If you’re seeing the blog right now, it’s really messy like a greedy woman at a buffet. The re-design requires major clean up, like dead links ‘n stuff, so the fixes are in progress right now.

I’ll be scrubbing the blog clean & fresh all week. Stay tuned for new posts!

~Josie

[photo credit]

I know some people strive for the 185-pound mark, and I give major kudos to the people who blasted the fat down to the 185 range with starting numbers in the high 200’s and into the 300’s.

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I’m keeping The Crumb Snatcher as a regular feature. Now you can stay up to date on all the stupid stuff going on in my life.

Funk Fumes & Dog Shit

I usually don’t use real curse words ’round here, but “shitty” is the only true way to describe it.  Health-hater Husband and Greedy Kid #2 were playing basketball in the driveway. Next think you know, my kid has shit on his hands and husband has it all over his clothes.

How it Happened

After detecting some funk fumes around the hoop, Husband started pointing fingers at the Greedy Kid. Upon further investigation they discovered their basketball had previously rolled into a pile of shit. We don’t own a dog, but I’m hoping it indeed was dog shit rather than (maybe) the mailman dumping in our backyard.

They apparently played for a while, passing the ball and making baskets, before noticing they were covered in shit cakes.

Greedy Kid made a beeline for the kitchen sink to try and clean up, but after a few choice phrases, like  “W hat the hell is your problem, you can’t clean that shit in my kitchen sink!” , I banished him to the basement sink to get the shit off. Husband was last seen grumpy as shit. What else is new.

Stranded in Snow (kinda)

This was an abrupt reminder that fitness is NOT just about looking sexy-good. Had I not been in some type of physically-fit shape, I would have been screwed.

What Happened?

Health-hater Husband accidentally took my cars keys to work with him. But instead of yelling with demands he leave work to bring me my keys, I decided to trek in the snow. Almost a 1/2 mile. With the kids in tow. To deliver them to daycare and catch a bus.

I carried the 25-pound, squirming Greedy Baby. I had my purse. I had a really heavy bag, and Greedy Kid #3, of course.

The wind was blowing and it was snowing really hard. We had to dang near hike in the middle of the road because the sidewalks were not cleared from the previous storm. AND I did all of this in power-walk fashion because I had to catch the bus.

By the time I reached my destination I was sweating in my coat and my hair was all jacked up. But it wasn’t as bad as this.

So this is the very first time that my physical fitness came in handy for an emergency-type situation. It took a lot of strength and stamina to lug the Greedy Kids in the snow. No way I could do that with my former, extra poundage from couch-azz-ing too much and eating whatever. Congratulations to me.

That is your Crumb Snatcher report. Until next time, this is the Yum Yucky. Have a great weekend.

[photo credit]

I mostly suck wind in the kitchen, but I can pull off a kick-azz lasagna that’ll make my family of food-heathens turn wilder. My lasagna-cooking swag is through the roof. Those frozen kinds can’t hold a candle to mine.

So here comes the Michael Angelo’s Vegetable Lasagna people waving free coupons at me. And FREE is fun, so even if I think it might be nasty, I’m gonna try it. Because it’s free.

Eatin’ Veggie Lasagna

I was too lazy to cook with pots and pans, so I cracked open the Michael Angelo’s. I’m thinking, blah blah blah. I’ll eat a boring, frozen, veggie lasagna, then force Husband to make me coffee while I lay on the couch and computer click for two hours. Normal stuff.

First, I noticed the big chunks of veggies that got trapped on top. Surprisingly they weren’t microscopic in size, like freaky human eyelash mites. And then I tasted it  – the food, not the mites.

Holy crap, it’s like homemade!

Surely I can trick my future dinner guests and pawn this stuff off as my own. It’s a delightful concoction of zucchini, squash, carrots, broccoli, mushrooms, and cauliflower mingled with high quality mozzarella and ricotta cheeses in a wonderfully seasoned sauce with Italian spices and al dente pasta. I don’t know how they got the noodles to NOT be mushy, but they weren’t.

So now the coupons are gone, but I’m gonna get some more with cash out of my
own pocket. Because this stuff is real good and it empowers me to NOT have to cook. Check out more of Michael Angelo’s gourmet goodness here.

Bad parenting moment: It was so good, I gave in to the temptation to eat Greedy Kid #2’s piece while he was at basketball practice. And no, I don’t remember what he ate when he finally got home. Probably cereal.

Veggie Lasagna Notes

• Store Price: $11.99 for 2-pack family size at BJ’s Wholesale

• Serving Size: 1 cup

• Servings per Container: 5

• Calories: 260

• Fat Calories: 90

• Total Fat: 10g

• Sodium: 600mg

• Carbs: 27g

• Fiber: 3g

• Sugars: 8g

• Protein: 15g

Reactions from the Taste Test Crew

Health-hater Husband: High quality. Flavorful. The veggies don’t taste sh!tty.

Greedy Kid #1: Very filling. The sauce is delicious. Better than Trader Joe’s.

Greedy Kid #2: Why didn’t you guys save me any? You know I had practice!

Yum UP! to: Kick-azz veggie lasagna that I don’t have to cook myself.

Yuck Down to: Bad parenting moments. Ooops.

View the complete Taste Test Directory and Fast Food Cheat Sheets.

The new Wish Yourself Really Thin Diet is now on the market!

But it comes with a drunk fairy that might screw up a little.

You’ve been warned.

[photo credit]