First it was the cheesecake incident. And now this. Do you see it?

Someone took a bite out of my deodorant. It went missing about a week ago (don’t worry — I have backups, so whatever you’re smelling is NOT me). Then the deodorant mysteriously re-appeared, but with teeth marks in it.

So take a wild guess at the culprit.

Greedy Baby has been growing sticky fingers lately. She will take your keys. Your earrings. Your unopened mail. Possibly anything that’s not bolted down. And then she hides it. I’ve even found petrified slices of cheese tucked in cozy little places.

I thought my deodorant was safely inaccessible to the child, but nooo. Greedy Baby swiped my deodorant and took a chunk out of it with the claws of her teeth. “I bit it, but I didn’t eat it,” she tells me. Umm, okay then. Well that just fixes everything, now doesn’t it?

Momcation / mämˈkāSHən/  A vacation away from the kid(s) so the mom can NOT deal with any bullshit for a little while, like watching 15 straight episodes of Barney & Friends or making sammiches the child asks for and then doesn’t want 5 seconds after you make it or when the older kid washes the same load of clothes 3 damn times because she was too lazy to take it out the washer the 1st & 2nd times she washed it and like when the other kid won’t shut up about a pair of $120 Polo boots he wants from Nordstrom (effing Nordstrom!) even though I just bought him a new Xbox 360 … and… and… and… I need a momcation. And some uneaten deodorant, please.

It looks terrible, doesn’t it? It’s actually worse than it looks in the pic. Up until a few hours ago the skin on my thigh was nice and smooth. But look at it now. I have a 4-inch, 2nd degree burn on my leg.

How exactly?

I was dealing with some boiling water while draining the whole grain noodles that were cooking. Half of that scalding water went down the drain like it was supposed to. The other half landed on my leg.

It hurts really bad. At first the skin looked as if it had melted off my leg, but then it bubbled up with blisters.

If a pot of hot water can do this, I can’t even imagine how people go through worse burns caused by direct flames, hot oil or chemicals.

Please be careful in the kitchen. And please keep your little child-spawns out of the kitchen while you’re cooking. For right now I’m gonna deal with this pain and hope this burn doesn’t cause too much of an interruption in my workouts.

And now in other news… all I ate tonight was a salad. My stomachs definitely have some caloric wiggle room for a small bowl of ice cream.

Update 12/13/11: So the burn looks 10 times worse this morning. I’m calling it hideous.

Last year I was lucky enough to do a Claritin ad in Family Circle, and this time I got picked to be in Glamour Magazine.

They did an open call on Twitter in search of women at their “happy weight”. I saw it. I clicked the link. And then I submitted my picture with a quick bio, yet I thought to myself, “They’re never gonna pick me for this.”

But they did pick me. Well how about that! I got to go to New York for a photo session in Times Square.

I’m on page 46 of Glamour Magazine’s January 2012 issue. It’s the one with the Kardashian b!tches on the front. You should go grab a copy. The article features 6 women, including myself. We’re each holding a sign showing our weight.

It’s really interesting to see the other chick’s weights and do a little comparing (sorry, I couldn’t help myself). It was a great visual lesson on how height and body composition play a big part in how a person looks. Go check it out. You’ll see what I mean. And at least two of these women used to be over 200 pounds. Their weight loss is amazing. It’s very inspiring.

So, hmmm. I wonder if I’ll ever get another opportunity like this again?? I sure hope so! It was a lot of fun. ((giggles))

Buttery Cloverleaf Rolls
If you’re in charge of the kitchen-slavery for Thanksgiving and not feeling too lazy, you might wanna to impress you family & friends with these homemade Buttery Cloverleaf Rolls. I would need about 8-10 rolls just for me, and everyone else gets whatever rolls are leftover. Gotta look out for self.

This Woman Haz So Much Yoga-ing Swag
Dear, gawd, how did Snacking Squirell get into this pose?  I wanna do it. I want to achieve this kind of contortion. Get step by step directions on what it takes to do it.

CDC Scandal Exposed In Mercury/Austism-Link Cover Up
“Documents obtained via the Freedom of Information Act (FOIA) show that CDC officials were aware of Danish data indicating a connection between removing Thimerosal (49.55% mercury) and a decline in autism rates.  Despite this knowledge, these officials allowed a 2003 article to be published in Pediatrics that excluded this information, misrepresented the decline as an increase, and led to the mistaken conclusion that Thimerosal in vaccines does not cause autism.” [read full story]

Runners World Magazine
$11 for 12 issues. Today only (Nov. 4th).

Hey guys! I’m feeling kinda random today, so I wanted to let you in on some news and stories I came across that are definitely worth reading (and the last story is a real doozie). Have a great weekend!

Vegan Sweets On Parade
So what if it’s vegan and you “don’t eat that way”. These sweet creations from spabettie.com are beautiful to the eyeballs and no doubt happy on the taste buds. There’s New York Cheesecake and Chickpea Cookie Balls to name a few. Go check out the parade!

Garmin Unveils New Tool For Multi-Tasking Fitness Buffs
It’s the new $.99 Garmin Fit app for Android and iPhone. Do we really need another app that tracks time, distance, calories, etc.? Decide for yourself. Learn more about the Garmin Fit app.

CDC Director Arrested for Child Molestation and Bestiality
“Dr. Lindsey and her boyfriend allegedly involved the child during sex, and DeKalb County police claim they discovered photographs of Lindsey performing sex acts on a couple of her pets… Some of you may wonder why I’ve chosen to discuss this story. Some may think it’s in poor taste and doesn’t belong in a newsletter about health. However, I believe it’s relevant to be aware that someone in charge of your child’s health is allegedly engaged in child abuse. Her actions raise serious questions in my mind about her level of concern for the health and well-being of children in general.” Read full story at Mercola.com.

Since the real buffet is overrun with fat calories and cholesterols, how about your chew on a buffet of Yum Yucky news instead? This newsflash is fat-free and filled with delectable goodness.

Quickie Fitness Videos

I’m a wee bit nervous about this new feature, but my love for fitness cannot be squashed! The show must go on, so I’m launching a series of Quickie Fitness Videos to show you how I do fitness when I’m lazy tight on time. All of the workouts are 15 minutes or less and designed for you to burn fat AND build muscle all in one workout. The workouts are centered around bodyweight exercises and plyometrics. It’s these types of exercises that have been effective in my weight loss journey, so I’m sharing my favorite fitness moves and personal workouts I keep in my arsenal. I’m filming my first workout this weekend! ((insert butterflies in my stomachs right here))

Shape Magazine Awards

See that woman hanging in mid-air? I shall replicate this MizFit move once I purchase some invisible wires and strings for up-in-the-air suspension purposes. For you wonderful peeps who don’t blog, you may not know the MizFit. But you can get to know her now and, if you love her as much as I do, cast your vote for MizFit in Shape Magazine’s “Top Blogs For Fitness Junkies” awards.

Glamour Magazine Photo Shoot!

I’m heading to the big NYC later this month to be photo-shot (is that a word?). It’s for Glamour Magazine’s January 2012 issue! I’ll have to save all the extra details until later, but I had to spill the beans on some kinda a level by at least sharing the good news with you that I got picked. I can’t tell you how great it feels to be selected for this. New York City, here I come!!!

Have a fantastic weekend, everybody. I’ll be celebrating someone’s birthday on Sunday, which means I’ll be chewing on extra large cake slices.

Update 10/3/11: Giveaway winners are: The Duo Dishes, Jody – Fit at 53, @somerskys, LB, and 444. Congrats!

When the Green Giant called on me to enter into his valley of vegetables in Minnesota, I assumed he is a gentle creature, so I agreed to go. He’s a vegetarian, after all; not a hungry carnivore in search of a human buffet. Just look at how he towers over those trees. Go on….wave to him.

As you can see, I was very excited to not only meet the Giant, but also to wear a helmet and get access to the test plant to see how fresh corn goes from the cob into the can. Their Niblets happen to be the corn of choice I’ve been shoving into the Greedy Family’s food trap for years now, so seeing those Niblets get canned was like meeting a celebrity food.

What I appreciated more than anything was the enthusiasm of the people who work for Green Giant. The food scientists are really smart and truly dedicated to bringing the best product to our hungry tables. I honestly did not think there were companies out there that still cared. But guess what. Green Giant has respect for the consumer. It’s evidenced in how they do their jobs. Not only that, but they have respect for the land the food is grown on. Before I went on my trip, Health-hater Husband and I just happened to get into this crazy debate about how one day, our land wouldn’t be able to produce enough food to feed the explosion in the greedy population (but I disagreed). And alas! What I learned from the Giant is that they are harvesting more food from the same amount of land (compared to prior years) through their sustainability efforts.

From Green Giant’s Sustainability webpage: “Through farming techniques and better seed hybrids, we’re getting more vegetables from every acre of land. In fact, over the last 35 years our farmers have been able to double the amount of sweet corn they can produce on the same amount of land. That means more food for the world and fewer acres dedicated to agriculture.”

Booyah! Josie wins that debate. Health-hater is the loooser!

Everyone was amazing. The other bloggers who were invited, the Green Giant Team, their stellar PR firm (best firm I’ve ever dealt with), and the local peeps who helped to make it a wonderful event.

And know I ate good food, riiight? Just look at those vegetables! There was other stuff, too. Like pie. Just sayin’.

So I brought a little bit of the valley back home with me to share with you. Five commenters will each win one coupon for a free package of Green Giant Valley Fresh Steamers frozen vegetables. Because free food is fun. And vegetable-ing is good for you.

5 random winners will be announced on the right sidebar of the blog on Sunday, October 2nd. Green Giant paid for my travel and expenses. I was not required to write about the event, nor was I compensated for this blog post. Photos courtesy of Green Giant Veggies.

This article from Mercola.com explains it well and in great detail, so make sure you read it! But here it is in a nutshell:

There’s a new FDA proposed regulation (it came out in July 2011) that would ban many low cost dietary supplements (like fish oil) that we’ve enjoyed access to for many years. If this ban is imposed, the only alternative might be for us to buy the prescription version of certain, popular supplements. I’ve already seen commercials for prescription fish oil pills (sooo unnecessary when I can get it over the counter). It’s obvious that the pharmaceutical industry’s bottom line is threatened by the rise in health conscious people like us who are staying out the doctor’s office more often and have reduced or completely eliminated prescriptions drugs from their daily regimen due to a healthy diet, exercise AND the intake of certain natural supplements that the FDA seeks to ban without a prescription.

I am sickened by the FDA’s pro-pharmaceutical stance. This is about money – not protecting our health. Watch this video from Dr. Mercola, preferably on an empty stomach:

You guys, what we’re doing is working – the way we care for our health DOES work and its caused certain cash-cow health industries to be threatened. They now have to come up with new schemes to continue their rise in profits. There is NO REASON why natural dietary supplements with a long term track record of aiding us in health and wellness should be regulated by the FDA under such extreme measures.

Sound off in the comments. Are you as pissed off about this as I am?

Note added: The Mercola site does sell supplements and such that may be impacted by the proposed regulation, however, this does NOT take away from the information he presents and the points made about the FDA. This ongoing FDA issue is much bigger than Mercola. Further, he is NOT the only one putting the spotlight on FDA abuses.

It took us over 4-hours to do the Challenge as we scavenger-hunted throughout the streets of Philly. Today my feet hurt and my legs are sore, but the Gorilla Challenge was so much freaking fun!

“Gorilla Challenge is an ‘Amazing Race’ style event, combined with ‘Fear Factor’ and the  ‘American Idol’ where you and your team race to solve clues around the city, taking pictures in silly to crazy poses, completing fun/difficult/gross activities, hoping you either get the grand prize or at least mini prizes along the way, and having loads of fun!”

We gathered at my good friend Kristi’s (left in pink). This is where I met the other awesome gal pals. My scavenger hunt crew!

Once we got to Philly and checked-in, Kristi suggested we kill some time before the event kicked off. In a bar. At 9:30am. LOL! (eh, the bar was right next door)

And this is my first reaction to someone’s suggestion that I do my very first shot ever in life.  As you can see, I was kinda on the fence about it.

…and I obviously needed some help.

Our first clue led us to the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier monument. The rules said we had to snap a picture, saluting.

But not all the clues were easy! It took us awhile to find the park where Kristi had to have an ocean of vinegar sprayed into her mouth before we could earn our next 6 clues.

Philadelphia Theatre Company (where we had to strike a Charlie’s Angels pose), was NOWHERE near the vinegar-spraying park. Geeeze! It was miles of walking ’round that city.

And then we walked for many more blocks (sometimes in the wrong direction) to get to the place where we had to form a human pyramid.

Most of the clues were VERY hard. The hunt was so difficult that not even the Philly locals could show us the way. Don’t they look confused?

But we did briefly meet up with Fred, Wilma and Baby Pebbles to compare scavenging notes. We helped each other solve a few more clues.

After over 4-hours of flexing our muscles around the city, we couldn’t figure out the rest of the clues (we got 8 out of 12) and ran out of time.

So we collected our beaded necklaces and cheered on our fellow Gorilla-ers who won the cash prizes. Oh, and then we had a greedy fro down, of course. My azz was hungry! I gnawed on nachos, a turkey burger and sweet potato fries.

The Gorilla Challenge also has a charity component. They’ve partnered with Accerlated Cure Project for Multiple Sclerosis AND collected our canned good donations on the day of the event to benefit the local food bank.

You gotta check out the website to see if the Gorilla is coming to a city near you!

…because I’m asking for your vote, but ONLY if you’re not too busy and you feel like I deserve it. I won’t force you with the combination head-lock-titty-twister-submission move.

So what’s this all about?

I’ve been nominated by Mamavation as a Top 50 Most Inspirational Healthy Tweep. If you’re on Twitter (and even if you’re not), if I’ve inspired you to live a healthier life, won’t you vote for me? It’s one-click voting, so don’t worry about being forced to sign up or log into anything.

Just go to this page, scroll down, and cast your vote for @YumYucky and any anyone else on the list (up to 10 people) who have inspired you. #thankyouverymuch

And now in other news… what the hell is this? What da fluck kind of bugs are cooking in this pot?  Gah!

((insert belly-barfing here))