While I was hangin’ around Times Square on Monday, passing the time before my photoshoot, I kept seeing this camera crew walking around afar off. But they seemed to be putting all of their attentions on this “fat” woman in pink.

But I’m no dummy. It was obvious this woman was wearing a fat suit and fat makeup. Whoever did her up like that needs to go back to special effects class for a refresher.

So this chick is walking around, obviously trying extra hard to get people to notice her while the covert camera crew catches people’s reactions.

So I walked right up to her and said, “Why are you dressed like that?”

And she tries to act all confused and says to me, “What? I’m not dressed up.”

And I said, “Yes you are. It’s so obvious.” And I walk away ticked off that I’d been lied to. Because I’m no damn fool and I know she’s a liar.

But what I didn’t know at the time is that the woman is Melissa Gorga from Real Housewives of New Jersey (and nooo, I’ve never watched that show). She was doing an undercover piece with Entertainment Tonight on what it’s like to be fat. What the hell for?

The ET website describes Melissa as woman who “has it all: youth, wealth, beauty and a thin physique “.  Watch her go from “glorious housewife to being morbidly obese”.

Melissa, if you’re going to “act fat” in between all that celebrity-ing you do, at least get some real special effects make up and don’t lie to me when I call you out on it. You fail, girlfriend. And so does Entertainment Tonight. The End.

We opted to stop at the ghetto-ish store. It’s the oldest one in town. The store is so old, it has gray ballz and needs a Viagra infusion for grocery-dysfunction.

And this is exactly the kind of bullsh!t you get at the ghetto grocery store. Just look at that presentation in the freezer case. The overkill on the frostbite is a nice touch. And where the hell is the rest of the ice cream?

Why did we even go in there? They didn’t even have the K-Cups we wanted. Repeat after me, everybody… bulllsh!!!t.

I recently overheard a group of men discussing how women typically “let themselves go” after marriage. Some of their major points of complaint against married women in general are weight gain, some form of laziness (with laundry? cooking? I dunno.) and lack of motivation to look presentable in nice outfits (including wearing sweat pants or stretchy pants too much, and NOT wearing matching bra & panties on a regular basis).

Oh my.

My own physical appearance has had its ups and downs throughout my marriage, especially in the earliest years. I admit that. Did I let myself go? Well, maybe a just little. But my inattentiveness to my well being was because of the busyness and stressors of managing a growing family while working full time and trying to keep house. After all of that, I DO deserve to throw on some stretchy pants and couch-azz for awhile, dammit!

But I suppose there’s also a fine line that should be drawn between “relaxing while dressed down” opposed to “plain ‘ole lazy and unkempt”.

It’s easy to get comfortable in a marriage and allow your physical appearance and health to take a back seat to everything else going on in your life. It wasn’t until I adopted a healthy lifestyle attitude that I convinced myself it was NOT okay to let my appearance (including a healthy weight) be an afterthought.

I’ve worked hard to be healthy. I enjoy looking good, feeling pretty and having the energy and strength to do everything that’s required of me, plus all the extra stuff I just feel like doing. And although my husband benefits from the way I care of myself physically, I do it for me, not for him.

Yes, my husband was indeed among that group of men who were talking trash about married women, but I’m proud that he defended us ladies. Very proud, indeed. But, nooo. My bra and panties do NOT match 100% of the time. So what?

So tell me ladies: Should this group of men I overheard be given frontal wedgies and a swift kick in the azz?

Yes. I am talking about the people who are fat. Obese. Overweight. Chubby. Curvy. Big-boned. Eh, whatever you want to call it. But it’s not what you think.

Before I began my healthy living journey I didn’t have an opinion about overweight people one way or the other. I barely noticed them. Yet when I first started to eat right and exercise, they began to stick out to me  – I noticed them more, and then I DID start to have an opinion.

My (flawed) thinking was that ALL obese people – every last one of them – eats too much and doesn’t care for their own well-being. But, hey, that’s their own business. If they wanted to live that way it was fine by me. I had no further opinion about it. End of story.

But that’s how I used to think.

Since being in this blogging game for awhile I’ve struck up some fantastic friendships with beautiful people off all shapes, sizes, races and genders. I talk with them online in the open social media environment. I chat with some via email or on the phone. I’ve even met up with some in person.

…and of all this “getting to know people” has changed me.

I no longer see fat, thin, big, tall, etc when I relate to people. I love all people. I really do! I just see the awesome person that they are and I’m thankful to know them. Sure, are there definitely some peeps whom I’ve known in my life that really DO eat too much and don’t care for their own well-being. Unfortunately, yes. But let’s remove them from the conversation right now. It’s not about them.

Back in the day when I was judging an overweight person without knowing them or their situation, it was the same as someone judging ME because I’m black. That’s happened to me plenty and it doesn’t feel good either. Why not get to know a person first and understand who they are, right?

After watching shows like Heavy and Too Fat For Fifteen (both of which I appreciate very much for helping me to further understand the “why” behind obesity in many cases), I now understand more than ever that being overweight is not always a cut and dry situation.

There may be an eating disorder or other medical condition. It could be a traumatic event from their past – maybe a death in the family, physical or emotional abuse, or even abandonment. There could be an emotional trigger, like stress, loneliness, feeling unwanted or unloved.

I’m sure I haven’t covered the entire gamut of what might make a person struggle with their weight, but if it’s YOU that is struggling – if you desire change and you’re working on it, but have only been met with criticism and finger pointing and whispers and snarky remarks from people who haven’t even bothered to get to know you first, I’m writing this post to embrace you with open arms – to acknowledge your situation, your feelings and your struggle.

I can only hope there will be more people who will “see the light” as I have and respect you as well. This type of acceptance might very well spark a greater empowerment for the overweight person to be healed from their past, to experience recovery, or to simply be happy and free to create new, healthy habits without having to deal with other people’s judgmental ignorance.