“I’m a Badass and I Know It”

Welcome to February, all you lovely peoples! Last month’s theme was “No More Jiggle in the Middle”. And while your jiggly parts may not be totally gone yet (emm, I know mine aren’t), I hope you trained hard to continue decimating those jigglies with cardio and firming it up real sexy with weight training.

Oh, good. Okay then.

Now moving on to February’s theme… “I’m a Bad Ass and I Know It”

This month’s theme was inspired by me wanting to quit in the middle of my last workout. It was hard. Really hard. I didn’t think I could finish. It was KILLER. But I’m not a quitter and stopping in the middle of a workout is totally unacceptable.

So in the middle of my 3rd round of push-ups, I started to say to myself out loud, “I’m a badass… I’m a badass… I’m a badsass…”

And yep, that affirmation gave me the steam I needed to stay strong and finish strong. Sometimes you just gotta remind yourself of who you really are.

I’m a badass. So are you.

And guess what, everybody. This is my birthday month. I’ll be 39-years-old on February 17th! 

Holler!

Anybody wanna send me a birthday card? I love getting happy-mail. Send me a birthday card, yo!

Josie Maurer
P. O. Box 1962
Wilmington, DE 19899

I’m seriously thinking about NOT having a traditional, high calorie birthday cake this year ((gasp!)). My recipe for So Delicious Low Cal Strawberry Shortcake was ohhh sooo tasty, and the Greedy Family really loved it, too. I’m wanting to cake-celebrate that way instead.

Okay, everybody. Let’s get it crackin’! Be the badass that you are all month long by putting in the work to get the body you want. I’ll be doing the same thing over here. You can bet on it.

…it might be you, it might not be you. But maybe you should just hear me out anyway.

I’m learning to embrace failure and mistakes. I encourage you to do the same.

Failure and mistakes used to squash my confidence. It made it hard for me to look at myself in the mirror and see any good or hope for what I might be able to accomplish in the future. Was I a loser? Was it even possible to get it right? Between me telling myself I’m a screw up and knowing some other people felt that same way about me, I was really effed up in my thinking.

Sure. Screw ups, mess ups and plain old bad decision making do cause loss and set back. But who the hell in this world hasn’t had loss or setback? Who claimed we were entitled to a life free from any of that?

You can do one of two things to address this very human problem:

1) Wallow in the failure and mistakes. Let the hurtful blow escalate in its power to cripple you from believing you can ever change or have anything better in your life. Harp on it. Let it totally take over your thoughts as a constant reminder of why you can’t have what it is you’re seeking after. Because it just too grand or would take too long or it’s totally out of reach because it’s damn near impossible anyway. And you’re just not cut out for anything better than what’s going on in your life right this very second.

or,

2) Let the failures and mistakes roll off your back like water. Do NOT let it consume you. Learn from it. Now you know what NOT to do. What approach NOT to take. Even if some mess ups continue, if you have real desire for change, growth and improvement, you will NOT be stopped. It might not be easy or always comfortable, but you will make a way and that way will work, and you will have what it is you’re seeking after.

Do I want to be screwing up all the time and making wrong moves? Nope. But I’ll be damned if I’m gonna waste precious time inflicted bashes upon myself when I could be moving forward instead; when I could be avoiding a ditch by not repeating that same insanity. Ditches will still be there. You might slip and twist your ankle a little bit, but there’s no need to totally fall in the pit. Not repeatedly, anyway. Not if you embrace the failures in a positive way.

Don’t waste time wallowing and allowing that beast to plant negativity in your mind. That’s not helping you at all. Spend time learning, avoiding the same mistakes, and paving out ways that work.

1) slacking: Averting work or effort. Inactive. Not inclined to work or exertion.

“Booquisha has been a slacker for weeks. Maybe today she’ll get her lazy azz up to do cardio and drink up some Sleekology.”

2) procrastination:  Putting off something, especially out of habitual carelessness or laziness.

“It is not good to procrastinate. Justin does that with his laundry and now he’s wearing dirty spandex to the gym again.”

3) lack of planning: Without apparent forethought. Having no particular purpose, organization, or structure.

“I don’t give a damn if Mildred brags about that 3,000 Days to Shred DVD. Her lack of food planning has her eating Cheetoes out the vending machine before noon.”

4) lack of commitment: Absence of determination and follow through to work hard at something pledged or obligated to do.

“Bart’s lack of commitment to building man-muscles has him starting Day 1 of that expensive Q80X Fitness System for the 5th time now. He’s never made it past day 10.”

Put in the hard work this week and make it count! I know dang well you are NOT a slacking procrastinator who doesn’t plan or follow through because you’re soooo not committed to your fitness goals.

January 2012 is the month of…

No More Jiggle In the Middle

Live it. Breath it. Work your ass off and get it done. Say hello to your January anthem. Now repeat after me (and remind yourself every day this month):

“No more jiggle in the middle!” 

Ahhh. Don’t you love the way that sounds? You’re gonna LIKE the way no-more-jiggle looks on you, too.

So what’s it gonna take in this fresh, new month of January for you to begin (or continue) to reclaim your mid-section? I encourage you to create a very personal plan that is targeted, specific and precise to your own situation and goals. Because without targeted, specific and precise, you’re gonna be filled with randomness and wanderings all over the place that keep you going nowhere.

…or do you prefer to default to the slimming vest because you said to me, “No thank you, bitch”  in response to January’s theme:

You know you need change. You have goals. And now you’ve got work to do. I wanna know how you intend to stay steadfast on the road to No More Jiggle in the Middle every single day this month. Let’s hear it!

“Do good unto others” … “Love thy neighbor” … “Give and you shall receive” … These are important biblical ideals I believe in and practice to the best of my humanly-flawed ability: giving of yourself is a loving, selfless act that lifts up others. We need that in this crazy world.

But let’s just switch gears for sec and talk about what you need for YOU.

If you’re not “doing good unto yourself” and “loving yourself” and “giving (investing) in yourself“, you’re gonna end up run down, all washed up, and screaming, “I done lost my damn mind!” Or has that happened already?

The holidays can be maddening and filled with so much you are probably doing and planning for everyone else right now. And that’s great. Go on and do that. But please don’t neglect you… EVER! Don’t send yourself to the slaughter just so everyone else can be happy.

Don’t treat yourself like a piece of shitty by refusing to ever make yourself a priority; by refusing to invest in yourself in a way that will make you better and happier and healthier and whole. The refusal to do so is garbage mentality.

I encourage you to commit to the very important gift of continually caring for yourself. In whatever ways you would define it, do good unto YOU, love YOURSELF and INVEST in YOU. This is a gift that doesn’t cost any money and never goes out of style.

Happy holidays, everybody! XOXO

Josie

“I really wish I were pretty.  All I need are breast implants, liposuction, chemical face peel, eyebrow waxing, keratin hair treatment and/or weaves, teeth whitening and some new clothes, and then I’ll be beautiful and happy.”

Whatever, bitch. You’re already beautiful. Don’t you see it? Go grab yourself some confidence-swag and know it for yourself. xo

Interesting, huh? I’m in better shape now as a mom of 4 kids than I was back then with only 3 kids. I’m looking forward to my next scheduled progress picture in January 2012.

Measuring my progress on the scale has been barely useful. I’m gaining muscle, so the damn scale is moving downward like molasses even though I’m rapidly getting leaner. Pictures, on the other hand, pretty much tell the complete story. My plan in the New Year is to snap a picture of myself every 3 months to gauge my progress.

Taking periodic photos has been more encouraging and inspiring and “I’m gonna get up today and kick my own ass” motivating than any weight loss proof I might see on the scale. The idea of knowing I have an upcoming progress photo also proves helpful at keeping excess foodstuffs out of my food trap and motivates me to keep pushing hardcore through my workouts.

…because who wants a crappy progress picture, right? The camera will back up and prove all your hard work (or lack thereof).

If you’re serious about doing things right in 2012, pull out those big ballz of yours and commit to relying less on the scale and leaning more on periodic progress pictures to stay accountable and show the world (or just yourself) that you’re no fitness slug.

Now excuse me. I be needing a glass of wine, dammit.

Results aren’t instantaneous. You know this. So stop beating yourself up because things are still looking the same (for the moment). “The same” is just a temporary state while “results” works at having its way.

Results are in the day to day, week by week, month after month, being on the grind by consistently putting in the work that leads to the change you want.

Are you grinding?

It’s impossible to be on the grind and not get results.

Why is this happening to me? That was one of my thoughts last week as I found myself in an emotional state I forbid myself to never enter. Just like all people, I sometimes get a little bummed out or disappointed, but actually depressed? How could Josie, the motivator and inspirationalizer, get entangled in depression? Not me.

I considered a few factors like the demands of mothering, wife-ing, a full time job, and blogging. But, eh, I’ve been doing that multi-tasking bundle of stuff for years. I also considered the frustration I sometimes feel from wanting something so very badly (goal oriented stuff), but knowing it’s still a few years off and will require continued effort, diligence, planning and patience to get there. But nope. That wasn’t it either. I understand the concept of delayed gratification, hard work and the rewards that come from it.

So then what was it? What’s this depression all about?

It all started with a Gumby toy I pulled out of Greedy Baby’s toy box. That’s my toy, actually. I’ve had it since around 1979. My mother sent it to me from California (she left when I was around 4-years-old and came back when I was 12). That Gumby is the only childhood thing I possess from my mother. The reality of “it’s the only thing” first made me sad, but then I stayed in sadness a little too long and got depressed.

I’m 38-years-old. I should be over this by now. I love my mother and forgave her a long time ago, so why am I depressed?

Depression obviously has a way of blowing things out of proportion and taking you down a road you didn’t plan on going. And then stomping on you.

Those Gumby toy thoughts then turned into: no one ever told me they loved me when I was kid …and my Grandmom only did the basics, like food, clothing and roof over my head, but no actual love or teaching me about life (there’s a lot of other “in my past” crap that happened, too)… And then that turned into, I’ve been looking terrible lately, maybe even ugly. My husband probably thinks I look terrible, too.

Aha! You see how this happens!? A few factual thoughts about my past spiraled into some extremely frivolous thoughts about my present, and that’s when I started feeling worse… about EVERYTHING! Without any justified basis for it.

But I caught myself. The discomfort of depression was just that – uncomfortable. So I decided I was going to pull myself out of that uncomfortable state. I made the decision to not be depressed. It wasn’t magical. It took effort, but I dug myself out of it (hooray!) and battled back.

I prayed: I’ve been a Christian woman since July 2, 1998. Yessir, I remember the exact day I received Christ. So I prayed and let faith work its unseen power. Then I prayed some more. And more… and more… I labored in prayer and asked Him for help.

I re-focused on my present and future: There’s too much wonderful stuff in my life to allow it to be hampered and suffocating by sadness. That truth re-opened my eyes to the good stuff happening all around me and all the wonderful things I still have to look forward to.

I let go of the past (again): My past is part of me. I can’t change that. But living in the past and feeding emotions from events that are long gone, done and over with serve no purpose in building me up today. It doesn’t add anything to my life. So I let it go. Will the past come up again? Sure. But I’m I control of how I allow my past to affect me.

Depression is a bastard, but it can be beat. And while my depression was very temporary (only a few days, maybe 4), I learned enough from it to realize that it has to been put in check BEFORE it gets the upper hand.

I know Yum Yucky is all about fun and laughs, information and inspiration, which made me kind of reluctant to share this vulnerable side of me with you right now. But you know what? For me to keep hidden this very human side of me would be crazy. If you ever have or are currently dealing with depression, please open up in the comments. Let’s help each other.

Dear Skinny Bitches,

Hey, gurrrls! How you doooin’? Now please don’t get bent outta shape. You should know damn well I’m not a hater. I use that term bitch in a comradery-friendly kinda way, as in “Where are all my bitches at!?” Okay? Now for the sake of this here letter, I consider all you skinny bitches to be lumped in one of two categories:

Skinny Bitch #1) the bitch who cares about her health, works on her fitness and chews on good meals while keeping the sweets and other junk food shenanigans (and alcoholic beverages) to a decent minimum. She is not just slim; she’s also toned, has physical strength, and is healthy on the inside.

Skinny Bitch #2) this bitch takes her slim physique for granted like she’s aesthetically invincible for all time. It’s not that she doesn’t care about her health – she just doesn’t think much about it. And why should she? She eats like sh!t but can still throw on a bikini or skinny jeans with absolutely zero fatty interference. But little does this bitch know, her habits are gonna catch up to her. She could be pimp slapped with a muffin top at any point in time.

I used to be Skinny Bitch #2, so I’m in no way judging you. This is more of a go-tell-it-on-the-mountain and scream it loud throughout all of Slimville that your skinny-bitching may not last if you don’t do something about it right now. I’m writing to encourage you to savor what you have while creating good habits to help maintain your Bitchdom even after you (maybe) get knocked up or just get older and have to fight a slowing metabolism. If that happens, first comes the stomach, then the thighs and ass might start to spread. That’s exactly what happened to me. Why? Because I ignored anything and everything that had to do with living a healthy lifestyle. Dammit!

Oh, my dear Skinny Bitches. It is easier to maintain what you have right now rather than have to work really hard to reclaim it. And let me tell ya, if you have to work to get it back, it NEVER ends up looking quite the same as when you had it the first time around – especially when you’re older. So just appreciate what you have and care for your body from the inside out. Don’t ignore a healthy lifestyle just because your ass is skinny right now. If you do not heed my warnings, you’re gonna be saying, Woe is me! Gone are the slim days that I took for granted when I was eating bacon cheeseburgers and curly fries in my size 4 jeans.

Now get back out there and keep enjoying what you’ve got, bitches. Just be smarter about it from now on.

Love,

Josie