…but before we get into this round of featured Food Trap selections, I first need to bitch to you excessively about the Attune Mint Chocolate Probiotic Bar. I drove 35 freaking miles round trip because the Attune store locator said the Bar was carried at this hippie-ish natural food store that’s real out of the way ‘n such. So I drive really far (on my lunch break, at that) and the store doesn’t have the damn Bars. Attune Chocolate is highly delicious and probiotically beneficial. I’ve been wanting another taste for close to a year now, but I’m done searching high and low, and racking up vehicle mileage in an expedition to find this elusive bionic chocolate bar. Yes, you can order it online, but you also have to pay a premium for heat-sensitive shipping. I’m too cheap for that. Oh, and somebody owes me gas money.
Zevia Ginger Ale Natural Soda: Lemme just break it down to you like it says on the can: “Zevia contains no sugar and no calories. It’s made with 100% natural ingredients, including Stevia, a botanical sweetener used around the world for hundreds of years. It’s what soda should always have been.” Nice! It also contains the sugar alcohol erythritol, which doesn’t effect blood sugar and is no big deal to me (unless you get gassy from it). Zevia is decent tasting. It reminds me of store brand ginger ale — not terrible but not the #1 best ginger ale either. I detected a slight aftertaste after slurping a few gulps, but still definitely worth trying if you can find it at the store. I also peeped Cola, Orange and Grape flavors of Zevia.
No caffeine, no gluten, zero net carbs. Zero calories and fat, Sodium 20mg, Sugars 0, Erythritol 7g, Protein 0g
Barbara’s Baked Cheese Puffs: It’s a cheese puff. How fancy could it be? Welp, the natural cheesiness really shines through. And it’s made with cornmeal, which gives it a pleasant texture and taste that’s NOT like the others. Consider it a healthier side item to eat alongside a sammich or while couch-assing. Barbara’s Baked Cheese Puffs have no artificial flavors, colors or preservatives, and no hydrogenated oils either, so it empowers you to get puffy with no guilt. Unfortunately, I allowed Greedy Kid #3 to run off with the bag after dinner. I trusted him. But by bed time the whole dang thing was empty. Yes, I’m a terrible mother for insufficiently monitoring the child’s greediness. Just go on and say it, why don’t ya.
150 Cal for 1.5 cups, Fat Cal 90, Total Fat 10g, Sodium 200mg, Carbs 14g, Fiber 1g, Sugars 1g, Protein 2g
Quaker Hearts Cereal: This one can be accurately described as “fake Alpha-Bit’s cereal for grown-ass folks and kids who eat too much damn sugary shit”. It has pretty much the same feel, size and visual texture of the infamous Alpha-Bit, but with a tad less sugar and shaped like little hearts instead of bits of broken off vocabulary pieces. The taste is highly Alpha-Bitsy with the perfect low-key touch of sweetness to encourage continued cereal whoredom to prevail. I freaking love it, but still not able to find Hearts Cereal consistently stocked at every store I lurk at. That’s a low down dirty shame.
110 Cal for 3/4 cup, Fat Cal 15, Total Fat 1.5g, Sodium 160mg, Carbs 23g, Fiber 3g, Sugars 6g, Protein 2g
Well that’s it for now, so go on and start chewing on something. I’m really liking this new Put It In Your Food Trap feature. Definitely more to come!