“Conversations With a Greedy Azz Kid”

((the phone rings))

Me: Hello?

Greedy Kid #1: Mom, you are sooo jealous of me right now.

Me: ((in sarcastic voice)) Why should I be? Because you’re working late and won’t be home till 10 tonight?

Greedy Kid #1: Nope. Because I’m eating a cheesecake right now.

Me: ((insert jealous feelings here)) We’ll you’re the one gaining calories, not me.

Greedy Kid #1: But I’m also gaining the tastiness of the cheesecake. It’s all rich and fluffy and delicious.

Me: ((hangs up phone until she gets the dial tone))

Children should not be able to flaunt their cheesecake unless the parent is within arms reach to take away their cheesecake and have it for themselves.

Bettah get it while its HOT! Deal ends on 9/23/11 at 11:59PM MST

Get it Now

My food trap was awestruck and the relationship developed quickly. We (me and broccoli) even invited melted buttery goodness and dashes of salt into this foodie affair. But it was never about the flavor enhancements – it’s always been about what broccoli brings to the table.

How could I deny its anti-inflammatory flair, antioxidant rah-rah-rah, and detoxing delight? Yet what most excites my disgestive enzymes is broccoli’s cancer-fighting flamboyance. This is the reason I am the Broccoli Bride for life.

From WebMD: In a new study, researchers found compounds in broccoli and other cruciferous vegetables called isothiocyanates (ITCs) appear to target and block mutant   p53 genes associated with cancer growth.” …and there’s even more on its cancer-fighting power here.

This relationship will NEVER end.

So, uhhh. Since I am a bride ‘n stuff. You should blessing me with bridal gifts. I accept cash, credit, grocery store gift cards, back cracks and foot rubs (but only if your hands aren’t crusty). All of them, please. I want them all.

Are you married to any foods, just like me? Which ones and why?

Maybe I’ve been a little too hard on you lately. All this commanding you to push it and not make excuses for your lackadaisical side is really getting out of control. No?

So I want to make it up to you.

If you feel like all you’ve been doing is laying flat on your azz, do not fret…it’s just the Corpse Pose. Duh! You might think you’re not exercising, but the Corpse Pose is a very real fitness move. The proof of this claim is on instructional display at YogaJournal.com.

These chicks are holding in Corpse Pose.

Fit Tip: Hold the Corpse Pose for a minimum of 30 to 90 minutes. Optional fitness tools to successfully hit this pose for such an extended and demanding length of time include a blanket, bed and lowly dimmed light bulb. This might be hard to do, but I’m counting on you to get through it. The sexy man right here holds the world record at Corpse Pose.

Aren’t you glad we had this conversation?

[photo1, photo2]