I want to scrub my tongue with the needles of a porcupine. I want to uproot my taste buds with the shards of a backhoe. I want to drink leftover water from a pedicure tub with the toe jam of Muhammad Ali floating inside. Because anything, my dear friends, tastes better than Hint Water. It is indeed…a fiasco.
The aftertaste lingers and refuses to go away. Like a smelly old fart from the butt cheeks of a man, it just won’t quit.
So lets back it up to when I first gulped Hint down. The light touch of fruit flavoring smells and tastes offensively artificial, but the water itself is the biggest problem of all. It is stale and lifeless, as if it was left out overnight, or two nights….or ten.
I’ve had the unfortunate opportunity of drinking Greedy Baby’s backwash, but I tell ya, it was MUCH better than Hint Water. I don’t care if it has zero calories, no sweeteners, and no preservatives. My taste buds have been traumatized.
Hint is NOT recommended.
- Price Paid: Free from Hint’s PR rep
- Calories: 0
- Fat: 0g
- Sodium: 0mg
- Carbs: 0g
- Protein: 0g
REACTIONS FROM THE TASTE TEST CREW
Health-hater Husband: Oh, hell no! This is disgusting. All of them!
Greedy Kid #1: It’s like water that’s been sitting out. How can you mess up water?
Greedy Kid #1’s Friend: It tastes like old water from a dirty cup.
Greedy Kid #2: Disgusting!!! Whoever came up with this sucks.
Greedy Kid #3: Mom! I love this stuff! <—huh?
Yum UP! to: Man farts.
Yuck Down to: Greedy Kid #3. What the hell is his problem?