Why are Kim and Scott smiling happy on the box? Their Pizza Stuffed Pretzels are a frackin’ disaster. Kimmie should be hissing with fear and I hope Scottie Boy didn’t quit his day job (but woe to him if he already cussed out his boss and resigned).
If this pretzel were a toe it would have rancid toe jam fumes with symptoms of black gangrene. It’s a bad deal, people. It seems like a cool idea at first, but once you cook it up you know damn well it’s a hot mess.
“But Josie, it’s got whole grains and it’s all natural.”
Well ya, my three chin whiskers are all natural, too, but that doesn’t mean I keep them around.
Pizza Pretzels are normal soft pretzel size and stuffed with “real mozzarella”. But it’s the REAL cheap-tasting kind. Fresh out of the microwave the outer pretzel is lawsuit-hot. You might burn the hell outta your hands and require a cash settlement. But take a bite inside and it’s cold. Frozen. A block of unmelted cheese. How does this happen?
This food was inedible so I banished it to the landfill. I wanted to stab up the box up real good, too. I started to do that. You see it?
- Price Paid: $4.59 for box of 4 (I got ripped off)
- Calories: 280 per pretzel
- Fat Calories: 35
- Total Fat: 4g
- Sat Fat: 1.5g
- Sodium: 280 mg
- Carbs: 48g
- Fiber: 3g
- Sugars: 3g
- Protein: 11g
REACTIONS FROM THE TASTE TEST CREW
Health-hater Husband: It tastes cheap and processed.
Greedy Kid #3 & Greedy Baby are wrestling right now. They are not hungry.
YUM UP! to: The tweezers that pluck out my chin whiskers.
YUCK Down to: Kimmie and Scottie’s next recipe invention. I am not interested.