2 Ugly Faces That Will Help You Burn Calories

Yesss. Because making ugly faces burns calories. So just deal with it.

ugly girl face  2 Ugly Faces That Will Help You Burn Calories

And then deal with it some more…

josie2  2 Ugly Faces That Will Help You Burn Calories

Each of the images on the right side are the butt ugly faces, causing me to burn 15,908 calories in only 20 minutes. Images on the left side are full of beauty. You know this, right?

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Greedy Recipe! Easy Fish Tacos

Yup. Easy fish tacos only takes about 15 minutes from beginning prep to plating. So be excited about it. Your stomach’s next feeding is just around the corner.

fish tacos Greedy Recipe! Easy Fish Tacosclick on image to enlarge the delicious morsels

If you’re one of the sassy & trendy people, you are encouraged to use the Old El Paso “Stand ‘n Stuff” soft flour tortilla. I call them taco boats. They have a flat bottom but are still bendy & pliable to squish into your mouth. The boat ensures no taco crumb goes uneaten. You’re gonna want every morsel of recipe inside yo’ belly.

GATHER YOUR INGREDIENTS

serves 8 greedy people

  • 1 package Ole El Paso Taco Boats
  • 8 portions frozen cod, beer battered or breaded
  • 5 radishes, sliced thin
  • 2 cups spring mix lettuce, approximate
  • 1 large tomato, diced
  • fresh cilantro, chopped
  • 3/4 cup Ranch dressing, approximate
  • dashings of hot sauce

DIRECTIONS

  1. Follow the directions on your package of frozen cod and bake until crispy.
  2. Line up taco boats and prepare to fill them.
  3. Add spring mix on the bottom, then sliced radishes, cilantro, tomatoes and cod.
  4. Mix the ranch and hot sauce together, then top each taco.
  5. NOW CHEW

fish tacos recipe Greedy Recipe! Easy Fish Tacos

This recipe is great for getting in your veggies & protein while keeping it simple. It is vital that we spend as little time in the kitchen as possible, so as to maximize our God-given right to couch-azz and watch TV until we get sleepy and pass out. Yes?

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Josie’s List of Workplace Emergency Survival Cache Items

An emergency survival cache at work is important. We talk a lot about fitness here, but a small cache of emergency items is important to your health. It can literally mean life or death. At the very minimum it assures you greater comfort when faced with non-ideal circumstances brought on by an emergency.

We’ve all got at least a few emergency items at home, but what if somethings happen when you’re out of the house? Let’s take a looksie at a scenario involving Susie and Harold. Which one will fare better when disaster strikes? We’ll also be looking at the items I keep in my own emergency cache…

THE SCENARIO:

Susie is an accountant. She squats, deadlift and runs marathons. Susie loves organic food and never says curse words. She also uses moist towelettes to wipe her butt. So ya, she’s pretty much a perfect human.

Harold is a carpet installer. When he gets off work, he don’t do shit. He always eats 3 donuts for breakfast and watches Girls ‘Gone Cray-Cray when his wife is out the house. It is questionable as to when Harold last showered.

Both Susie and Harold were at their jobs when a widespread meteor shower hit (or insert your favorite disaster here). It knocked out power, destroyed cars, leveled homes, released the Kraken from the deep, and created other forms of chaos. There is no going in or out of the city. There is no clean water flowing through the plumbing system and toilets are beginning to back up. Everyone has been advised to shelter in place right where they are.

Continue reading…

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Bison Meat Sticks

It sounds like something straight out of the food porn industry.

bison meat stick  Bison Meat Sticks

The Bison Meat Stick. Did you know there was such a thang? These were at the beer tasting event me and the hubs went to last night: taste 12 beers, exploring old & new world varieties.

I hate beer. It’s disgusting. I only went for my hubs. By the 3rd beer sample my stomach was burning as if I ingested acid mixed with bleach water, so I decided to hit up the snack table with pretzels, cheeses and bison meat sticks.

The beer in my glass looks like wolf piss. Pretty much tasted like it, too.

bison meat Bison Meat Sticks

If you’ve never had Bison meat before, you gotta do it. It’s expensive but will hurl you into a gourmet eating experience. Bison meat is much leaner than cow and tastes soooo much better. If you typically like your meat medium well, have it cooked medium instead. Since bison meat is so lean, it can easily dry out if cooked too long.

…and since I’m a total geek squad member, after the beer tasting I stopped a Barnes & Noble to buy a large cupcake (yesss) and pick up a book.

directory of knots Bison Meat Sticks

I know. Weird, right? It’s the Directory of Knots: A Step-by-Step Guide to Tying Knots Bison Meat Sticks. I’m expanding my horizons, trying something different and learning new skills. There are more than 100 different knots to learn in this book. I’m gonna be one knot-tying, bad ass beyotch.

My ultimate goal is hunt down a Sasquatch of the Southern Canadian region and tie him up using fancy knots skills. I’ll snap a pic as proof of his existence, then share a bison stick with him before unleashing the beast back into the forest.

This plan is foolproof.

…and just in you case you were wondering, yes, I do plan on buying a new fanny pack today. Be jealous.

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6 Things That Describe Your Post-Workout Fitness Aroma

Congratulations. You worked hard to earn that un-fresh, stank feeling — those sweaty workouts that lead to temporary body odor. Do you mind if I take a few moments to describe you?

armpit odor 6 Things That Describe Your Post Workout Fitness Aroma

1.  You smell like a muskrat’s ass breaded in recycled llama hairs, then fried over hot coals.

2. Your armpits are more foul than a half-gallon of fermented warthog juice.

3. You smell like wet laundry inside a washing machine that somebody forgot for a week.

4. Your body funk is more offensive than 10,000 bags of burnt microwave popcorn.

5. The post-workout ring around your bathtub has the odor of re-fried toe jam particles.

6. You smell like burnt enchiladas served on a wet dog’s back.

It’s take a special kind of person to achieve such an impressive level of fitness aroma. You ought to be damn proud. Keep up the good work.

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Disclaimer: Not all exercise programs are suitable for everyone. Check with your doctor before beginning any exercise program. Neither Josie, YumYucky.com, nor anyone else associated with this website will be responsible or liable for any injury you sustain while exercising.