This just in!

Two dudes are disagreeing on Twitter and battling it out with headlock maneuvers, pile drive moves and open-handed face slaps. Sorta.

Bacon and pepperoni slices are flinging through the air, interrupting people’s Twitter streams. Kinda.

The pepperoni guy has that Father of the Year, All-American image going on (Awww!) and the bacon guy has that bad-ass, in yo’ face demeanor (Whoa!). I love them both so I will NOT judge between them. We let our Twitter/Facebook peeps decide instead.

Which greasy food tastes better – Bacon or Pepperoni?

SCIENTIFIC VOTING RESULTS

• Bacon: 18
• Pepperoni: 7
• Turkey Pepperoni: 2

Pepperoni gets a beat down! Disclaimer: One person voted for “bacon wrapped pepperoni” – that vote is disqualified.

BACON/PEPPERONI AVERAGE CALORIES PER SLICE

• Bacon: 50
• Pepperoni: 27
• Turkey Pepperoni: 4

Bacon gets a beat down!

You see that. Both bacon and pepperoni got a beat down. It’s a draw, right? Or maybe I’m just a terrible moderator, so just pick one already and enjoy whichever one makes your Food Trap happy.

SELECTED COMMENTS FROM THE VOTERS

• Bacon wins, all the time. Brent C.
• Bacon…duh! Steve Gray
• Bacon makes it better. @EvanMFF
• Bacon! Bacon! I don’t like pepperoni…. @MistiCBR
• Everything is always better with bacon! @LoreLama

Another Disclaimer: these comments were selected randomly without bias. Uh huh.

Ooo-la-la! Look at this assortment of candy crap. Given the wrong day under really screwed up conditions, I could eat a whole load of this stuff. Like this size.

So I’m wondering, if I only eat up to 100 calories worth – just to give my sweet tooth a mini pimp slap – how much could I get?

How many pieces does it take to get to 100 calories without going over?

• 4 Hershey’s Kisses: 88 calories (22 per piece)
• 8 Peanut M&Ms: 100 calories (12.5 per piece)
• 3 Rolos: 81 calories (27 per piece)
• 2 Reese’s Miniatures: 88 calories (44 per piece)
• 25 Reese’s Pieces: 100 calories (4 per piece)

Eh, it appears to NOT be enough.

But I have a scheme.

Since I’m most likely to turn ugly beast for sweets after lunch, I pack one Hershey’s Kiss or two Reese’s Miniatures and leave the rest at home.

My Food Trap is in training to be sensible with chocolate sweets.

But this has nothing to do with that other delectable thing that harassed me the other day. I’m still in rehab for that. So forgive me. m’kay?

How do you deal with the lure and temptation of candy crap? Or are you still in rehab?

• Four weeks ago I was Peanut M&M-free.

• Three weeks ago I ate Peanut M&M's at the movies.

• Two weeks ago I ate a Peanut M&M's at work.

• One week ago I ate another pack at work. Huh?

• Then today I bought MORE.

I was just about to inhale this latest package when the reasonable part of my brain came alive to inform me that a greedy habit was brewing. 

I could (A) keep feeding the habit in it's pubescent stage until it was a full grown monster, or I could (B) not eat anymore and wither away in temptation.

But I didn't do either. I concocted a way to get my Peanut M&M's to love me back.

How to Eat Candy Guilt Free

I'm like a canine who does tricks for doggy snacks. And I'm all about the office stairwell climb. Today I climbed a high a record high 1,200 steps in one work day. I conquered this feat in 4 sets of 300 stairs (it only takes a few minutes).

So here's the Reward. Every time I conquered 200 steps, I earned one doggy snack Peanut M&M.    

1,200 steps climbed = 6 M&M's into my Food Trap. This is way better than eating the entire 250 calorie package.

I found a way to practice moderation and squash a potential M&M's addiction. And the stairwell climb had me breathing harder than I did on my last run from the police.

Do YOU have a greedy habit brewing? Whatcha gonna do about it?

OH damn. This is the crap-stash of treats I snuck into the movies to see Avatar. But please
don't tell, because sneaking food into the movies is against the law.

I thought I could stash this stuff in my bra and pose as a big-boobed sexy woman, but my bra is too small to fit it all, so I stashed it elsewhere.

I mostly eat real healthy 'n stuff, but whenever I go to the movies my brain kicks into junk food candy mode.

Ironically, candy doesn't woo me. It doesn't call my name. It doesn't have the power to make me drool. I just eat it on autopilot, because that's what people at the movies are supposed to do. Right?

I only ate one pack of Peanut M&M's for 250 calories and gave everything else to my friends, but I'm still guilty of buying all this crap. So it got me thinking….

I say screw the traditional must-eat-movie-candy laws!

I do NOT have to eat candy at the movies just because it's the "normal" thing to do.

I can stash a Luna Bar in my sock. I can put a Pure Bar under my hat. I can hide a bag of butterless microwave popcorn in my coat. Etc, etc, etc….

Just because I go to the movies doesn't mean I have to leave the theater 3-pounds heavier.

How do YOU do food at the movies?

A few months back this was my usual Friday night dinner. Four slices of Domino's, plus Cheesy Bread on the side. If the Cheesy Bread didn't make it to the food fest, I'd just polish off other people's pizza crust like a hungry bottom feeder. 

• Pizza: 261 calories each x 4 pieces = 1,044
• Cheesy Bread: 114 calories x 2 pieces = 228

Total bottom feeder dinner calories* = 1,272

I don't eat like that anymore. Now I take 2 slices for 522 calories, maybe one Cheesy Bread, and definitely NO pizza crust bottom feeding. Besides this, pizza-eating every Friday is no longer mandatory.

I had a boat load of "I want a do-over!" moments that ended in utter failure, but thousands of wasted calories later, I've finally got my pizza addiction in check.

I no longer overdose on the pizza. I still want it. I'm just getting better at quitting before the food crimes set in.   

Are you eating any foods like a hungry bottom feeder? Are you okay with that?

Calories calculated from the Dominos website.

I wanted one measly Reese’s Cup. Just one.

So my co-worker offered to go buy me ONE from the corner store.

But she came back with the entire bag because, “Sorry, Josie. They’re not sold separately.”

I had to pay her for the whole entire bag that I did not want.

Remember, I only wanted one.

Then I freaked because Reese’s Cups are 44 calories a piece.

And I ate how many?

Then I had a revelation…..

One awesomely lovely Luna Bar is only 180 calories.

Four evil Reese’s is 176 calories. I ate four pieces half the bag.

What the hell was I thinking?

FAIL!!

Well, er, okay. The half-cup serving size of Cookies & Cream ice cream looks like Sea Gull poo on my windshield after a day at the beach. Sorry people, but I want big ice cream. I only buy it maybe 4 times per year. So I ate the bowl on the right. I ate it all.

On the Left: 1/2 cup serving size = 160 calories

How do you do ice cream? Left side or right side?

At first glance you may not notice a difference in these two bowls of Honey Nut Cheerios. What’s the deal?

The bowl on the left is the 3/4 cup serving size listed on the box at 110 calories. Quite frankly, it’s not enough to satisfy my four year-old’s whiny hunger pangs.

The bowl on the right was poured from the box in a mindless manner (just filling up the average bowl) and represents what I’d eat in real life – about double the “regular” serving size. I don’t think I’m being greedy or unreasonable. The 3/4 cup serving is just too dang small – at least for me.

Here’s My Rule: When I eat my healthy cereal, I don’t freak out and get technical (like I used to) about measuring the serving size. I just pour the cereal and enjoy. How about you?

P.S.

I just discovered the joys of putting Honey Nut Cheerios in my Greek Yogurt. I use it as a back-up when I run out of granola.

How many calories will you ingest when
feeding on the skins from a swine’s back?

Disgusting pig fact: “Manufacturers attempt to burn pig hairs off the skins before converting into rinds, but this is not always 100%
effective.” So what happens to the leftover hairs?  You eat them!

If you’re serious about your pork rinds watch this video on how they’re made (barf).

Is your greedy side begging for a cinnamon danish delicacy drowned in a way-too-big bottle of chocolate milk? No regrets, huh? Cinnamon is an antioxidant powerhouse and chocolate milk is gaining popularity as a great post-workout drink, so this meal is totally justified, right?

• 440 Calories – Entenmann’s Cinnamon Danish
• 400 Calories – Nesquik Chocolate Milk, 16 ounce

*Price Paid: $3.14
*Total Calories: 840

Go ahead and get your fix, but how about in way smaller portions, OK? I’m going to divide the Danish into four pieces and share with the Hubby and kids. We’ll get our sugar kicks for only 110 calories per person. Now that’s do-able!

The Nesquik is a different story. The Greedy Kid #1 never put it in the fridge. I noticed it sitting out on the counter 8 hours after I bought it. Maybe I’ll save it for a thirsty, lactose intolerant enemy.