‘Tis might be better to indulge in fresh hang-nail shavings on the floor of this bathroom than to eat the Eggo Fruit Pizza. ‘Tis could be safer to invite this man into your car than to stomach the lousy Fruit Pizza.
When Eggo says “fruit”, they’re talking about chopped up particles that if you squished back together MAYBE equals the size of one lonely strawberry. Just one. And these strawberry residues are mooshy-gooshy-goo.
The “sauce” is a thin film of Neufchatel cheese that got scared and ran to one side of the pizza, because there was none on the other side. The crust resembles a thin pita consistency that does not match, blend or flow with the other putrid flavors. The granola is nothing more than oatmeal flakes. No clusters, just sweetened flakes.
All of this sensational, personal-sized fail-flare for only 400 calories and 66 grams of carbs? Why not buy it then?
Please make it stop. The Eggo Fruit Pizza is not only in your grocer’s freezer, it’s also served as an appetizer at the gates of hell and doubles as a cheap alternative to the stomach pump in the hospital emergency rooms around the country.
FRUIT PIZZA NOTES
- Price Paid: $2.49
- Serving Size: 1 Pizza
- Calories: 400
- Fat Calories: 110
- Total Fat: 12g
- Sodium: 390mg
- Carbs: 66g
- Fiber: 4g
- Sugars: 18g
- Protein: 10g
REACTIONS FROM THE TASTE TEST CREW
Health-Hater Husband: (laughing hysterically) Whoever made this did an epic fail.
Greedy Kid #2: Ain’t no way I’m eating that.
Greedy Baby: No! I want pizza.
Yum UP! to: The day this product gets pulled from store shelves.
Yuck Down to: The Eggo execs who decided this was a good idea.