har·lot /ˈhärlət/
A woman who boldly thrusts her body into frequent acts of fitness while in the comfort of her home. She does not earn an income for these feats, but imagines herself stuffing cash money into her bosom anyway. This is home gym harlotry at its finest.
THE HARLOT’S CONFESSIONS…
- Meh. The reality is, I don’t even have dedicated home gym space. I just have rooms… in my house…where gym-type gadgets are stuffed in corners.
- I do most of my dirty work before the sun comes up. This is good for avoiding the non-exercising peoples of the household who wanna stare at me while I workout and accuse me of not going hard enough.
- There is this thing called a man cave. It’s where the husband goes to hide from me and smoke cigars. I just might overrun that cave with my harlotry. I’d fill it with used commercial gym equipment to keep it frugal, and then flood the place with the armpit sweat of 10,000 burpees.
“Bitches like me be bustin’ into man caves and runnin’ shit.”
- My sports bras no longer have that infused fitness-funk odor. I solved that problem. But visible sweat in the crotch of my workouts shorts after a session of cardio intervals is pretty much this harlot’s ongoing nightmare.
- At one point the oldest greedy turned smart-ass and moved out to avoid obeying house rules. It was at that moment I began to convert her room into a gym. That is, until she called three weeks later begging with tears to come back home. My next-level home gym plans…ruined.
- I squat while cooking dinner, mountain climb while the child splashes in the tub, and can drop it like it’s hot right down into corpse pose. Finding time for such harlotry is the mark of a well-refined woman.
- My formerly-fancy foam roller now has many pencil-stab-holes in it. This harlot can’t have nothing nice while her pack of feral spawns still live at home. One child even destroyed the only bike I’ve ever owned. Is it now a pile of rust, rotting at the nearest landfill. As you have probably now concluded, the art of home gym harlotry is not always a walk in the park. Yet I’ve recently heard of the electric biking phenomenon (view electric bikes online). Perhaps this is the answer for a speedy getaway? I shall ride off into the sunset to do my harlotry in peace.
[end confessions]
Important Notice to All Women: I desire to increase the size of my bosom by filling it with more cash money. You can therefore unleash your inner harlot and rent me out as a Man-Cave Evictor, where applicable. The man-evacuee is gonna be pissed, but at least you’ll gain some extra square footage for yourself. Only $499 per eviction. Totally available for the job.
Hahahaha! So funny! My equipment is shoved into nooks and crannies too Otherwise, my kids would try to use my 8lb medicine ball to play foursquare in the back yard.
Barbara recently posted..So I Guess I’m An Addict….And You Probably Are Too
Not sure whether to laugh, or nod in agreement at all of it.
While the kids are home and the man has his cave, we have very little that is nice and nothing dedicated to just us (unless you want to count the kitchen, which i don’t, because it gets overrun regularly and is a work place).
If i ever have the money to spare, i may well hire you. His cave is small, but it could work.
LOL! I like to drop it like it’s hot in my living room. I have some free weights shoved in the corner (perfect living room decor, obvi) but otherwise I’m on the floor busting out some push ups. I enjoy hitting the gym… but sometimes that 5 minute drive is too much to endure
Amber @ Busy, Bold, Blessed recently posted..Keepin’ It Real
You are setting the bar very high for the rest of us!
misszippy recently posted..Pull back the curtain
LOL omg the sweat of 10k burpees?! I don’t have a man cave for you to evict, but I will give some referrals!!
Nellie recently posted..Weekly Wednesday Workout: Decline Pushup With Side Crunch
Yall need to quit being so fast trying takeover our rooms, lol. I still want my room in tact and I don’t even live there anymore.
Joi @ Rx Fitness Lady recently posted..HBCU’s YES OR NO
All the power to you! I love how you do what you can where ever and whenever you can get it done. You are a “no excuses” girl and I love it!
Dr. Haley Perlus recently posted..The Best Music To Workout To (Part 3)
I hear ya. Right now I’m lucky to have a gym at work where I work that my work lets me use for free, but I do still sometimes work out at home. Currently the bits of home stuff from the odd home workout is stashed inside my craft room. Which…I actually don’t mind (If I can keep it organized down there!) Nobody moves it and there’s no audience, other than the cats…
Geosomin recently posted..spider pushups are hard!
at work where i work…um yeah…need some coffee…
Geosomin recently posted..spider pushups are hard!
I just remembered-there’s a guy where I work who rides an electric bike to work…while smoking. No joke…cracks me up every time I see him.
Geosomin recently posted..spider pushups are hard!
Twitter: truth2beingfit
says:
You really are an inspiration Josie with all you do & 4 kids & work – you are amazing!
I am lucky I joined a gym so long ago that it is cheaper than cheap for me!
Jody – Fit at 55 recently posted..On a “Diet”? Read This…
Love it! We have the tinest bedroom ever converted to a workout/lounge room (because we have a couch we never got rid of), but right now it’s just a storage junk room while we organize the house this year room by room.
Oh hey, I hear that cleaning out my house is an AWESOME workout… wanna come over and do that?
Quix recently posted..From Zero to 26.2 miles in 18 months…
We have a perfectly good garage file to bursting with tools, tools, more tools, and a pool table. I desperately with for somewhere to put a treadmill- maybe we can work something out for a partial man-cave eviction? lol
Deb recently posted..Tuesday Day 501 Food Diary
If you figure out how to solve the crotch-sweat issue, be sure to let us know!
I know exactly what you mean about the workout before the family is up. I don’t like mine watching because they laugh. Yoga is not for the faint of heart if you are trying not to be the comic relief in the room. Bah. I just don’t need the ongoing commentary, y’know?
The pic’ is priceless. Made me laugh and I will be smiling for days to come. I promise to throw money your way when I visit as long as you make THAT face when I do. ::laughing::
Love you!
SkippyMom recently posted..Laugh And The World Laughs With You?
“•There is this thing called a man cave. It’s where the husband goes to hide from me and smoke cigars. I just might overrun that cave with my harlotry. I’d fill it with used commercial gym equipment to keep it frugal, and then flood the place with the armpit sweat of 10,000 burpees”
Woman Please! Not for a million dollars. I’ll tell you what I will bequeath the man cave and blankey to you when I am no longer on this earth…. Even then I will haunt you !!
Twitter: YumYucky
says:
Boo! This must be a spam comment. Only spam would talk real reckless like this.
When we were house-hunting, my main concern was where my gym would be! I don’t mind that it’s in a window-less room in the basement (there is a door), it’s my space to sweat!
Coco recently posted..Book Review: Bend Not Break By Ping Fu
Love the idea of evicting my Man from his man cave! It’s just the right size for my home gym…which right now is in a dark and gloomy corner of our basement. I’m so worth the $499, especially if you’ll mail him for me, too? Love your blog!!
Helen recently posted..Garcinia Cambogia HCA
Great blog, very funny. Our home gym is in our pub…my husband has a sense of humor!