Fitness Romance Saga
How to Pimp-Slap Stress Eating
August 19th, 2010 • 26 Comments | Leave a Comment »
“He deserves some hand claps. His pimp handle is strong…”
I won’t go into useless details, but let me tell you this…. I was stressed the FRACK out. It was mainly my four kids (who torment me) and being on the phone with bitch-azz customer service people that did it. But don’t forget about my raggedy nails and nappy-headed hair that needs fixing. So basically, I’m stressed and I look a hot mess.
Stress made me whimper and get all watery in the eyeballs and feel like I could rip somebody’s head off – all of those emotions swirled at the same time. My cup overfloweth with stress, so I need to filleth mine Food Trap with the flesh of a cow shaped into burger patties. And I’ll taketh fries with that. Amen.
Stress told me to go get some burgers, but on the way to the cafeteria, my pimp handle got strong as I allowed the voice of reason to permeate my watermelon skull. That other voice, you know the one – the little devil-bastard who sits on your shoulder with a laundry list of reasons you NEED and DESERVE the CRAP FOOD that makes YOUR ASS GROW. Because you’re SAD and BEEN DONE WRONG and you FEEL STOMPED ON. So the least you can do is self-medicate with greasy food and sweets, right?
Nope. Not if you activate the pimp slap, aka, listen to your inner stomach-voice of reason. Pay it some attention. Don’t ignore it. Don’t allow the stressors to drown it out.
My pimp handle grew stronger as I continued to listen to the voice of reason, until finally, I found myself gnawing on a delicious salad instead of cheeseburgers.
Kids are highly skilled at torment and bitch-azz customer service people will always be around, but your pimp slap can grow from to strength to strength. I hope your next ridiculous-absurd food temptation turns into a pimp-slapping victory. Go ahead, take a few swings right now for some practice… SLAP!
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Jessica @ How Sweet August 19th, 2010 at 16:07
I need you to pump slap my stress-eating gene!
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SoHelpMeKath August 19th, 2010 at 17:01
Oh, me too. Two kids and a sick old grandma and doctors’ offices and a dog and a cat and a husbandwhoIcan’treachwhenIneedhim and I am STRESSY!
Need to activate the pimp slap more often! Eating crap food just doubles the stress whammy.
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JourneyBeyondSurvival August 19th, 2010 at 17:03
Stress ordered me to make brownies earlier today.
I resisted. I used reason, and practicality. I failed. Boo.
Now, I know the real way to encounter the stinkin Turd. I shall pimp slap till my hand turns red next time. I feel bettah.
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Tweets that mention How to Pimp-Slap Stress Eating | Yum Yucky -- Topsy.com August 19th, 2010 at 17:11
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Josie YumYucky, Susan Sommers, Renee Ludwigs, Real Bodybuilders, Dieting is Hard and others. Dieting is Hard said: How to Pimp-Slap Stress Eating http://bit.ly/cFC0ru Please RT [...]
Theresa @ActiveEggplant August 19th, 2010 at 17:27
I am one hell of a stress eater and not so good when it comes to keeping that monster under wraps. I vow to practice my pimp slap from here on out!
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Jody - Fit at 52 August 19th, 2010 at 17:41
I live by this: pimp-slapping victory. YES! Cute Josie!!!!!!!!!!!! You go & slap that craziness senseless and I DON’T mean the kids!
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skippymom August 19th, 2010 at 18:40
This is the best advice. THE BEST. I hope everyone who needs this advice gets to read it – awesome.
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Brea Reply:
August 19th, 2010 at 7:33 pm
you teasing me, woman?
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Josie Reply:
August 19th, 2010 at 7:36 pm
and you see that. my tormenting kid stuck her name in the name slot. No. I am not Brea.
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merri August 19th, 2010 at 19:30
ug i hate customer service phone people. (coming from someone who used to be one) they can be so rude.
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Fran Reply:
August 20th, 2010 at 7:08 am
@merri, that can definitely be true, but I’ve been lucky recently that customer service has actually been willfully giving me free stuff because of mistakes not even made by their company. Just luck I guess.
Definitely not good when you’re dizzy and unable to think the next day.
Anyway, I have a friend that used to call me Frack all the time and I don’t think she knew what it meant.
I can’t stress eat myself. I get so sick to my stomach I actually don’t eat at all. If I get into a stupid fight with my lover I spend the day sulking unable to move let alone eat. I would try to go force myself to eat, but I would always come back from the kitchen empty handed.
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amanda August 19th, 2010 at 20:05
OMG I know how you feel about stress eating. I was in the same boat today…I had to calm myself down before I inhaled way too much food. I had to tell myself that food isn’t going to solve anything but causing me anger since I don’t want to overeat or binge.
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Foodie McBody August 20th, 2010 at 1:28
How I do love you. You are the GREATEST.
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Josie Reply:
August 20th, 2010 at 12:46 pm
I love you back, Foodie!
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Miz August 20th, 2010 at 6:12
seriously hilarious.
Im with FOODIE.
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Erin August 20th, 2010 at 9:24
Pimp it out! Now you that you’ve pimped food you need to get 24″ rims for that monster truck of yours!
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Rita @ The Giggly Bits August 20th, 2010 at 12:38
Foodie is right, you are awesome. Anyone who can use pimp that many times in a healthy living blog is my hero.
That customer service person was her name sonja? are you trying to fix a blue ray? We shall team up on her, muhahaha
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Quix August 20th, 2010 at 13:12
I love that! Pimp slap baby!
I stress eat carrots. If I ever feel that “I wanna eat a bunch of food because my head sez so” I grab a 2lb bag of baby carrots. Worst case, I chow through half the bag, ingest about 150 calories, and feel so damn full I can’t be buggered to munch anything else (and get a bunch of veggies in).
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Christine August 20th, 2010 at 13:12
I needed this pimp-hand lesson yesterday.
But I shall keep it in mind for the future.
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Juliet August 20th, 2010 at 23:48
Way to pimp slap! Next time I’m about to stress eat I’m gonna think of this post and try to pimp-slap the temptation.
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SheFit August 21st, 2010 at 13:44
Oh stress eating… lets not go there! I empty my fridge when the stress comes on! Great tips
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Carla L August 22nd, 2010 at 2:14
ug what is it about life in the call center that makes u hear voices saying “u deserve chocolate and fried things” at the end of the day! thanks for a fun article
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Rog Law August 22nd, 2010 at 8:02
If this were a video game, your pimp hand would have just leveled up. High five!
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Joe August 22nd, 2010 at 14:20
Nice!
I’m a bored eater myself. Can you pimp slap that?
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steena August 22nd, 2010 at 21:16
hahaha, nice pimp slap to the urge for a cheeseburger! I need some work on my food pimp slap myself.
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Sagan August 22nd, 2010 at 23:38
You whip that stress eating into shape!
Lately it hasn’t been stress eating so much as oh-my-goodness-this-tastes-so-good-I-want-more-please eating that’s doing it to me. I’ll start with the pimp-slapping to deal with it.
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