“He deserves some hand claps. His pimp handle is strong…”
I won’t go into useless details, but let me tell you this…. I was stressed the FRACK out. It was mainly my four kids (who torment me) and being on the phone with bitch-azz customer service people that did it. But don’t forget about my raggedy nails and nappy-headed hair that needs fixing. So basically, I’m stressed and I look a hot mess.
Stress made me whimper and get all watery in the eyeballs and feel like I could rip somebody’s head off – all of those emotions swirled at the same time. My cup overfloweth with stress, so I need to filleth mine Food Trap with the flesh of a cow shaped into burger patties. And I’ll taketh fries with that. Amen.
Stress told me to go get some burgers, but on the way to the cafeteria, my pimp handle got strong as I allowed the voice of reason to permeate my watermelon skull. That other voice, you know the one – the little devil-bastard who sits on your shoulder with a laundry list of reasons you NEED and DESERVE the CRAP FOOD that makes YOUR ASS GROW. Because you’re SAD and BEEN DONE WRONG and you FEEL STOMPED ON. So the least you can do is self-medicate with greasy food and sweets, right?
Nope. Not if you activate the pimp slap, aka, listen to your inner stomach-voice of reason. Pay it some attention. Don’t ignore it. Don’t allow the stressors to drown it out.
My pimp handle grew stronger as I continued to listen to the voice of reason, until finally, I found myself gnawing on a delicious salad instead of cheeseburgers.
Kids are highly skilled at torment and bitch-azz customer service people will always be around, but your pimp slap can grow from to strength to strength. I hope your next ridiculous-absurd food temptation turns into a pimp-slapping victory. Go ahead, take a few swings right now for some practice… SLAP!
I need you to pump slap my stress-eating gene!
Oh, me too. Two kids and a sick old grandma and doctors’ offices and a dog and a cat and a husbandwhoIcan’treachwhenIneedhim and I am STRESSY!
Need to activate the pimp slap more often! Eating crap food just doubles the stress whammy.
Stress ordered me to make brownies earlier today.
I resisted. I used reason, and practicality. I failed. Boo.
Now, I know the real way to encounter the stinkin Turd. I shall pimp slap till my hand turns red next time. I feel bettah.
I am one hell of a stress eater and not so good when it comes to keeping that monster under wraps. I vow to practice my pimp slap from here on out!
I live by this: pimp-slapping victory. YES! Cute Josie!!!!!!!!!!!! You go & slap that craziness senseless and I DON’T mean the kids!
This is the best advice. THE BEST. I hope everyone who needs this advice gets to read it – awesome.
you teasing me, woman?
and you see that. my tormenting kid stuck her name in the name slot. No. I am not Brea.
ug i hate customer service phone people. (coming from someone who used to be one) they can be so rude.
@merri, that can definitely be true, but I’ve been lucky recently that customer service has actually been willfully giving me free stuff because of mistakes not even made by their company. Just luck I guess.
Definitely not good when you’re dizzy and unable to think the next day.
Anyway, I have a friend that used to call me Frack all the time and I don’t think she knew what it meant.
I can’t stress eat myself. I get so sick to my stomach I actually don’t eat at all. If I get into a stupid fight with my lover I spend the day sulking unable to move let alone eat. I would try to go force myself to eat, but I would always come back from the kitchen empty handed.
OMG I know how you feel about stress eating. I was in the same boat today…I had to calm myself down before I inhaled way too much food. I had to tell myself that food isn’t going to solve anything but causing me anger since I don’t want to overeat or binge.
How I do love you. You are the GREATEST.
I love you back, Foodie!
seriously hilarious.
Im with FOODIE.
Pimp it out! Now you that you’ve pimped food you need to get 24″ rims for that monster truck of yours!
Foodie is right, you are awesome. Anyone who can use pimp that many times in a healthy living blog is my hero.
That customer service person was her name sonja? are you trying to fix a blue ray? We shall team up on her, muhahaha
I love that! Pimp slap baby!
I stress eat carrots. If I ever feel that “I wanna eat a bunch of food because my head sez so” I grab a 2lb bag of baby carrots. Worst case, I chow through half the bag, ingest about 150 calories, and feel so damn full I can’t be buggered to munch anything else (and get a bunch of veggies in).
I needed this pimp-hand lesson yesterday.
But I shall keep it in mind for the future.
Way to pimp slap! Next time I’m about to stress eat I’m gonna think of this post and try to pimp-slap the temptation.
Oh stress eating… lets not go there! I empty my fridge when the stress comes on! Great tips
ug what is it about life in the call center that makes u hear voices saying “u deserve chocolate and fried things” at the end of the day! thanks for a fun article
If this were a video game, your pimp hand would have just leveled up. High five!
Nice!
I’m a bored eater myself. Can you pimp slap that?
hahaha, nice pimp slap to the urge for a cheeseburger! I need some work on my food pimp slap myself.
You whip that stress eating into shape!
Lately it hasn’t been stress eating so much as oh-my-goodness-this-tastes-so-good-I-want-more-please eating that’s doing it to me. I’ll start with the pimp-slapping to deal with it.