Congratulations. You worked hard to earn that un-fresh, stank feeling — those sweaty workouts that lead to temporary body odor. Do you mind if I take a few moments to describe you?
1. You smell like a muskrat’s ass breaded in recycled llama hairs, then fried over hot coals.
2. Your armpits are more foul than a half-gallon of fermented warthog juice.
3. You smell like wet laundry inside a washing machine that somebody forgot for a week.
4. Your body funk is more offensive than 10,000 bags of burnt microwave popcorn.
5. The post-workout ring around your bathtub has the odor of re-fried toe jam particles.
6. You smell like burnt enchiladas served on a wet dog’s back.
It’s take a special kind of person to achieve such an impressive level of fitness aroma. You ought to be damn proud. Keep up the good work.