You read it right. It’s Yoga Bread from The Baker, and it’s the next best gimmick phenomenon since the invention of the tweezers for the removal of women’s chest hairs.

Yoga Bread will make you soar as you connect with your stomach chambers to achieve a sense of spiritual bread satisfaction. Proper breathing technique is required as you chew through each morsel infused with cranberries, pumpkin seeds, flax seed, sunflower, and poppy seeds. Do you feel it? ….mind-numbing exercise skill is necessary as you engage in the Hungry Hyena Pose and Downward Double-sliced Dogma…. achieve balance as you reach your inner wedgie (you’re gonna have one at this point) and pull out the healthiness of the whole wheat and rye flours. ((cue new-age music here))

Isn’t Yoga Bread fascinating?

So now that you’re all relaxed and limber and spiritually high-minded, I can tell you this bread is damn good, but don’t eat it dry. The whole flours and raw, seedy ingredients make it a hard loaf to swallow ‘lest you toast it with melted buttery goodness or deck it with fruity preserves. Peanut butter is not recommended, because it drowns out the symphony of flavors from this hearty list of ingredients:

Whole wheat flour, water, cranberries, whole rye flour, wheat gluten, cold pressed corn oil. yeast, cultured wheat flour, wheat bran, oat fiber, sea salt, pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds, millet, Flaxseed, sesame seeds, poppy seeds, barley malt, vinegar, natural enzyme.

…and these ingredients are NOT used sparingly. Each slice of Yoga Bread is riddled with berries and seeds like they were giving it out for free. But it’s nowhere near free. In fact, it’s pretty dang expensive, yet well worth the price.

YOGA NOTES

• Price Paid: $4.49 for 13 slices
• Calories: 110 per slice
• Fat Calories: 10
• Total Fat: 2g
• Sat. Fat: 0g
• Sodium: 210mg
• Carbs: 19g
• Fiber: 3g
• Sugars: 3g
• Protein: 4g

REACTIONS FROM THE TATE TEST CREW

Health-hater Husband: Nice and hearty.

Greedy Kid #1: Nope. Don’t look over here.

Greedy Kid #2: Why do you keep buying nasty bread?

Yum UP! to: The release of the inner wedgie.

Yuck Down to: Hungry Hyena Pose. I keep losing my balance.

View the complete Taste Test Directory and Fast Food Cheat Sheets.