I’m keeping The Crumb Snatcher as a regular feature. Now you can stay up to date on all the stupid stuff going on in my life.

Funk Fumes & Dog Shit

I usually don’t use real curse words ’round here, but “shitty” is the only true way to describe it.  Health-hater Husband and Greedy Kid #2 were playing basketball in the driveway. Next think you know, my kid has shit on his hands and husband has it all over his clothes.

How it Happened

After detecting some funk fumes around the hoop, Husband started pointing fingers at the Greedy Kid. Upon further investigation they discovered their basketball had previously rolled into a pile of shit. We don’t own a dog, but I’m hoping it indeed was dog shit rather than (maybe) the mailman dumping in our backyard.

They apparently played for a while, passing the ball and making baskets, before noticing they were covered in shit cakes.

Greedy Kid made a beeline for the kitchen sink to try and clean up, but after a few choice phrases, like  “W hat the hell is your problem, you can’t clean that shit in my kitchen sink!” , I banished him to the basement sink to get the shit off. Husband was last seen grumpy as shit. What else is new.

Stranded in Snow (kinda)

This was an abrupt reminder that fitness is NOT just about looking sexy-good. Had I not been in some type of physically-fit shape, I would have been screwed.

What Happened?

Health-hater Husband accidentally took my cars keys to work with him. But instead of yelling with demands he leave work to bring me my keys, I decided to trek in the snow. Almost a 1/2 mile. With the kids in tow. To deliver them to daycare and catch a bus.

I carried the 25-pound, squirming Greedy Baby. I had my purse. I had a really heavy bag, and Greedy Kid #3, of course.

The wind was blowing and it was snowing really hard. We had to dang near hike in the middle of the road because the sidewalks were not cleared from the previous storm. AND I did all of this in power-walk fashion because I had to catch the bus.

By the time I reached my destination I was sweating in my coat and my hair was all jacked up. But it wasn’t as bad as this.

So this is the very first time that my physical fitness came in handy for an emergency-type situation. It took a lot of strength and stamina to lug the Greedy Kids in the snow. No way I could do that with my former, extra poundage from couch-azz-ing too much and eating whatever. Congratulations to me.

That is your Crumb Snatcher report. Until next time, this is the Yum Yucky. Have a great weekend.

[photo credit]