Ya know how some bloggers do those “get to know me better” posts where they list a bunch of cool, interesting facts about themselves? Well, ummm, here’s my spin on that…
…get to know me better with my Timeline of Greediness…
1982: (age 9) Poured entire package of Swiss Miss Hot Chocolate powder down my throat… because it was tasty ‘n stuff.
1990: Ate 10-11 slices of pizza every Friday night. Suffered no indigestion or weight gain.
1995: Cereal Whoredom is activated.
1996: McDonald’s food poisoning.
2001: Gained first significant poundage (10 pounds) from eating Crunchy Cheetos every damn day after lunch.
2004: Regularly insisted on large slabs of prime rib and buttery Alaskan Snow Crabs for gnawing on. (it’s the price you pay for being knocked up pregnant)
2005: Taco Bell food poisoning.
2005-2007: Snacked daily on packaged junk food without apology. (although I do apologize to myself now)
2007: Achieved eating entire loaf of French bread smathered in buttery goodness. Also stole French bread from my children… because they weren’t gonna eat it anyways.
2008: Greedy Baby growing in the womb of life. The fetus-child successfully drains every ounce of food energy through the umbilical cord for her own consumption. Leaves me weak and mostly incapacitated. Yes, medical intervention was required.
2009-2010: Ate 4-5 slices of pizza every Friday, plus everyone else’s leftover pizza crust.
2010: Cake-Eating Video Stunt ends with dismal results. Disappointingly ate less cake than hoped for. Soooo sad. So.very.sad.
2011: Fed up with pizza binging; decided to put an end to it — a process that took 9-months to accomplish.
2011: Enjoyed a sensible, sweet ‘n tasty treat of Delectable Ghetto Honey Cakes.
Current: Selects only high quality tasty treats for planned greediness in moderation.
Random food items currently on my mind: Cake, spinach, biscuits, more cake, pie, broccoli, fajitas.
Disclaimer: This timeline represents key scientific data that, when uploaded into a super-computer, would cause it to explode.
Love your evolution of your “greedy” life. Now I don’t feel so bad about mine.
m.
Great timeline! What is it about summertime that makes the worst carbs possible taste the absolute best??!?!
Barbara recently posted..Achieving Greatness In Public Education? The Mission Is Possible (Giveaway!)
Thanks for sharing your story, i’m glad it gets so good at the end!
‘Planned greediness in moderation’ – love it!
Hungry Jenny x
Hungry Jenny recently posted..Double Chocolate Cake Bars (butter free)
SCIENCE!!
Geosomin recently posted..My feet hurt form kicking ass
This is just so darned funny, Josie. I especially love the photo of you “smoking” a cigarillo and drinking a Coke. HILarious! Thanks for the great laugh today.
Portia recently posted..Calling on Readers of African-American Mom Blogs!
You are so hilarious and so greedy!
You sure are funny! Get on with it, girl! (I just wanted to say that – we were screaming it across the house at each other this morning, but there were only males for me to scream it to, and it didn’t sound the same.)
444 recently posted..First update of the third month of a very unusual summer
p.s. Can you pass some of those fries my way?
444 recently posted..Take o’ the day
Twitter: YumYucky
says:
sure. Would you like fresh fries, or the used fries in the pic?
Twitter: truth2beingfit
says:
Jody – Fit at 54 recently posted..In Loving Memory
This is seriously impressive stuff!!!! And I think you should swear off fast food for life. Food poisioning twice? Dang girl!
Twitter: YumYucky
says:
It’s been no more fast food for me for a long time now. That stuff is worse than garbage. Bah!
Twitter: dubagee
says:
My timeline is something like this but I started to eat A LOT healthier starting at age 15 and now… I am the cleanest eater on the face of the planet! My “cheats” are just large portions of fish! LOL!!! But I am glad to see that I wasn’t the only one eating 11 pieces of pizza in a sitting at one point and then an hour later eating 1/2 a pint of ice cream!
Gigi Eats Celebrities recently posted..Don’t Bother Mastering This Cleanse
I expected to see an extended period of eating nothing but Churros, it’s on my timeline; figured it’d be on everyone’s
Patrick recently posted..Think! Bearing
Nice share there!
I can’t imagine myself eating 10-11 slices of pizza. lol. 2 slices is actually enough to me! But I ate raw mangoes a lot I can consume up to 5 pieces of raw mangoes, (medium sized mangoes).
Shane Curtis recently posted..Timber Sliding Doors
Sounds familiar! I one ate an entire package of Oreos for dinner. Not sure how I survived that one! Still have pizza problems, tho.