…but first, the time line of historical pizza-problems that led up to the need for serious change:

1987 (age 14): I was eating an average 8 slices of Domino’s Pizza every Friday with no weight gain.

1989 – 2003: I barely ate pizza at all, so no problem.

2004: My pizza addiction began. I ate an average 6 slices of takeout pizza every Friday night (plus everyone’s leftover crust) — the greasy kind made by pizza employee Joe Schmoe, who probably scratched his balls with his bare hand before prepping my order.

2004 – 2010: I gained weight, then lost weight (yay!), but STILL had a pizza-eating problem. My fitness progress was there, but slow going.

Early 2011: I decided that enough was enough. I was sick and tired of being controlled by my addiction (I call it that now, but didn’t recognize it as addiction at the time), and slowly reduced my Friday pizza-eating from 6 slices down to 2. I also identified other greedy carb overloads and reduced or eliminated them all together (good-bye entire loaves of french bread thickly smathered in butter). All of this took me many months to master.

2012: I’m through with takeout pizza forever, yet I still love pizza and see no need to give it up. I simply choose to re-define the meaning of Pizza Night to ensure my body transformation continues.

THIS was my dinner tonight…

My homemade pizza (before baking).

Fresh ingredients included: spinach, plum tomatoes and onions, plus basil, other Italian seasonings, and easy on the cheese. My homemade pizza was less expensive than takeout and definitely less calories, while bigger on taste and satisfaction. And did I mention zero guilt?

My pizza after baking.

There’s no reason to give up the foods you love. Simply scale back if that works for you. But as for me and pizza? That called for a totally new definition of what Pizza Night means to me.

Joe Schmoe is no longer taking my orders. No more delivery of greasy pizzas to my door. I’m making the damn pizza myself. Because it’s just better that way. ((burp))

Hell yes. This is my own creation. It’s one of the most delectable, low calorie homemade treats to ever connect with my food trap. Here’s the final creation, but let’s rewind the recipe so you can see how it’s made.

There’s no baking involved and it’s literally ready in minutes. I constructed my cake within a wine glass, because I’m fancy like that. I can sense that you’re the fancy type, too.

There are only 3 ingredients:

1) Angel Food Cake: This type of cake contains about 72 calories per 1/12 slice. It’s main ingredient is egg whites and contains NO butter, with minimal sugar compared to other kinds of cake. You can usually grab an Angel Food Cake in your grocer’s bakery department for cheap (about $4 to $5).

2) Fresh Strawberries: Do NOT buy frozen. Snag some fresh Driscoll’s strawberries if you can. Driscoll’s has never done me wrong. Always fresh, always the tastiest.

3) Strawberry Yogurt: The yogurt I used was brought fresh from the Amish peoples, but Chobani Greek Strawberry yogurt will do just fine as well.

Slice about 1.5 cups strawberries and cube about 1.5 cups Angel Food Cake.

Construct your cake within the glass by layering the 3 ingredients in this order:

• 1-2 dollops of strawberry yogurt
• Angel Food cubes
• Strawberry slices

Then repeat the layers.

The final product delivers moist, spongy cubes of Angel Food decadence accented by fresh berries and yogurt that mimics a real, high calorie Strawberry Shortcake. The ingredients are a heavenly trio that were meant to be together. The greedy side of your brain will think you’re snacking on a sinister no-no, but a generous portion of So Delicious Strawberry Shortcake with its healthy benefits will only run you an estimated 300 calories.

I ate a glass of cake today and I’ll be damned if I don’t eat me another glass next weekend. Won’t you do the same?

If you’re inspired by the idea of delectable recipes containing fresh berries, then make Driscoll’s berry recipes and ideas your next interwebs destination.

She’s getting older, isn’t she? Greedy Baby is 3 now. I started blogging when she was only 12-weeks-old. And it seems like just yesterday she looked like this.

But, yes, of course. I do have the special powers to say “no” to this gremlin. I certainly don’t take too kindly to threats of, “I won’t give you hugs anymore if you don’t give me another juice box.”

I didn’t cave into that frivolous hogwash. “You gets no more juice boxes!”

Even the greedy chilldrens (yes, I said “chilldrens”) require portion control.

Hey guys. How the hells are ya?! Just thought I’d share a glimpse of my daily eats for today. This is what’s on my menu for chewing. It’s a peek into the foods I eat that help me be all sexy ‘n stuff.

THE FOODS GOING INTO JOSIE’S STOMACHS TODAY

(…and please don’t get it twisted. I do, in fact, have two stomachs: One for normal eating, and a back up chamber for increased food-storage of the extra delicious kind).

Breakfast was: Fresh fruit (strawberries, blueberries and cantaloupe) mixed with homemade yogurt bought from the Amish peoples. No Shakeology this morning because my butt was running late. Dammit! 

Mid-morning snack: Clementine

Lunch: Brown rice & steamed broccoli, plus a chicken Caesar side salad.

Mid-afternoon snacking: Cup of Bigelow Mint Green tea (very flavorful) sweetened with Stevia and a Kelloog’s Fiber Plus Bar (their Dark Chocolate Almond is pretty tasty).

After work snacking: Handful of cashews and some more Mint Green tea.

Dinner: Homemade turkey burger made with recently killed meat (gasp!) from the Amish market, plus some fresh baked, homemade sweet potato chips.

Evening snacking: Cup of coffee with light cream and NO sweetener (yep). Oh, and the evening cereal whoredom shall continue. Gonna have me a bowl or two.

So you see, I’ve got my fruits, veggies, protein, and whole grains with very minimal carbs and dairy products (because that stuff bloats me), and barely any fats. Except for my I-didn’t-get-my-Shakeology-today snafu, all my other meals for today were planned ahead of time.

Make sure you are planning ahead as well. It’s going to set you up for fitness success and reduce your chances of veering into a food ditch filled with all kinds of delectable high calorie treats that were never supposed to be on your menu.

Have a great day!

I’m asking, because this has happened to me, and probably will again. I’ll tell you how I handled it, but first, let me propose the dilemma-scenario in question for your consideration…

YOUR DILEMMA-SCENARIO

You’re seriously hungry. For whatever reason, I don’t know, but your stomachs are excessively way past their feeding time. Maybe you were waiting for hours at the doctor’s office, or you got held up at work. Unplanned crap happens that messes with our ability to eat on schedule, and now it happened to YOU. You have no snacks in your bag, there’s no sort of hippie health food store around for you to grab some kind of organic crunch bar, and you won’t be home for another hour and a half. You are freaking STARVING!

So what do you do?

There are fast foods spots on every corner. Do you continue to starve yourself or do you grab the only thing around — fast food? And please don’t say, “that would never happen to me because I’m perfect and I carry my snacks at all times” because that’s NOT part of this hungry scenario. So what’s your answer? How would you handle the situation? Starve or take the fast food route?

JOSIE’S ANSWER

I used to allow myself to starve until I got home, and it was excruciating. I refused to eat anything that violated my healthy-eating code, especially fast food. But later I decided that was bullshit and there was no reason for me to be putting myself through that starving nonsense, so I started grabbing the healthiest fast food item I could identify opposed to starving myself until later, especially if had worked out earlier in the day.

It’s not too hard to find a decent salad or grilled chicken sammich on a fast food menu nowadays. I recently had both in the last few weeks, and I have ZERO guilt about stepping into a fast food joint. Fast food is my last resort, emergency ninja-move alternative.

So how about YOU? Would you starve until you got home, or get fast-foodie instead?

There it is, right there in the middle. It’s my Karoun Kefir Cheese (also called “Labne”). The judges on Chopped went absolutely foodgasmic when a chef-competitor used Kefir in his custard recipe. I desire to go foodgasmic as well, but in a different kinda way (there’s a Greedy Recipe in this post, so read on).

But what the heck is Kefir, exactly?

Pop the top. Open up your nostrils to breathe in the aroma and you might think you’re getting regular Greek yogurt, but Kefir is actually more similar to sour cream in taste and texture. It also has a more savory, decadent element to it, plus live and active cultures that sour cream does NOT.

Karoun’s Kefir is an excellent way to get in those much needed cultured enzymes to make your gut happy while keeping those taste buds highly satisfied. The combination of decadence and cultured enzymes had me very excited to whip up some homemade salad dressing and dip, because more and more I despise buying the processed/packaged kinds.

Greedy Recipe: Basic Homemade (and healthy) Salad Dressing and Dip Ingredients

Do you see those ingredients pictured above? From left to right, you have:

• Parmesan cheese (you can also use Pecorino Romano)
• Extra Virginated Olive Oily
• Karoun Kefir
• Spices (onion powder, pepper and garlic powder)

To get my Ranch-inspired homemade salad dressing, I used:

• 2 Tablespoons Karoun Kefir (approximate)
• Drizzle of the olive oily
• 2-3 Teaspoons Parmesan cheese (approximate)
• Sprinkling of pepper and garlic & onion powders
• Light dashes of saltiness

I encourage you to go by taste when you whip this up (I didn’t do precise measuring). Mix in the ingredients gradually and sample the flavor as you go along to determine the precise tastiness that is right for you.

To get my Sour Cream & Onion inspired veggie dip I used all of the above, but added just a bit more onion powder for the right taste effect.

These recipes are very foundational, so go on and get wildly creative by adding herbs, for instance. Kefir can also be used in fruit smoothies and spreads, and as a thickening agent in soups and other creamy concoctions. The use of Kefir for homemade dressings and dips empowers us healthy peeps to eliminate the evil, unnecessary ingredients in store-bought versions. I encourage you to go Kefir-krazy in your holiday recipes and all year long.

I’m still a Kefir newbie, so if you’ve used it in any other kinda way, please don’t be stingy with your knowledge – tell us about it in the comments. And if you plan to try out Kefir now, share your bright ideas!

It’s barely 9am and the bacon slabs are cooking in the kitchen for the family. But does this mean I gotta eat them with my own breakfast?

Hell naw! The bacon slabs are going on my Reverse Food Journal. But what the heck is THAT?

I hereby authorize you to get a little greedy today. It’s Thanksgiving, after all. But using my Reserve Food Journal system will help you give yourself some credit (a little pat on the back, if you will) for NOT stuffing your stomachs to overfilled capacity. Log the foods you say “no” to and DON’T eat.

Try it today. Those bacon slabs are the first thing on my Reserve Food Journal list. I’d rather save my holiday calorie-fest for sweet potato pie slices.

Remember when I asked the question, “will green tea make my fatty parts melt?“? That’s when I told you about my kids’ chubby Pediatrician who is chubby no more. He credits green tea drinking for his weight loss.

And remember how I shared with you how I incorporate green tea drinking into my Shakeology 3-Day Cleanses with good success?

Welp, I’m not blogging live from the Pediatrician’s office and not currently on a Cleanse, but something interesting is still happening. I started drinking 1 cup of green tea per day since the cold weather is back again. I’m not doing anything else different. And I gotta tell you, that measly 1 cup-o green tea is making me go pee-pee more. Black tea does NOT have this same affect on me.

Turn outs green tea acts as a diuretic. Lots of people have experienced the same pee-peeing thing as me. Is this how green tea partly accomplishes its proclaimed weight loss wonders? Welp, maybe, I guess. Green tea can obviously be good for people who need to let go of excess water weight that no doubt skews the number on the scale.

But there’s more to the green tea weight loss story….

From University of Maryland Medical Center:

Clinical studies suggest that green tea extract may boost metabolism and help burn fat. One study confirmed that the combination of green tea and caffeine improved weight loss and maintenance in overweight and moderately obese individuals. Some researchers speculate that substances in green tea known as polyphenols, specifically the catechins, are responsible for the herb’s fat-burning effect… [full article]

When I hear phrases like “fat burning effect” I tend to get skeptical, but green tea is a natural substance we’re talking about here. Green tea is food for our bodies. And the right food at that! Foods such as this truly have the power to heal, restore and make whole. This is a plus for me since love green tea so much, but which brands I am drinking? There are two green teas I prefer and recommend.

The 1st tea I recommend is Twinings of London Mint Green Tea.

Many green teas can very bold and bitter, but Twinings’ is my everyday tea because it doesn’t have those traits. The mint blend makes this tea experience much flavorful and easy for your taste buds to enjoy. You should easily be able to find Twinings on any grocery store shelf, but if not, you can get it online right here. Just watch the labeling because Twinings also has a regular green tea, so snag the right package. Make sure it says “mint green tea”.

The 2nd tea I recommend is Sencha Organic Green Tea.

Sencha was difficult to find at a regular store. I didn’t find it there at all, actually. I had to drive a few towns over to one of those hippie organic stores to pick up my Sencha. I read good stuff about it online, so I just had to taste it for myself. Although it’s organic, its surprisingly cheap to buy. Sencha is a full flavor green tea (no mint mix), but it somehow accomplishes a smooth, light flavor with no strong bitterness. It’s perfect!

I’m obviously going continue with my green tea drinking for warmth and leisurely enjoyment, but now I’ll also be paying close attention to how green tea possibly ushers me into my fitness goals faster.

I sweeten my tea with Stevia in the Raw, which you can definitely get at the grocery store. It’s a natural, zero calorie sweetener (not a chemical) derived from the Stevia Rebaudiana plant. But please, don’t buy the Truvia brand of Stevia – it’s got extra stuff added into it.

One word of caution: Drinking green tea on an empty stomach makes my tummy hurt. This may not happen to you, but if it does, just know that you have to eat something first (problem solved). There’s a ton of health benefits to green tea, including cardiovascular health and cancer prevention. Green tea is even linked to flu prevention, so drink up!

Happy tea sloshing, baby.

Is it just me, or is the TV is trying to stuff the new KFC Cheesy Bacon Bowl commercial down our throats? I was in the kitchen cooking when I heard that dang commercial playing for the 1,567th time.

That’s when I realized I had all the ingredients on hand to make my own homemade knockoff of the Bacon Cheesy Bowl. I didn’t overthink it. I just grabbed stuff to throw the meal together really fast.

This is what I used:

• Veggie Patch Chick’n Cutlet (these are super good)
• Green Giant Niblets corn
• Mashed potatoes from scratch (made from Green Giant fresh russets).
• Leftover gravy from the On-Cor Salisbury Steak the family demanded I make.
• Store brand shredded cheddar cheese.
• Michael Myer’s Bacon (wait, is that right?)

I’ve never had a real KFC Cheesy Bacon Bowl (and absolutely never will) but I considered my homemade version something I could sink my tooth into since I’m the one controlling the ingredients and portions.

My KFC Cheesy Bacon Bowl Knockoff

Mashed potatoes and cheesiness is a great combo. When you throw in corn, gravy and quality fake chicken, it gets better. But it’s that damn bacon that really put this homemade knockoff over the edge.

As you can see from the pic, I barely used any bacon, but hot dang if that little bit of bacon didn’t make this meal a winner. The bowl I used was baby-ish in size, so this dish, with its small portions of potato-carbs and gravy-cheesiness, didn’t have the power to screw up my day of good health.

I had fun making this knockoff. Let’s maybe see what else I can do. Whacha think?

Could it be some creamy, sweet tasting vanilla frosting? Mmmmm. I could eat me summa that right now. Sure does look like vanilla frosting, doesn’t it?

But noooo. What you see there on my spoon is actually the cooled-off grease puddle that was leftover in the pan after cooking pork sausage links. Had I not drained the grease AND paper-toweled the sausage before feeding it to the Greedy Faamily, this grease glob would be infesting their bodies right now. But of course we know there’s no fool proof way to escape all the grease 100%. If you’re eating fatty foods, what you see pictured here is DEFINITELY getting into your body on some level.

Here’s the thing… so many people say “eh, just chew on some grass fed and organically-raised animals instead”. Well, yes. We do that. I buy all of my meats from the Amish people. But before you start feeling all connected to mother earth and natural and holistic because you eat organically-raised animals, know this: it does NOT make you exempt from the saturated fat trap.

Large grease globs of animal fat need to be dealt with in your diet. It does not matter if you got the meat from a local, organic farmer, or from a large industry producer that makes the animals lay in their own sh!t and fester with E-coli. Saturated fat is saturated fat.

Please, my dear friends. Go on and enjoy those sausages and bacons, but you gotta cut back on the fatty foods and do it only in moderation. If you don’t feel like taking my advice, perhaps you can start a pre-payment plan on your future gastric bypass & coronary artery combo-surgeries.