Josie’s List of Workplace Emergency Survival Cache Items

An emergency survival cache at work is important. We talk a lot about fitness here, but a small cache of emergency items is important to your health. It can literally mean life or death. At the very minimum it assures you greater comfort when faced with non-ideal circumstances brought on by an emergency.

We’ve all got at least a few emergency items at home, but what if somethings happen when you’re out of the house? Let’s take a looksie at a scenario involving Susie and Harold. Which one will fare better when disaster strikes? We’ll also be looking at the items I keep in my own emergency cache…

THE SCENARIO:

Susie is an accountant. She squats, deadlift and runs marathons. Susie loves organic food and never says curse words. She also uses moist towelettes to wipe her butt. So ya, she’s pretty much a perfect human.

Harold is a carpet installer. When he gets off work, he don’t do shit. He always eats 3 donuts for breakfast and watches Girls ‘Gone Cray-Cray when his wife is out the house. It is questionable as to when Harold last showered.

Both Susie and Harold were at their jobs when a widespread meteor shower hit (or insert your favorite disaster here). It knocked out power, destroyed cars, leveled homes, released the Kraken from the deep, and created other forms of chaos. There is no going in or out of the city. There is no clean water flowing through the plumbing system and toilets are beginning to back up. Everyone has been advised to shelter in place right where they are.

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Bison Meat Sticks

It sounds like something straight out of the food porn industry.

bison meat stick  Bison Meat Sticks

The Bison Meat Stick. Did you know there was such a thang? These were at the beer tasting event me and the hubs went to last night: taste 12 beers, exploring old & new world varieties.

I hate beer. It’s disgusting. I only went for my hubs. By the 3rd beer sample my stomach was burning as if I ingested acid mixed with bleach water, so I decided to hit up the snack table with pretzels, cheeses and bison meat sticks.

The beer in my glass looks like wolf piss. Pretty much tasted like it, too.

bison meat Bison Meat Sticks

If you’ve never had Bison meat before, you gotta do it. It’s expensive but will hurl you into a gourmet eating experience. Bison meat is much leaner than cow and tastes soooo much better. If you typically like your meat medium well, have it cooked medium instead. Since bison meat is so lean, it can easily dry out if cooked too long.

…and since I’m a total geek squad member, after the beer tasting I stopped a Barnes & Noble to buy a large cupcake (yesss) and pick up a book.

directory of knots Bison Meat Sticks

I know. Weird, right? It’s the Directory of Knots: A Step-by-Step Guide to Tying Knots Bison Meat Sticks. I’m expanding my horizons, trying something different and learning new skills. There are more than 100 different knots to learn in this book. I’m gonna be one knot-tying, bad ass beyotch.

My ultimate goal is hunt down a Sasquatch of the Southern Canadian region and tie him up using fancy knots skills. I’ll snap a pic as proof of his existence, then share a bison stick with him before unleashing the beast back into the forest.

This plan is foolproof.

…and just in you case you were wondering, yes, I do plan on buying a new fanny pack today. Be jealous.

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6 Things That Describe Your Post-Workout Fitness Aroma

Congratulations. You worked hard to earn that un-fresh, stank feeling — those sweaty workouts that lead to temporary body odor. Do you mind if I take a few moments to describe you?

armpit odor 6 Things That Describe Your Post Workout Fitness Aroma

1.  You smell like a muskrat’s ass breaded in recycled llama hairs, then fried over hot coals.

2. Your armpits are more foul than a half-gallon of fermented warthog juice.

3. You smell like wet laundry inside a washing machine that somebody forgot for a week.

4. Your body funk is more offensive than 10,000 bags of burnt microwave popcorn.

5. The post-workout ring around your bathtub has the odor of re-fried toe jam particles.

6. You smell like burnt enchiladas served on a wet dog’s back.

It’s take a special kind of person to achieve such an impressive level of fitness aroma. You ought to be damn proud. Keep up the good work.

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Greedy Recipe! Easy Cherry Turnovers

Is today the appointed day for a teensy bit of greedy? You could be gnawing on Easy Cherry Turnovers in mere minutes…

cherry turnovers Greedy Recipe! Easy Cherry Turnovers

Back in the day when we used to eat fast food, the hubs would always order a turnover from Arby’s. But alas! Now we can have them homemade. Easy Cherry Turnovers is fantastical for the occasional greedy snacking or when you want to impress hungry house guests without slaving too long in the kitchen.

GATHER YOUR INGREDIENTS

Adapted from TasteofHome.com. Serves 4. Double the recipe for extra-greediness.
  • 1 cup cherry pie filling
  • 1 tube refrigerated Crescent rolls
  • 1/4 cup confectioner’s sugar
  • 1 teaspoon milk
  • tiny dash of lemon juice

DIRECTIONS CHERRY TURNOVER

  • Pre-heat oven to 375 degrees.
  • Open crescent rolls and separate into 4 rectangles, following the perforated lines.
  • Each rectangle will also have a perforated line separating it into triangles. Do not break this line. Instead, squeeze/press this perforation together to seal it.
  • Add 1/4 cup pie filling to one side of each rectangle, then fold over and use a fork to seal outer edges.
  • Bake on cookie sheet for 11-13 minutes or until golden brown.
  • Using a spoon, drizzle on the glaze in quick, whispy movements.

DIRECTIONS FOR DRIZZLE GLAZE

  • Add confectioner’s sugar, milk  and dash of lemon juice to bowl, then blend together.
  • You may need to add more milk or sugar depending on the consistency you desire.

Since this recipe was a tasty success, my next move will be to try it using fresh cherries.

turnover Greedy Recipe! Easy Cherry Turnovers

…and now you can fro-down! Ironically, I am detoxing this week and will not be able to join you in turnover-gnawing until the weekend. You bettah save me a piece. Yes, that is a threat.

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Which curbs hunger the longest: Apple Cider Vinegar, Tea or Plain Water?

The answer to this question isn’t cut & dry. All of these liquids have stupendous merit and definitely do the job of bitch-slapping hunger. Yet as a veteran-slurper off of all three of these, I’ve discovered something quite interesting…

acv apple cider vinegar Which curbs hunger the longest: Apple Cider Vinegar, Tea or Plain Water?

WATER

OMG, plain water is so dang boring. Ya, I do drink it in impressive (forced) amounts, and we all know how important water is, but when drank-en for the purpose of curbing hunger, it gets last place marks. In my personal experience, making a concerted effect to slurp on water to curb hunger has mostly led to bloating and the necessity for me to strap a Porta-Potty to my back. I’m not discouraging you from getting in your hydrationfication through plain water, but for the sole purpose of battling hunger, you have better options.

HOT OR COLD TEA

I get it. Not everyone is a tea drinker. But here’s why it’s better than plain water: Tea is an experience. It gives you that fanciful feeling. And since tea is most times slurped slowly opposed to being gulped profusely, in my own unscientific experience, tea is digested in a way that makes you not have to run to the bathroom in excess. One can argue that you can simply slurp water in the same slow manner to avoid the bathroom problem, but the fact still remains that water can get boring real fast. Tea seems to fill you up in a more slow, controlled fashion, allowing for greater hunger-curbing longevity.

I’m currently in love with The Republic of Tea, Ginseng Peppermint Tea Which curbs hunger the longest: Apple Cider Vinegar, Tea or Plain Water? . It is ahhh-mazing. Each teabag contains a mix of cinnamon, Echinacea, panax ginseng, peppermint, licorice, and other fanciful ingredients.

Tea delivers the waters you need while also pumping your sexy body with other healthy ingredients. If you’re intrigued, check out my easy recipes for Homemade Citrus Sweet Tea and Easy Homemade Detox Tea.

APPLE CIDER VINEGAR (ACV)

I stumbled upon ACV’s hunger-curbing superpowers by accident. I add 4 teaspoons of Bragg Apple Cider Vinegar Which curbs hunger the longest: Apple Cider Vinegar, Tea or Plain Water? to a bottle of plain water (approx 16 ounces). My initial and continued purpose for adding ACV to my water is to promote alkalinity in the body (yes, vinegar does create an alkaline state). I’m greedy for all the health benefits of Apple Cider Vinegar Which curbs hunger the longest: Apple Cider Vinegar, Tea or Plain Water? , but never thought it might curb my hunger as wonderfully as it does.

Apple Cider Vinegar has a strong reputation as a weight loss aid and natural healing agent. I’ve written about its effectiveness at keeping the stomach flu away. Just be sure to NOT get the basic, crystal clear kind you find in the stores. Get yourself some Bragg Apple Cider Vinegar since it contains the “mother”. Many stores are now carrying this in the natural food aisle.

Tea-slurping has a tiny edge over ACV when used to curb hunger, but Apple Cider Vinegar is still the best choice because of its weight loss benefits. ACV contains acetic acid, which helps breakdown and prevent the accumulation of body fat. Here is additional reading you can do to explore the subject further:

Whatever healthy methods you use to stay hydrated and curb hunger, consider adding apple cider vinegar to your regimen. It’ll do ‘yo body good. Now drink it up!

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Disclaimer: Not all exercise programs are suitable for everyone. Check with your doctor before beginning any exercise program. Neither Josie, YumYucky.com, nor anyone else associated with this website will be responsible or liable for any injury you sustain while exercising.