Ya know how some bloggers do those “get to know me better” posts where they list a bunch of cool, interesting facts about themselves? Well, ummm, here’s my spin on that…
…get to know me better with my Timeline of Greediness…
1982: (age 9) Poured entire package of Swiss Miss Hot Chocolate powder down my throat… because it was tasty ‘n stuff.
1990: Ate 10-11 slices of pizza every Friday night. Suffered no indigestion or weight gain.
1995: Cereal Whoredom is activated.
1996: McDonald’s food poisoning.
2001: Gained first significant poundage (10 pounds) from eating Crunchy Cheetos every damn day after lunch.
2004: Regularly insisted on large slabs of prime rib and buttery Alaskan Snow Crabs for gnawing on. (it’s the price you pay for being knocked up pregnant)
2005: Taco Bell food poisoning.
2005-2007: Snacked daily on packaged junk food without apology. (although I do apologize to myself now)
2007: Achieved eating entire loaf of French bread smathered in buttery goodness. Also stole French bread from my children… because they weren’t gonna eat it anyways.
2008: Greedy Baby growing in the womb of life. The fetus-child successfully drains every ounce of food energy through the umbilical cord for her own consumption. Leaves me weak and mostly incapacitated. Yes, medical intervention was required.
2009-2010: Ate 4-5 slices of pizza every Friday, plus everyone else’s leftover pizza crust.
2010: Cake-Eating Video Stunt ends with dismal results. Disappointingly ate less cake than hoped for. Soooo sad. So.very.sad.
2011: Fed up with pizza binging; decided to put an end to it — a process that took 9-months to accomplish.
2011: Enjoyed a sensible, sweet ‘n tasty treat of Delectable Ghetto Honey Cakes.
Current: Selects only high quality tasty treats for planned greediness in moderation.
Random food items currently on my mind: Cake,
spinach, biscuits, more cake, pie, broccoli, fajitas.
Disclaimer: This timeline represents key scientific data that, when uploaded into a super-computer, would cause it to explode.