The “Simply” line of edibles is spreading like a HAZMAT olive oil spill. So now I vote for it to go beyond those buttermilk biscuits and these Simply Fruit Roll-Ups to spread into other areas of my life. Like, Simply Gettin’ Big Money. And Simply Sleepin’ in Late.
Won’t they package that, please?
I’m damn near incapacitated from Greedy Baby biting my finger (complete with bloodshed). And I’m gonna sue. So I’ll be basic and only partially frivolous so I can get back to Tweeting my lawyer.
Simply Fruit Roll Ups are a refreshing breed of all things Rolled. That artificial bright red look is gone (it’s much darker) with its “more than 90% fruit juice and real fruit”. It’s strawberry-ish. It’s appley. But NOT as stretchy-rubbery as the original.
Go on and test drive it with your Foot Trap for a burst of fruitiness without the BS ingredients. I was glad when I found ’em, because Greedy Kid #3 keeps b!tching for more variety in his lunchbox. I wish somebody would pack ME a damn lunch.
- Price Paid: $2.89 for 10-pack
- Calories: 50
- Fat Calories: 5
- Total Fat: 0.5g
- Sodium: 20mg
- Carbs: 12g
- Fiber: less than 1g
- Protein: 0g
REACTIONS FROM THE TASTE TEST CREW
Health-hater Husband: Not too bad. It’s not bright red like the other kind.
Greedy Kid #1: I’d rather have the artificial kind I grew up on.
Greedy Kid #2: I can’t tell the difference.
Greedy Kid #3: It’s so good, I can’t stop eating it.
Yum UP! to: Settling lawsuits out of court. Greedy Baby better do the right thing.
Yuck Down to: Children who gnaw on their parents. I’m might lose an arm one day.