes you just gotta remind yourself of who you really are.

I’m a badass. So are you.

And guess what, everybody. This is my birthday month. I’ll be 39-years-old on February 17th! 

Holler!

Anybody wanna send me a birthday card? I love getting happy-mail. Send me a birthday card, yo!

Josie Maurer
P. O. Box 1962
Wilmington, DE 19899

I’m seriously thinking about NOT having a traditional, high calorie birthday cake this year ((gasp!)). My recipe for So Delicious Low Cal Strawberry Shortcake was ohhh sooo tasty, and the Greedy Family really loved it, too. I’m wanting to cake-celebrate that way instead.

Okay, everybody. Let’s get it crackin’! Be the badass that you are all month long by putting in the work to get the body you want. I’ll be doing the same thing over here. You can bet on it.

I’m learning to embrace failure and mistakes. I encourage you to do the same.

Failure and mistakes used to squash my confidence. It made it hard for me to look at myself in the mirror and see any good or hope for what I might be able to accomplish in the future. Was I a loser? Was it even possible to get it right? Between me telling myself I’m a screw up and knowing some other people felt that same way about me, I was really effed up in my thinking.

Sure. Screw ups, mess ups and plain old bad decision making do cause loss and set back. But who the hell in this world hasn’t had loss or setback? Who claimed we were entitled to a life free from any of that?

You can do one of two things to address this very human problem:

1) Wallow in the failure and mistakes. Let the hurtful blow escalate in its power to cripple you from believing you can ever change or have anything better in your life. Harp on it. Let it totally take over your thoughts as a constant reminder of why you can’t have what it is you’re seeking after. Because it just too grand or would take too long or it’s totally out of reach because it’s damn near impossible anyway. And you’re just not cut out for anything better than what’s going on in your life right this very second.

or,

2) Let the failures and mistakes roll off your back like water. Do NOT let it consume you. Learn from it. Now you know what NOT to do. What approach NOT to take. Even if some mess ups continue, if you have real desire for change, growth and improvement, you will NOT be stopped. It might not be easy or always comfortable, but you will make a way and that way will work, and you will have what it is you’re seeking after.

Do I want to be screwing up all the time and making wrong moves? Nope. But I’ll be damned if I’m gonna waste precious time inflicted bashes upon myself when I could be moving forward instead; when I could be avoiding a ditch by not repeating that same insanity. Ditches will still be there. You might slip and twist your ankle a little bit, but there’s no need to totally fall in the pit. Not repeatedly, anyway. Not if you embrace the failures in a positive way.

Don’t waste time wallowing and allowing that beast to plant negativity in your mind. That’s not helping you at all. Spend time learning, avoiding the same mistakes, and paving out ways that work.

“Booquisha has been a slacker for weeks. Maybe today she’ll get her lazy azz up to do cardio and drink up some Sleekology.”

2) procrastination:  Putting off something, especially out of habitual carelessness or laziness.

“It is not good to procrastinate. Justin does that with his laundry and now he’s wearing dirty spandex to the gym again.”

3) lack of planning: Without apparent forethought. Having no particular purpose, organization, or structure.

“I don’t give a damn if Mildred brags about that 3,000 Days to Shred DVD. Her lack of food planning has her eating Cheetoes out the vending machine before noon.”

4) lack of commitment: Absence of determination and follow through to work hard at something pledged or obligated to do.

“Bart’s lack of commitment to building man-muscles has him starting Day 1 of that expensive Q80X Fitness System for the 5th time now. He’s never made it past day 10.”

Put in the hard work this week and make it count! I know dang well you are NOT a slacking procrastinator who doesn’t plan or follow through because you’re soooo not committed to your fitness goals.

It’s this chick right here!

Congratulations to Rita, and thank you to EVERYONE who entered. You are ALL a bunch of bad asses!

1987 (age 14): I was eating an average 8 slices of Domino’s Pizza every Friday with no weight gain.

1989 – 2003: I barely ate pizza at all, so no problem.

2004: My pizza addiction began. I ate an average 6 slices of takeout pizza every Friday night (plus everyone’s leftover crust) — the greasy kind made by pizza employee Joe Schmoe, who probably scratched his balls with his bare hand before prepping my order.

2004 – 2010: I gained weight, then lost weight (yay!), but STILL had a pizza-eating problem. My fitness progress was there, but slow going.

Early 2011: I decided that enough was enough. I was sick and tired of being controlled by my addiction (I call it that now, but didn’t recognize it as addiction at the time), and slowly reduced my Friday pizza-eating from 6 slices down to 2. I also identified other greedy carb overloads and reduced or eliminated them all together (good-bye entire loaves of french bread thickly smathered in butter). All of this took me many months to master.

2012: I’m through with takeout pizza forever, yet I still love pizza and see no need to give it up. I simply choose to re-define the meaning of Pizza Night to ensure my body transformation continues.

THIS was my dinner tonight…

My homemade pizza (before baking).

Fresh ingredients included: spinach, plum tomatoes and onions, plus basil, other Italian seasonings, and easy on the cheese. My homemade pizza was less expensive than takeout and definitely less calories, while bigger on taste and satisfaction. And did I mention zero guilt?

My pizza after baking.

There’s no reason to give up the foods you love. Simply scale back if that works for you. But as for me and pizza? That called for a totally new definition of what Pizza Night means to me.

Joe Schmoe is no longer taking my orders. No more delivery of greasy pizzas to my door. I’m making the damn pizza myself. Because it’s just better that way. ((burp))

Health-hater: I am doing my job. And what the hell are YOU doing?

Me: ((no response))

Husband: Oh, that’s right. You ARE doing your job. You’re laying on the couch.

Me: ((no response))

—-

How am I supposed to respond to that? Couch-assing is definitely my job.

There’s no baking involved and it’s literally ready in minutes. I constructed my cake within a wine glass, because I’m fancy like that. I can sense that you’re the fancy type, too.

There are only 3 ingredients:

1) Angel Food Cake: This type of cake contains about 72 calories per 1/12 slice. It’s main ingredient is egg whites and contains NO butter, with minimal sugar compared to other kinds of cake. You can usually grab an Angel Food Cake in your grocer’s bakery department for cheap (about $4 to $5).

2) Fresh Strawberries: Do NOT buy frozen. Snag some fresh Driscoll’s strawberries if you can. Driscoll’s has never done me wrong. Always fresh, always the tastiest.

3) Strawberry Yogurt: The yogurt I used was brought fresh from the Amish peoples, but Chobani Greek Strawberry yogurt will do just fine as well.

Slice about 1.5 cups strawberries and cube about 1.5 cups Angel Food Cake.

Construct your cake within the glass by layering the 3 ingredients in this order:

• 1-2 dollops of strawberry yogurt
• Angel Food cubes
• Strawberry slices

Then repeat the layers.

The final product delivers moist, spongy cubes of Angel Food decadence accented by fresh berries and yogurt that mimics a real, high calorie Strawberry Shortcake. The ingredients are a heavenly trio that were meant to be together. The greedy side of your brain will think you’re snacking on a sinister no-no, but a generous portion of So Delicious Strawberry Shortcake with its healthy benefits will only run you an estimated 300 calories.

I ate a glass of cake today and I’ll be damned if I don’t eat me another glass next weekend. Won’t you do the same?

If you’re inspired by the idea of delectable recipes containing fresh berries, then make Driscoll’s berry recipes and ideas your next interwebs destination.

I started doing Insanity last year. It’s the workout style I prefer most: high intensity in short time with maximum effort and maximum sweat for maximum results. It works for me. This is how I roll.

Equipment Needed: Your body, bottle of water, towel, mental toughness.

The Warm Up: Even the warm up is a little bit insane, so my advice is to allot 2-3 minutes for your own pre-warm-up time before you pop in the DVD. Because once you do, you’re headed right into a brisk jog in place, and the warm up only goes higher from there. Immediately following the warm up you’ll go into generous stretch that feels Oooo-ahhh-amazing.

Crux of the Workout: Delivering fantastic cueing with constant reminders to “keep good form” and “keep your core tight”, you’re in for one helluva ride, people. If you think 20-minutes is no big deal, just consider the plyometric-palooza that includes moves like high knee jog, moving push-ups, diamond jumps, mountain climbers, burpee push-up jacks, plank holds, and fast football feet, all set to epic rocker music. The fatty parts will begin to melt as you simultaneously build muscle. Your body WILL be changed. Isn’t that what you want?

Shaun T specifically cautions you to stay at your own pace and know your limits, so if you’re worried about not keeping up, just stop that right now. Even Shaun and his workout peeps in the background are taking unscheduled mini-breaks and scraping themselves up off the floor. Then it’s time to s-t-r-e-t-c-h.

This program is NOT for beginners or anyone with troubled knees, ankles, heart problems, whimpy attitude, etc. If you lack mental fortitude, you either need to go get some before doing this program or use Insanity Fast and Furious to start developing mental fortitude right now.

“I’m just a tool to get you to where you need to be. If you don’t wanna go there, that’s on you.” ~ Shaun T

Insanity Fast and Furious is a-buzz on the Yahoo! Shine Get It Guide

The Giveaway: Leave a comment and tell me why you’re bad ass. No, really. I wanna know how you’re pushing daily to achieve your fitness goals.

Your chance to win ends Tuesday, 1/24/12. Winner announced later this week. United States entries only. Totally null and void where prohibited.

Ready? Set. Get Insane!