Yum Yucky

Tasting! Quaker Oatmeal Pancake Mix

Well, uh, okay. It's made with oat & whole wheat flour. It's got 4 grams of fiber and 5 grams of protein. And you're supposed to use egg whites instead of the yellow part. But if a box of "healthy " tastes like pure nastiness, I'm gonna go postal.

Quaker Oatmeal Pancake Mix encourages deadbeat food choice-ers to eat better, but anyone with half a taste bud will at least demand some flavor. The appearance of the mix is proof of it's whole grain prowess. It's brown and smells whole-grainy.

But, oh damn. It's uber-bland.

I could smather the pancakes in butter. I could drown them in syrup flavor. I could squeeze my nostrils shut so I don't taste the ick (does that really work?), but I refuse to eat like that.

Never mind that Greedy Kid #3 and #4 inhaled it all up. Their infantile taste buds can't tell one pancake mix from another. But at least there's hope for hungry little spawns who don't eat right. Maybe you'll feed your favorite kid some Quaker Oatmeal Pancakes? They might not be smart enough to complain. No offense.  

Oatmeal Pancake Notes

• Price Paid: $2.39 for 32 ounce box
• Serving Size: 1/3 cup mix (two, four-inch pancakes)
• Calories: 220 as prepared with egg whites
• Fat Calories: 20
• Total Fat: 2g
• Sodium: 360mg
• Carbs: 31g
• Fiber: 4g
• Sugars: 4g
• Protein: 5g

Reactions from the Taste Test Crew

Health-hater Husband: The mix looks disgusting. Don't make me any.

Greedy Kid #1: It's tastes like nothing. And "nothing" tastes nasty.

Greedy Kid #3: Yup. I like it.

Greedy Kid #4: <----she ate it all.

Yum UP! to: Butter smathering. I only do that with bread loaves.

Yuck Down to: My picture of the Pancake box. It's blurry and sucks wind.

View the complete Taste Test Directory and Fast Food Cheat Sheets.

I'm So Tired of This Crap! (the recipe)

You heard me right. I'm tired of this crap! I keep screwing up the food; just like those black 'n crispy Dino Nuggets I made last week. 

In case you haven't heard, I hate to cook. I hate it with a passion. I hate it real good, like when my crappy neighbor decided to wake me up, running his loud azz snow blower at 3 a.m. in the middle of the blizzard. I hated that too.

I worked real hard on those fries. I peeled the sweet potatoes with care and cut them up in perfect slices. I even used sea salt.

But behold the end result. It came complete with smoke detector shrieking and husband yelling, "what the hell is going on here!"

I apologize to my family. I just want to eat the food. I don't like to cook it.

But just in case you're wondering, I ate some of the fries anyway. Never mind the health benefits of sweet potatoes. My cooking FAIL was 90% nasty with homemade charred flavoring.

I'm-So-Tired-of-This-Crap Sweet Potato Fries Recipe
---->(non-burnt version)

• Peel 1-2 sweet potatoes per person (depending on how greedy they are).
• Rinse, then slice into french fry shape.
• Lightly drizzle with olive oil.
• Throw fries on shallow baking pan and sprinkle with sea salt.
• Bake at 425 degrees for 20-30 minutes, flipping half-way through cook time. But don't be a blockhead - use a timer.   
• While they cook, pick up any stray slices that fell on the floor. Rinse off and eat.

Excuse me if the recipe instructions are not real professional 'n stuff. This is how I do it. Minus the burnt part.

Snowtopia Rule #235

"The Snowtopia Rulebook states you must sit comfy-cozy
on your azz all day and not do nothin' productive."

What do YOU do when you're snowed-in? (like Josie is right now)

If you're lounging o'round, go check out my guest post at You On a Diet.

[photo credit]

Tasting! Green Giant Immunity Blend

I'm feigning for the Giant 'cause he showed me his veggies. Then it got hot 'n steamy....and I indulged.

But can you blame me? This stuff is good!

Green Giant's Immunity Blend is not some boring veggie pack. His easy steam-in-the-bag concoction of broccoli florets, julienne carrots, and red & yellow sweet pepper strips in a garlic-herb infused extra virgin olive oil seasoning tastes like I just cooked it fresh.

But I don't wanna cook! I don't wanna be wasting my time chopping vegetables when I could be playing online Scrabble. Steam-in-the-bag requires barely any effort to enjoy a delicious plate of veggies that I could never make taste this good anyhow.

No more prepping veggies for work. Just throw the bag in the microwave for 4 minutes during your break. The herb-infused olive oil seasoning is what sets it apart. It's dang near buttery delicious with visible herbs that make it a high-quality dish.

You'll be begging for more of the Giant. 

Hot 'n Steamy Notes

• Price Paid: $5.99 for box of 6 packages @ BJ's <--good deal
• Serving Size: 2/3 cup prepared
• Servings per Container: 2 (one steam package)
• Calories per Serving: 50
• Fat Calories: 25
• Total Fat: 3g
• Sat. Fat: 0g
• Cholesterol: 0g
• Sodium: 115mg
• Carbs: 7g
• Fiber: 2g
• Sugars: 3g
• Protein: 1g

Yum UP! to: Playing online Scrabble instead of slaving in the kitchen.

Yuck Down to: Getting my azz whomped in Scrabble.<---I don't wanna talk about it.

View the complete Taste Test Directory and Fast Food Cheat Sheets.

Confessions of a Compulsive Eater

Has your love of food ever turned sour like it did for Confessions of a Compulsive Eater? Today she has the Yum Yucky guest post stage as she takes you through her compulsive eating journey -- where she was, where she is now, sharing some of her struggles, and how they’ve improved.

(please comment and share your thoughts....)

My Journey through Compulsive Eating

My journey began when I was about 8 or 9 when something in my head had me thinking that I wasn’t getting enough nurturing from my parents, so I turned to food to give myself comfort.  My mom would go to the market, buy junk for the family to enjoy, and then hide it from me.  I would scour the house looking for it, but could never find it.  I was not overweight, was always playing sports, but she knew that I would never just eat my “fair share” of snacks, and that I would not leave enough for the rest of the family to enjoy. 

My mom’s message to me (which of course I didn’t understand until 30 years later in therapy when I was trying to get to the heart of my eating issues) was that I was not to be trusted around food. At around that time, when no one was home, I began my ritual of going around the corner to the market, buy bags of junk food, eat it all, then stuff it back into the market bag and bury it in the trash so no one would see what I ate.

Stupid Diet Tip #845

Not all man-eating zombies are created equal.
Some are specially trained to only chew off the fatty part.

Order your fat-chewing zombie today. 

[photo credit]

Tasting! Wheatables Nut Crisps

If I was real cheap I'd make these at home by myself. The instructions? Smash some almonds with a hammer, glue the beaten bits onto a tasty cracker, then chew. <---please don't do that in real life.

So you're getting the visual, right? Wheatables Nut Crisps are stoned-ground wheat crackers with a chunk-nutty infusion of nice sized almonds bits. The cracker is pretty dang good all by itself. It has the perfect touch of salt and a nice crunchy-crunch, but the roasted almonds bring it on home.

Too bad it's a tease.

I want MORE infusion! MORE almonds! MORE nutty flavor! Either I'm being greedy or it could really use a tad more nuts? The strength of almond flavor is not consistent from cracker to cracker. Sometimes a bit faint; sometimes just right. 

But behold. Nut Crisps are still flavor-dangerous because they encourage chain eating; sorta like chain smoking, except it's non-stop food eating. Despite my insatiable demands for more nuts, I like these lots.

Wheatables Nut Crisps are definitely worth trying.

Nut Crisps Notes

• Price Paid: $3.49
• Serving Size: 16 crackers
• Calories Per Servings: 140
• Fat Calories: 60
• Total Fat: 6g
• Sodium: 230mg
• Carbs: 20g
• Fiber: 1g
• Sugars: 4g
• Protein: 3g

Reactions from the Taste Test Crew

Health-hater Husband: It's alright. I can taste the almonds, but it's nothing special. 

Greedy Kid #2: Yeah, it's good. The almonds in the cracker are a good idea.

Greedy Kid #3: I don't want it 'cause I just ate grapes.

Yum UP! to: MORE nutty flavor. Please?

Yuck Down to: Chain smoking glue eaters.

View the complete Taste Test Directory and Fast Food Cheat Sheets.

Return of the Talking Stomach

As if the stomach's revenge was not enough?  Yum Yucky could not stop it's brutal return. It twisted my arm and demanded an audience. I apologize for the inconvenience.....

Another letter from The Stomach

Dear _______ (insert your name here)

Don't you want us to grow big together? I'm offering you the deal of a lifetime. What the hell is your problem?

Please feed me fiber-less foods and empty calorie sensations, and we can still say healthy with a doctor's prescription. Isn't it easier this way?

This is my proposal:

Maintain your cholesterol with Lipitor instead of boring whole grains. Stay regular with Metamucil instead of high fiber foods. Get super-charged with sugary snacks instead of complex carbs and protein. No need to exercise and eat right. Yes?

Quit making this difficult, dammit! Eat like a real American. Mostly everybody's doing it. 

I heart you very much and I want what's laziest best for us.

Love,

The Stomach

[photo credit]

Lazy and Greedy Don't Mix

Oh crap. I messed up. I'm 85% healthy and 15% not. That's a pretty good ratio. But tonight? My 15% side broke free from it's cage and it's hungry like the wolf.

The Lazy Part

It's been that kinda week. I spent about $200 on groceries and STILL had nothing to cook. Huh?

So that means take-out. Pizza night. Chinese night. And then Italian Sub night. This lazy take-out fest cost almost $90 to fund (remember, were a family of six). Laziness has it's price. I could have used some of that cash to bribe the kids to rub my feet. But instead? My feet hurt and the money is gone.

Truth is, I suck at grocery shopping. And I HATE TO COOK! Greedy Kid #3 wanted cereal all week, so I let him have it. I just lost 10 points for mothering skills.

The Greedy Part

So tonight was Italian Sub night. Last time I did this it invoked gastrointestinal fears. But here we go again, and after I promised myself to NOT go there. A sub is too heavy on my stomach. I know this. So why am I doing it?

I start to chomp, and it usually continues until I'm way past full and smothered in regrets, complete with belching and the release of other unauthorized emissions.

But it went different this time.

A few bites in, my common sense kicked into overdrive. Not because it yelled louder. I simply listened this time. So I picked those preservative-filled meat-slices off the bread and converted my sub into a cheese & veggie special.

This is what I learned tonight: just because you start out greedy doesn't mean you have to finish greedy. There's always an opportunity to change course. Tonight, I took that opportunity.

And if you're waiting for me to talk about that Ben & Jerry's ice cream, you'll have to keep on waiting. I put it back in the freezer. Untouched.

Is it time for YOU to change course?

Tasting! Stonyfield Yo Kids Yogurt

My kids won't leave me 'lone. They half-azz on their chores and pick my pockets like professionals. I am victimized and traumatized. And now I've gone allergic.

Symptoms of "I'm allergic to my kids" include:

eye rolling, dizziness, hives, headache, voice yelling, confusion, itching, cussing, whining, nail biting, hyperventilating, teeth clenching......

Despite this wicked allergy I remain faithful to the brood. I could say "screw it!" and feed them that yogurt with the rainbow artificial-ness, but my love for these brats compels me to buy them Stonyfield Yo Kids Yogurt instead.

It's low fat. It's organic. It's got 25% less sugar than the other kind. I'm gonna eat it too.

The taste of less sugar is apparent, but in a refreshing kind of way; the flavoring is more natural, not overpowered with artificial-ness. If your kid is addicted to the rainbow stuff they may require weaning. If they're new to yogurt, feed them Stonyfield Yo Kids right from the start.

Flavor varieties include Strawberry Vanilla & Raspberry OR Banilla (with a B) & Raspberry. You can also buy the squeezer tubes.      

P.S. There are NO cartoon characters on the package. So don't freak out.

Yo Kids Notes

• Price Paid: $3.49 for 6-pack
• Serving Size: One 4-ounce container
• Calories: 80
• Fat Calories: 10
• Total Fat: 1g
• Sat. Fat: 0.5
• Sodium: 70mg
• Carbs: 13g
• Fiber: 0g
• Sugars: 13g
• Protein: 5g

Reactions from the Taste Test Crew

Health-hater Husband: Yeah. It's decent. Greedy Kid #1 is insane.

Greedy Kid #1: NO way. I want mine with High Fructose Corn Syrup in it.

Greedy Kid #2: It's organic? The taste isn't real strong.

Greedy Baby:<---she eats it every day.  

Yum UP! to: Voice yelling and cussing. Sometimes I just need to vent.

Yuck Down to: Greedy kids who prefer High Fructose Corny-ness.

View the complete Taste Test Directory and Fast Food Cheat Sheets.