Some of you say the Greedy Family should have its own reality TV show. But since there’s not a producer around who gives a damn, I present to you a picture rendition of the Greedy Family household. This is what you’d get if our life was on reality TV – our July 4th weekend. I’m just sorry I did not get a snapshot of the part when our neighbors (husband and wife) got arrested and carted away in handcuffs. Those details remain a mystery.

Cute as they are, I am not ashamed to admit that my child spawns turn ugly-faced when they cry real hard. First, Greedy Baby got caught hiding food under her shirt at a restaurant, and then she cried ugly when we ran out of breakfast sausage this morning. Her argument was that no hungry baby should be denied that 3rd piece of sausage.

This is the face of Greedy Kid #2. His eye is no longer swelled half shut, but it still sports the bloody eyeball and outer bruising look. So what happened? Husband challenged him to a game of basketball. Normal everyday stuff. But this time Kid #2 slipped and hit his face on Husband’s moving knee, then fell backwards in a daze and bashed his face on the fence.  But do not be alarmed. This newest accident is purely small potatoes. Greedy’s prior slip ‘n fall basketball accident resulted in a 3-inch gash in his head, memory loss, a concussion, and stitches. Maybe he should take up crocheting instead.

I bought a new pair of sneaks, but I’ll get to that part in a sec. I finally got a pedicure this weekend. Last one before that was 5-months ago, and before that was back when I only had three kids. This is a case of putting everyone and everything before myself ALL the time – the doom of crusty feet is inevitable. So I de-crusted my feet and promised myself to go for salon-professional feet assistance at least once a month. Greedy Baby got jealous of my pedicure, so I had to paint her toes.

And here you have my sneakers! These are the Asics Gel-Trail Attack 6, designed for running on trails with varied surfaces like rocks, gravel, hills, slopes, etc.. I try to avoid the evil pavement because it makes my knees whine. Grass and dirt terrains love me best. I’ve been buying Asics since 1988 when I faked that high school Cross Country injury due to last place embarrassment. I just got this newest pair at DSW for $75. They are a comfy, cushy, and lightweight.

And there goes those frackin’ delicious buttermilk biscuits I told you about. I bought two packages this time for double the eating pleasure.

We opted for a 3-hour game of Monopoly instead of fireworks. Pictured from left to right: (clueless) Greedy Kid #2, scary-faced Health-hater Husband, Greedy Kid #1, my pedicured foot, and Greedy Kid #3. Absent from the picture is sleeping Greedy Baby. All that food-whining made her tired.

This was our weekend. And the reality of our life.

Ya, as in “Photo Shot”.

But this is not all of the Greedy Family. The venomous teen girl (Greedy #1) was away on Spring break and husband was half-miserable at work.

Greedy Kid #2 (top left) was not supposed to be around either, but he showed up last minute, so his clothes don’t match the rest of us. But who cares! Isn’t he one dang-handsome dude?

These photos are the awesome work of Lori Davette Photography here in Delaware. The anomaly that is Yum Yucky caught Lori’s eye, so she invited me and the family to be photographed.

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GREEDY KID #3 desired to do many Power Ranger poses. This is one of few normal shots he graced us with.

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It’s GREEDY BABY! Is she really that shy? Nope. She raises hell daily.

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Ahhh! It’s great to be a momma. I love to see their happy smiles.

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Yep. Greedy Baby stole the show. She’s a natural!

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Lori is amazing to work with! Her father was also a photographer, so she learned from a very young age. Lori’s specialty is children’s photography and weddings. If you are in the Delaware vicinity, I highly recommend Lori Davette Photography.

But doesn’t her work speak for itself? I hope you enjoyed the picture show!

~Josie

Don’t get it twisted. Not all pumpkin experiments are created equal. Some people carve and some people cook, but I don’t want any of that.

I just want to gut a pumpkin…..

….and put it on my head.

The Pumpkin Head Experiment is complete.

Today I’m enjoying some guest post love as I’m featured on my pal Erin’s blog, Purrday with the Kittys. Here’s a sneak peek, then be sure to head over here to experience the complete tale of the Soda Beast in all of its horrific-ness.

The Horrific Tale of the Soda Beast

As a dumb teenager I volunteered to be taken captive by XYZ Amusement Park for $6.25 an hour (fake name, but real story). They shoved me in a hell-hole cotton candy stand with two more dumb teenagers in sweltering 90 degree heat and no air conditioning. There was only a useless fan that blew around hot air and made me yearn for the freedom of a lunch break.

But I never got a break. I naively worked for 12 straight hours (defying child labors laws?) with no relief and no food, except for free cotton candy and soda………Continue reading the “Horrific Tale of the Soda Beast”.

Photo credit: Wyscan

Okay, all you lovely people. It’s time to give Josie a high five hand slap! As I battle the final remnants of post-pregnancy baby weight, my fat cells are wasting away at lightening speed in the region of my booty, thighs and stomach.

Six weeks ago I downgraded my greedy food consumption, so my bod is looking extra sleek (uh uh). I’ve only lost a few more pounds in the last few weeks, but my clothes are ridiculously loose. It’s time to pack ‘em up and donate. As the body morphing continues, I’ll soon change my fitness goals from weight loss to maintenance. Finally!

My sexiness factor is through the roof and this fine specimen of a man especially took notice, but I had to let him down easy. Health-hater Husband is my one and only man, ya know?

Josie’s Recent Foodie Favorites

• Tuna
• Water, water, water
• Blueberries
• Cantaloupe
• Broccoli
• Asparagus
• Trader Joe’s Granny Apple Granola
• Farm Fresh Turkey Burger (from the Amish)
• Chobani Greek Yogurt
• Fiber One (pre-baked) Blueberry Muffins
• Arnold Multi-grain Sandwich Thins
• Special K Protein Bars
• Wendy’s Spicy Chicken Go-Wraps

Grubbing on these sensible foodie favorites has no doubt contributed to my recent success, but it’s still not perfect. There obviously aren’t enough fruits & veggies on the list, so this week I’m challenging myself to eat more all natural foods that grow out of the earth.

Evaluate your own list of foodie favorites. What should be added or taken away?

P.S. If Mr. Beckham comes looking for me again, tell him I’m not interested.

Josie deserves a hand slap. I’ve officially abandoned the lame store that threatens head trauma and, as a service to my stomach hungry people everywhere, moved on to a new, sophisticated setting with more Taste Testing options. The suckling pigs sealed the deal.

Yum Yucky has teamed up with Fat-So, Inc.! The fake fabulous innovator of health and weight loss products that will cause you to abandon the sensible healthy lifestyle strategies that undedicated, impatient people don’t feel like dealing with.

Yum Yucky is proud to be the sole marketer of these ridiculous revolutionary products that will not get you slim and fit, so stay for tuned for the effervescent goodness of Fat-So, Inc.

Have an awesome Sunday!

Josie

At the time of this writing I’m partially delirious, involuntarily lethargic, and in search of a free Sleep Number Bed to nest in for at least three days (I can’t believe they cost this much).

What I thought was a cutesy kid’s party on a farm to feed chickens and pet dirty animals turned into an energy-draining hostage situation. Enter, The Hayride.

We climbed aboard for an assumed 20-minute ride around the biggest-acred farm I’ve ever seen, but no one told me they would drop us off in the middle of the crops to pick vegetables for three hours like minimum wage farm hands. And to top if off, we had to pay for whatever we picked (I didn’t get any free food).

Here’s the narrative of my ordeal in pictures.

Early on at the site of the blueberry crops – my first and last smile. Some really greedy people were eating the crops as they picked, including corn right out the husk. Farmer Joe should have scanned their stomachs for stolen food.

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Peach cobbler was accidentally purchased.

And a Lemon Zest Pound Cake secretly hitched a ride on the roof the car.

Then Heath-hater Husband got hungry for McDonald’s (him, not me).

I burned a ton of calories doing hard labor on the farm, but I gained my freedom. Don’t you think I deserve some peach cobbler for my troubles?

I spent yesterday hanging with family. We barbecued before strolling the Atlantic City boardwalk. Here are some food snippets of what I very closely encountered throughout the day, but did NOT consume – not even one bite. Thus, a smack down to the Greedy Gene…take THAT, you (delicious) fattening food!

Modeled by Health-hater Husband, I witnessed these cook in boiling grease.

They’re oh so good, and my Greedy Gene should have gone out of control, but I didn’t budge. Check out the Cakesters review on The Impulsive Buy.

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Healthy Highlights: A snippet of what I did eat.

• Lots-a water
• Blueberries
• Greek Yogurt with granola
• Broccoli
• Grilled chicken & zucchini skewers

And here are a few of the very special people I shared my day with (from left to right): Greedy Kid #2 (my son), my sister, and brother. Yes, my son and brother are the same age!